


Sharks Don't Sleep

by pradatrash



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Carmilla AU, F/F, Hollstein - Freeform, Human AU, LaFerry - Freeform, New York AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 14:44:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 85,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7109719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pradatrash/pseuds/pradatrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carmilla Karnstein first took the job as an NYPD detective to help people and try to make a difference in the world but throughout her career she has seen the complexities of criminal justice unfold and has come to realize there is no black and white, no good versus evil, there’s an entire grey area that weighs on her heavily. The storm is only approaching now and it's one thing protecting herself but now her personal life and work are intertwining as Carmilla tries to make sure her strong willed, nosy, journalist wife stays out of trouble.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: On The Wire

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I had a really great idea for this so I hope you enjoy!! This is Human AU + is set in present day New York City. I hope you stick around to see what unfolds.
> 
> This is also rated mature letting you know in case that's not for you, I will put trigger warnings at the beginning of the chapters that have heavier violent content in them.
> 
>  
> 
> xx

 

—

 

The whir of the coffee machine is the only sound echoing throughout the kitchen while snow gently falls outside of the window onto the New York City streets, painting it in a pure white that will no doubt be disgusting and dirty by the time Carmilla has to leave for work. 

The tall dark haired girl waits at the machine occasionally glancing at the pot of boiling water on the stove for Laura’s tea as she sleepily goes about her morning routine, her tired body protesting every time she moves. 

She'd love to grab her wife and leap back into bed for the rest of the day but the world of criminal justice calls and Carmilla has to fucking answer. 

Turning towards the toaster every few minutes she also tries to make sure not to burn the bread she popped into there a couple minutes ago, it was a mission every morning and mainly a mission she failed in.

Turning to the baby blue cabinets of their newly redone kitchen she reaches up and takes two mugs off the top shelf, her black one and Laura’s TARDIS one. 

“Coffee’s gonna get cold!” She calls down the hall to the bathroom where Laura is finishing her morning shower, which Carmilla so generously let her have first this morning. Taking the pot of coffee she pours their two mugs making sure the sugar and milk is set on the countertop. 

Both of them usually had early mornings most days of the week, sometimes Carmilla was called in earlier to her precinct and Laura might have been in the office until the wee hours of the morning working on an article but usually the two were both out their door by 8:30 sometimes 9, or they tried to at least. 

 “Coming, coming! Sorry the water was really soothing this morning, I almost fell asleep again!” The chipper voice of her wife entered the kitchen as Laura skidded in, still trying to towel dry her wet hair as she made droplets on the ground as their small terrier mix, Rex, followed behind her licking them off the ground happily. 

Carmilla smiled fondly at her wife as she slid her mug over to her before leaping to take the toast out just before it burnt. 

Cursing quietly to herself as the bread singer her finger tips she set the two slices on a nearby plate, Laura chuckling behind her. “Why can’t you just wait for it to cool a bit?” Carmilla rolled her eyes, Laura knowing too damn well it was too early in the morning for her wife to make a sarcastic response. 

 “That’s why you’re here, to remind me…good morning…” Laura smiled as she leaned up to place a good morning kiss on Carmilla’s lips, the two stood there for another moment longer just enjoying the proximity to each other. 

“When do you have to be at the Conde Nast building?” Laura takes a sip of her tea, thinking for a second as she checks the time on her phone. “I think 9, we can have a late start today because we finished all the breaking news stories last night.” 

 Carmilla gave a small nod as she bit into her toast, chewing slowly as she went over to her bag, checking to see if she had all the files she needed for the day before she felt arms wrap around her from behind, Laura pressing her face into the center of Carmilla’s back as she hummed contently. 

“Cupcake, some of us have to get to work on time…” The smaller girl made a small grunt as Carmilla chuckled gently, placing her hands over Laura’s around her stomach. 

 “I guess I could spare a minute or two…”

“Make it ten…?”

 Carmilla raised an eyebrow as she turned around looking down at her wife as she brushed the wet hair out of her face. “When have I ever been able to get you off in ten minutes? You’re like the queen of drawing it out!”

 "Hey! I like to take my time…” Laura smirked as she tugged at Carmilla’s NYPD jacket, unzipping the front as she leaned up for a kiss, making it a little more passionate than she intended. “Babe, I really have to go…”

Laura shook her head as she slowly reached to unzip Carmilla’s pants, wrinkling her nose cutely as she smiled up at her, “Carm, you can afford to be ten minutes late…let me repay you for last night…”

 Swallowing any more protests she had Carmilla leaned back against their counter, they kiss, soft but with a sense of urgency and Laura smoothes her palms up Carmilla’s arms until they’re gripping Carmilla’s neck and pulling her in closer.

Carmilla lets herself get lost in her wife, their kissing taking her mind away from any of the cases or work she had to deal with today, she gently held Laura close by her hips, pressing into her with each kiss as she let a small moan escape her lips. 

God damn, her wife was just as insatiable as her sometimes and it never failed to brighten Carmilla’s day. She felt the familiar feel of Laura’s fingers slowly dancing their way down her stomach and to the waistband of her jeans as she tugged the zipper down with skillful fingers. 

 “Mmph—my coffee’s gonna get cold…” Carmilla mumbled half-jokingly against her lips as Laura giggled and bit at her bottom lip, “I’ll just make you another pot…”

Desire runs under Carmilla’s skin at the sound of Laura’s breath hitching as she slides her tongue around Laura’s lip, slowly Laura lets her fingers move more purposely, sliding down Carmilla’s taught stomach and pressing into her panties finding wet heat as she grins against her lips. 

Without warning Laura slips two fingers into Carmilla’s heat, the taller girl reaching out to grip their new marble counter as she gasps, almost losing her train of thought. “F-Fuck, baby…”

Their breathing is reduced to hot pants in between kisses and Carmilla’s eyes flutter closed as the heel of her wife’s palm puts pressure on her clit just in the way Laura knows drives Carmilla crazy. “Laura, oh my god…” 

Carmilla can’t form a sentence as she gently moves her hips in motion with Laura’s fingers, gripping the counter harder as her knuckles whiten she hears her wife lean up to whisper in her ear, “let go, Carm, I’ve got you…”

With a small gasp followed by a long moan Carmilla locks eyes with Laura as she comes with a crash, Laura’s fingers helping her work through her orgasm as she whispers her devotion and love to Carmilla through small kisses on her jaw and face. 

She lets her eyes close tightly as she rides out the extremely pleasurable wave plaguing her body, letting Laura’s kisses take her away from the present time, away from the stacks of case files on her desk, away from the horrible evil that roams the New York streets for just a second she lets herself get lost in her wife and their consuming love. 

Finally opening her eyes she smiles lazily down at Laura and leans in to kiss her hard, wrapping the girl in her arms tightly. “I love you…” The phrase is so saturated between them, they say it at least a thousand times a day but each time is a flutter and swell to Carmilla’s heart. 

“I love you.” Laura grins up at her as she nuzzles their noses together affectionately before Carmilla grips her hips and walks them to the living room couch, “Now, it’s my turn…” Laura squeals as the two jump onto the couch and get lost in each other. Carmilla is not only late she’s late by two hours. 

 

 —

 

LaFontaine’s boots crunch against the snow as they bustle down the street their breath puffing out in the freezing air as they narrowly avoid slipping on the ice. Their large winter coat was not doing a great job at keeping the cold out even though it made them look like a huge marshmallow. 

Perry had made them put on two scarves, mittens, a large jacket, and a sweater this morning before they were even allowed to leave the apartment. 

Finally getting to their destination they thanked whatever higher power was out there as they stepped into the warm heat of the main Manhattan police precinct.  Unwrapping their first scarf from their neck LaF made their way down the hall towards the familiar office of one Carmilla Karnstein. 

“LaF, dude what’s up!” Turning their head they caught sight of Kirsch walking down the hall as he waved around his hat trying to rid it off the snowflakes sticking to the wool. “I didn’t know you were stopping by!” LaF smiled at the puppy dog like man in front of them, nodding to their brief case. 

“I have some more information for Carmilla about the Vordenberg murder, it isn’t much but it might help, this case has been impossible to find anything on.”

Kirsch nodded as he began to walk with LaF towards Carmilla’s office. “I’ve been meaning to come by your office, I’ve been trying to get some more files from Betty for my case but she hasn’t been returning any of my calls…” LaF scoffed and laughed slightly, looking up at Kirsch as they shook their head, 

“Maybe because you ditched your second date with her to watch football!” The shocked look on Kirsch’s face further proved how naive and puppyish he was, it was endearing though that’s for sure. 

“I-I had no idea she was that pissed! She said it was fine!” LaF shook their head again, “Kirsch, when has a girl ever said ‘fine’ and meant it? Just come by the offices later this week and bring flowers or something…chocolates, she’s into romantic gestures and shit.” 

Kirsch stopped in his tracks and stared ahead in deep thought, a wave of realization washing over his face as LaF stopped themselves from laughing once again. “Damn, are all forensic scientists as insightful as you?” LaF rolled their eyes as they got to Carmilla’s door, pushing it open before calling over their shoulder,

“I’m not insightful, you’re just bad at having common sense!”

 

—

 

_ Carmilla couldn’t believe what she was hearing as she sat in the court room and stared at the old man in the front as he feigned innocence. He sat hunched over his cane, which Carmilla was pretty positive he didn’t need, and had his eyes downcast and somber. There was a slight accent twinge to his voice something like Russian.  _

_ “I promise your honor, I would never and have never laid a hand on my beloved wife…she-she was the light of my world, I wish I could have protected her with every bone in my body but my 84 years on this earth have weakened me…” Bullshit. _

_It was all complete bullshit yet the judge seemed to be buying every second of it as did the entire court room sans the side Carmilla was on. She wanted to yell and scream at the judge and the entire room that this man was a world class actor and a fraud. _

_ Baron Vordenberg was the heir of the Vordenberg fortune, which made him the richest man in New York and also the dirtiest in business. The Vordenberg fortune had been passed down for generations, no one was quite sure why it was so powerful but it had the biggest influence on the city and not to mention their multiple fundraisers and foundations throughout the city. _

_ The family was like a saint to New York and it made Carmilla want to vomit at the good that people thought the family did. The original roots had started a diamond mining business but as time progressed things seemed to get a little more fishier with their family history in business.  _

_Vordenberg was just a monster on Wall Street he owned half the companies and shares there, trying to cross him was your own death sentence, yet here Carmilla was painting a target on her back. _

_ Two years ago he had married the young 26 year old socialite Sarah Jane Wilde after the "death" of his first wife Seryl Vordenberg. Barely a month ago Sarah Jane had been found dead in their uptown penthouse, a bullet to the head and the gun in her hand. _

_At first it had been ruled a suicide hands down, but the jump to that conclusion was too fast then slowly the evidence started to stack up that it had been a murder and the first suspect was always the husband, yet this decrepit elderly act that Vordenberg was putting up was proving to work. _

_ The _ _media was setting him up as an innocent defenseless old man, this influence on the media was probably due to his family title and someone higher up was definitely getting a large sum of money. Carmilla preferred the term "psychopath murderer" to label him._

 _ S _ _he was trying with all her power as the head detective of the case to reveal Vordenberg’s lies but he wasn't making it easier and it was getting harder with each passing day he gained more power. _

_ Sarah Jane had probably been after Vordenberg’s money from the beginning there was no doubt about that. But that was surprising because usually it was the wife that killed the old husband for the fortune but in this case it was the opposite. _

_ Sarah Jane had come from money before Vordenberg but there would have been no reason he wanted to off her for her money, he had probably ten times more than her family.  _

_The only thing missing from Carmilla’s case was the motive behind his actions, finding and overturning evidence was becoming harder and harder. Every time she had a lead on something it would disappear within seconds and lead her to a dead end. This was maddening. _

_ The man was good though, she had to give it to him, of course he couldn’t have done this alone but so far no one else had been arrested on the case and that wasn’t helping Carmilla’s side at all. She had put away murderers, robbers, and psychopaths for years, she was successful in her cases something she was known for in the city she did her job and she did it fucking well. _

_ This case was not only putting a dent in her career but also in her confidence as a detective. She was convinced from the beginning of her career as a detective that she was doing what was right but every move she made in this case seemed to be the wrong one. Whatever Vordenberg had done to Sarah Jane had been months of planning and execution.  _

_ She knew the judge was not far from closing the case and ruling it an official suicide but she wasn’t going to let this one slip through her fingers. She hadn’t known Sarah Jane personally by any means but something just didn’t sit right with her about this.  _

_There was something more to this than just Baron Vordenberg murdering his young trophy wife, there had to be a bigger picture to this murder and Carmilla Karnstein was going to find out damn well what it was. _


	2. Weighing Options

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the kudos and hits, I hope you're enjoying it! I'm excited for you to see what unfolds.

 

—

“I come with presents!” LaFontaine entered Carmilla’s office as they shut the door behind them softly, holding up the Vordenberg file. Carmilla glanced up from the current paperwork she was doing as her eyes lit up, pushing back from her desk she stood and beckoned LaF into the office. 

“Oh my god, please tell me this is something good, LaFontaine, Belmonde is at my ass if I don’t find a break through soon…” The forensic scientist bit their lip as they took a seat in front of her desk and slid the file over, not able to tell the dejected detective that this wasn’t anything groundbreaking. 

“Unfortunately this isn’t any ground breaking stuff, just all of the messages and photos retrieved on Sarah Jane’s phone, good thing we swiped it as evidence before any of Vordenberg’s minions got there to destroy it, I’m sorry Carm, I hope this helps.” The detective sighed and sat back down deflated, picking up the case file she slipped the folder open and eyed the information before her.

“Thanks anyways, I guess anything helps at this point…” LaF nodded and watched the girl closely, watching how her shoulders sagged and her excited expression faded. The case was drowning Carmilla slowly, it felt like she was being dragged to hell at an excruciatingly slow speed.

“Hey if it helps, this is helping draw the case out more and give us more time.” LaF pointed to the papers in the folder and shrugged, trying to find a positive in this mess. Carmilla just nodded and kept scanning the file before her, flipping through the various photos of expensive handbags and jewelry that the phone had held, letting out a bitter laugh at dozens of photos of the victim’s Pomeranians.

“Wow, she really didn’t do much but take photos of her dogs, handbags and jewelry.” LaF glanced over and nodded. “You never know, there could be something there, don’t give up on this lead just yet.”

“I just don’t understand…there’s evidence that it was a murder. There’s fingerprints and DNA traces collected but none of them match Vordenberg’s but no one else has been indicted yet…there’s something that’s right under our noses.” Carmilla glanced up at LaF as they looked just as puzzled. Suddenly Carmilla sat up straight, waking her desktop up as she typed around a bit, squinting her eyes at the screen she turned to LaF

“I feel like this is apart of a bigger picture we’re just not seeing it. Hey, can you possibly get me the files on the string of murders we did last year?” LaF frowned as they looked at Carmilla like she had gone completely insane.

“Karnstein, the China Town murders? How are any of those relevant to the Vordenberg case? Besides, we already got the guy and put him away.” Carmilla shook her head as she slammed the file down, causing LaF to jump a little, her frustration starting to bubble to the top. “Okay yes, but one of the victims was Dylan Philips, remember he was a security guard in Vordenberg Tower?” LaF scoffed and shook their head

“For like a week! The guy couldn’t even hold a solid job for days, that was just one of the jobs he bounced around on. Besides he was ground floor, he wouldn’t have seen anything above the lobby.” Carmilla looked at LaFontaine desperately, trying to hold onto any string of sanity and dignity she had left. Anything could lead anywhere, she just needed to find _something._

Every night when she turned the key in her apartment door and walked into the threshold she felt like a failure, the whole leave your work life in the office was bullshit, it went everywhere with Carmilla, she couldn’t avoid it. This case was biting at her like an annoying fly and she needed anything, even a cold lead she could work with.

“Please, LaFontaine, you know I wouldn't ask you unless I really needed this favor. I’ll do anything…!”

“Anything…?”

Carmilla eyed LaFontaine before nodded reluctantly and bracing herself for whatever degrading task the scientists would ask of her, “Anything…” LaF perked up as they smirked suspiciously and stood, taking out their phone to text Betty to dig around for the files.

“Okay, I’ll try to get the files over here by this afternoon—and you and Laura have to come over for dinner this week, Perry has been nagging me for weeks! She hasn’t seen you two in forever.”

Carmilla groaned but nodded, slamming her head down on the desk dramatically as LaF chuckled, “I’ll try not to take that personally. Is Wednesday good?” Carmilla didn’t even lift her head from the table as she groaned again, shooting her hand up to make a thumbs up she heard LaF chuckle again before the door to her office closed.

It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy the company of LaFontaine and their wife Lola Perry, in fact she was very close with LaF but she could not tolerate Perry at times. LaF really wasn’t the problem it was the high strung German professor that Carmilla had a hard time tolerating.

Their personalities just didn’t work out together, Perry was all over the place and always had to be taking care of things for some reason her and Laura got along great but Carmilla tried to distance herself from that she had enough chaos in her life already.

In fact she was pretty much siblings with LaFontaine, the two of them had a history that ran very deep. Carmilla didn't have many close friends in fact LaF was probably the only one, if you were counting 'friends', but she was okay with that.

It was usually her, LaFontaine, Danny Lawrence, and Wilson Kirsch at Henry’s in the West Village on a Thursday night throwing darts, a giant plate of nachos and a few rounds of beers around them. Carmilla liked to keep it small, simple, it was easier that way.

Recently they hadn’t been able to get around to their usual Thursday haunt because of work and other obligations and Carmilla would never admit it out loud but she missed their small Thursday night get togethers.

Sitting up she reached for her phone and swiped it open, holding it up to her ear as she listened to the rings on the other line before a cheery voice answered, “Why hello there! To what do I owe this pleasure?” She rolled her eyes as a fond smile tugged at her lips, tapping her fingers absently on her desk.

“Hey…just wanted to check in and hear your voice.” She swallowed around an unfamiliar feeling in her throat, leaning back in her desk chair she spoke softly, Laura instantly picking up on the change of tone. “Did something happen Carm? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m good…I just met with LaF, they gave me a file but nothing was in it. I’m just running in circles now, am I going crazy?”

There was a soft laugh on the other end of the line, as she just imagines Laura’s gentle and sympathetic face. “No, Carm, you’re doing your job and your job is hard. You should be proud you’re pushing so hard in this…I know I’m proud of you. I’m sorry the file wasn’t that good.”

“Thank you…sorry, I just had to hear your voice.” Carmilla smiled gently at how caring her wife was. “Of course baby. Is there anything else you want to tell me?” Carmilla dropped the pen she was fiddling with as she closed the file in front of her and stood, thinking it was a good time to take her lunch break.

“I kind of agreed we’d go to LaFontaine and Perry’s place for dinner on Wednesday.” There was a small squeal on the end of the phone as she pulled it away from her ear for a moment.

“Oh that’s so great! I’ve been dying to see Perry! Wait, how did you ever agree to this?” She snorted as she started to pack up her bag. “I asked LaF for a favor and they asked for this in return, I knew you’d be happy.”

Laura squealed again and Carmilla could hear pens clattering over Laura’s desk in her excitement before another rustling indicated she was frantically trying to pick them up and save herself the embarrassment of people staring at her cubicle.

“I’m so excited! I know you’re probably grumpy about it but I think it will be good. It can take your mind of the case and help you relax a bit…” She had to give Laura that, maybe she was right she could use this breather and let herself enjoy one of Perry’s home cooked meals because she did always have the best ones.

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” She breathed as she chewed on her bottom lip, opening her office door as she stepped out remembering to lock it before she headed down the hall.

“I know I am!” Laura chirped on the other line before a distant voice began calling her. “Oh, we’re meeting in the conference room I think there was another oil spill, see you later tonight, love you!” The line went dead as Carmilla tucked it in her pocket and stepped out into the winter cold.

 

—

 

_ A loud, irritating knocking startled Carmilla out of sleep as she jerked away from Laura and squinted at their bedroom door in annoyance. The noise resounded through their apartment and she let out a confused grunt before turning to find the time, red digits glared at her from over Laura’s shoulder reading 4:30 am.  _

_Laura moved slightly as the knocking didn’t cease, pushing an arm back to swat at Carmilla’s face sleepily she mumbled in protest, “Door get the damn door…” Throwing the covers off of herself with an annoyed whine Carmilla slipped off their bed, Rex perking his head up from the end as he wiggled off and followed her, his little legs waddling him along as he stuck to her side protectively._

_“I’m fucking coming! Oh my god!” The pounding got louder as she got downstairs and closer to the door, rubbing the sleep from her eyes she eyed through the peephole seeing LaFontaine on the other side swaying from side to side clearly drunk. Confused she swung the door open, LaF nearly falling into the apartment before they caught themselves._

_“What took you so long, Karnstein?” LaF’s voice slurred loudly as they made their way into the apartment, Rex sniffing at their legs as he bounced a little at the familiar scent. “It’s four in the morning, LaFontaine what the hell are you doing here?” Carmilla looked on as LaF grinned at Rex and bent down to pet him, a bottle of Jack Daniel’s in their hand as they swung it a bit._

_LaF stood up straight, ignoring Carmilla’s question as they made their way into the living room and threw themselves on the nearest couch, droplets of rain flying from their jacket as they groaned. It was then that Carmilla noticed some redness around her friend's eyes, a slight puffiness to their cheeks which brought Carmilla to the conclusion that LaF had been crying._

_"I'm a terrible partner," LaFontaine choked out as they moved to take another sip from their bottle, letting their head thump against the arm of the couch they looked up at Carmilla in the dark room, the light of the moon through the living room windows their only source of illumination, the sound of the beating rain outside filling the silence between them._

_"What happened?" Carmilla asked, her body still humming with exhaustion but for some reason the disheveled LaFontaine in front of her snapped her out of her tiredness._

_"She wants kids," LaFontaine breathed out, their voice full confusion and unsureness. Carmilla rubbed at her eyes again before taking a seat next to them, shooing with her hands for them to make room for her. “What’s wrong with that? Hasn’t Perry wanted kids since like college?” LaF just nodded and took another swig of the bottle, Carmilla reaching out to take it out of their hands. “_

_"Okay, maybe let’s go easy, how many of these have you had?” LaF shrugged and raised two fingers, Carmilla setting it on the coffee table. “Knowing Perry she’s probably worried sick your place is like two subway stops away—where’s your phone I’ll call her…”_

_“NO! Don’t do that! We got in a huge fight…I can’t go back there tonight, besides she’s probably boarded up the door or something.” Carmilla sighed as she leaned back, clasping her hands over her face for a moment._

_A soft shuffle of footsteps brought her attention towards the hallway to see Laura standing there, her hair a mess and a look of confusion and tiredness all over her face as she gestured to LaF and tipped her head to the side. Carmilla looked up and smiled softly, Laura walking further into the living room. “What’s going on? Why is LaF hammered on our couch?” Carmilla sighed and stood, taking the bottle with her to hide._

_“I’m sorry we woke you…they’re fighting with Perry again, maybe you can talk with them while I hide this and get some extra blankets and pillows.” Laura nodded and moved to sit in Carmilla’s place on the couch, placing a tentative hand on LaF’s shoulder._

_Carmilla heard their soft voices down the hall as she grabbed some blankets and pillows from the cabinet, walking back she placed them on the armchair next to the couch, Laura and LaF still talking quietly. Leaning down she placed a small kiss to Laura’s forehead as the smaller girl smiled up at her. “LaF’s just going to sleep this off, in the morning we’ll give Perry a call before work.” Carmilla just nodded wordlessly as she watched LaF start to drift off._

_“Let’s go back to bed. LaF if you need anything we’re down the hall.” The scientist nodded gruffly before closing their eyes again, Laura took Carmilla’s hand and walked them back to the room, Rex staying by the couch as he curled up and laid loyally by LaF’S side._

_“I’ve never seen them like this before. They’ve been fighting with Perry so much lately, they come into the office looking so exhausted and defeated.”_

_Laura sighed sadly as she nodded and got back onto her side of the bed, pulling the covers up. “They’re scared to bring children into this world…” Laura bit her lip and looked up at the ceiling before curling into Carmilla’s side. “I can’t blame them, especially in the line of work LaF does I’m sure they see murders of innocent children everyday.” Carmilla continued to nod, not really sure how to process the last 30 minutes._

 

—

 

“Okay can we get more suggestions for the style section? I don’t think we have enough, people come on let’s work for a fucking living!” Laura glanced up from her laptop as her boss spoke angrily. The New Yorker conference room was littered with papers, laptops and journalists as everyone scrambled around trying to get their bearings together. 

This was usually the chaotic scene that Laura’s office was in at this time of the week, Monday’s were the worst because every article that had sat on everyone’s desks piling over the weekend had a deadline and that deadline was today. 

“What if we try to do coverage of the Broadway costume department…?” Laura looked over as one of her coworkers brought up the subject weakly, everyone turning to look at their boss at the head of the table.

“Did you fall on your head, Barry? We did coverage on that last year! For god’s sake—“ Laura looked up from her laptop at Melanippe Callis, the most terrifying boss in the world, well at least in Laura’s world. The tan woman stood before her in a pencil skirt, a fancy dress shirt with a custom fitted blue blazer, and Laura couldn’t fathom how high her stilettos were.

“What if we do a specific musical? Like Hamilton or something? That’s the most popular Broadway show right now, I’m sure we could knock out 2 pages with just coverage of the costume department and an interview.”

Melanippe turned to look at Laura, a small smile forming on her lips which, for the hard ass editor and chief of The New Yorker, was _very_ rare. “Hollis, someone decided to come to work today. That’s perfect, Barry get a contact I want this article on my desk by Thursday.” The short man nodded frantically, a look of relief crossing his face as he whispered a ‘thank you’ to Laura across the room.

“Okay people, people we need that sports story on athletes over 40, who was on that?”

“That was David, he’s in accounting flirting with Hanna again…”

“For fuck’s sake! Okay, everyone keep going I’ll be right back.” Everyone listened as the tap of Callis’ heels echoed through the room as she flung open the glass door and marched down the hall to accounting, everyone doing a collective exhale as she left. “Hey L, do you have anymore edits on the Louisiana cow scandal for me?” The smooth English voice approached Laura as she smiled up at her good friend J.P. Armitage.

The man had shaggy brown hair and wore a loose tie, a messy untucked shirt stained slightly with coffee and crumbs, and patterned trousers that Callis would ban from the workplace if she could. “Hey J.P., let me email them to you right now. I think we can run it tomorrow.” Opening her email Laura made quick work before the swooping sound of the email met her ears. “Sent!”

“Thank you so much, Callis was going to kick my ass if I didn’t have the final revised copy. What are you working on for this week?” J.P. took the free seat next to her at the table as he set the large stack of papers he was carrying down, an immediate weight lifted off him as he sagged into the chair Laura giggling as she set her pen down.

“I’m still waiting for Danny’s office to send over the interview with the subway stabber from prison, but other than that not much.”

J.P. nodded, thanking an intern as they passed around various coffee and tea orders. “I’m always jealous of the investigation journalists, you guys always have the most interesting stories each week…I’m lucky Greg was so sick he had to give the cow article to me, I’m gonna miss your department Hollis!” Laura smiled at her friend over the rim of her tea.

“It definitely keeps things interesting, from as early as I can remember I wanted to do investigation journalism, everything else kind of bored me, although I did have some fun doing that piece on Ryan Gosling when Amanda was unable to!” J.P. laughed almost spilling his coffee as he reached for a donut in the center of the table. “How is Carmilla? I miss seeing her around here!” Laura hummed as she closed her laptop, turning fully to J.P. as she took another sip of tea.

“She’s been wracked with work, this whole Vordenberg murder is digging her into the ground. I worry a lot, sometimes she comes home later than I do…it’s really been hard on her not being able to find anything.” J.P. sighed sympathetically as he bit into his donut, talking around the chunks in his mouth

“You know I went to college with one of Vordenberg’s sons, he was a weird and private guy, but I guess that’s to be expected his dad is pretty weird. A complete rich douche bag who was on the lacrosse team and everything, I think he ended up back in New York after graduation don’t know what he’s doing, maybe I can reach out so you can get an interview? That would make a good story wouldn’t it?”

Laura thought for a moment, weighing her options as she leaned back. Would Carmilla be annoyed at her for getting involved in her case? Possibly. But technically she wasn’t really getting involved, she was just reaching out for an interview with his son because this was _her_ job and Laura wasn’t doing anything with Carmilla’s, she would get a successful story it wasn’t like she was toying with the case.

Turning back to J.P. she nodded eagerly, “Reach out to him and see if he replies! If this doesn’t get Callis to give me that promotion I don’t know what will!” She squealed slightly as J.P. laughed and took another donut. “Carmilla won’t mind? I mean, it’s not like you’re interviewing Vordenberg himself. Maybe you could even get information from his son that could help her.”

Laura looked out the window and over the cityscape, thinking as her mind left her for a moment. This was her job, Carmilla knew that of all people. Laura wouldn’t be mad if Carmilla’s job overlapped with some of her work, it was bound to happen and in fact it did. Laura was an investigative journalist and Carmilla was a detective. There were times where Laura had been able to get information to Carmilla before it was released to the press, it was minor information and minor cases nothing like this velocity but still.

They walked the same line but on separate paths but it was still the same line. “Maybe you should ask her first?” Laura shook her head, waving her hand a bit. “No, no…this is my job and she understands that. She would do the same if she were in my position.”

“If you’re sure she won’t be mad I’m down to help you. I don’t want her coming and kicking my ass, because I’m positive she can do that…” Laura laughed and looked at her friend.

“I’m positive. Thank you for offering J.P. this would be a great opportunity if you can set it up.”

J.P. nodded as he stood and hurried away with his stack of papers, promising to send an email today. Laura watched him go before turning back to glance out the window, biting on the end of her pen. This story would catapult her ahead in her department, it would really prove to them she was serious about her job. She was one of the youngest journalists on the team at only 26.

She felt she had something to prove to the more seasoned journalists in her department and especially to Callis who had hired her straight out of college, a risk that the woman never really took with other people but she had seen something in Laura, possibly some of herself.

What kind of journalist was she if she didn’t take a risk? Yet for some reason there was this other feeling sitting in her stomach other than the excitement at the prospect of this article, she wasn’t sure if it was a twinge of guilt or not. Maybe she was playing with fire, but that was something she had to figure out for herself, she wanted to take initiative with her career and it started here.


	3. Vulnerability

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter fills in some background information and shows how Carmilla and Laura first met and some other things, hope you enjoy! I apologize if this chapter isn't as exciting because it deals more with their personal lives!

—

 

Hours later, Carmilla walks out of the elevator towards her door, the apartment is quiet and empty when she walks in, flapping her jacket out to get rid of the snowflakes she settles her bag down by the door. 

Fatigue runs through her and she feels like she ran a marathon today, fell over, got up and ran another one. She needs to eat and she can almost hear her stomach growl at the prospect, but more than that she wants to sink into her bed, into her wife, and forget this day ever happened. 

Forget that she made no progress on the Vordenberg case, forget that Matska Belmonde is probably going to fire her ass if she loses this case, and forget that she has to go to LaFontaine and Perry’s house for dinner this week.

She wants to forget the face of Sarah Jane Wilde from her case file. The smiling, blonde, model like woman that had fell victim to Vordenberg. She was just a young woman, entangled in a mess of crime, the same age as Carmilla was and now she was dead and no justice was going to come of it.

Vordenberg would probably walk free and his evil would continue to roam the street, the very thing that Carmilla was trying to prevent.

Her bag feels heavy when she sets it down, like it's pulling her arm to the ground, overburdened by the weight this case, it feels like the strap of her bag are burning into her skin.

She wanted to help people, this job was her way of doing just that. The best part of her job was when she won cases and the worst part was when she lost them. Belmonde had asked her a couple times now if she wanted to transfer the case to another detective in the department but Carmilla had been strying on her stance each time that she could handle it.

It was slowly becoming apparent to herself that maybe she wasn’t able to handle it, but she was still denying that idea.

A long, low exhale escapes her as she walks further into the apartment, Rex wiggling out of his bed to follow her as she leans down to scratch his ears affectionally, thankful for the normalcy that came with her apartment. Bypassing the kitchen she headed straight for her office at the end of the hall to drop the rest of her paperwork in.

Laura is somewhere in the apartment, probably asleep in front of the TV or in her own office, and Carmilla wants to seek her out and forget this day, she needs to get her head on straight first. Laura will see right through it, will sense the turmoil swirling around in Carmilla’s head and she doesn’t think she can handle having Laura see her like that.

But, as it turns out, Laura is actually in her office and all plans to avoid until she’s ready her are pretty much thrown out the window the second she walks in the door. "Hey!" Laura brightens up when she spots Carmila, bright and cheery. "I was just looking for my—“ the smaller girl trailed off as she took in Carmilla’s expression. "What happened, Carm?”

Carmila hesitates and lets out a slow breath before she walks the rest of the way in, throws her paperwork on the desk, coming around the desk to kiss Laura hello.

“Just a long day is all.”

“That’s it? Just a long day?” 

Laura asks, eyes narrowed, skepticism all over her features as she surveys her wife closely. "Did you find anymore things on the Vordenberg case?” Carmila shakes her head as Laura sighs and presses a kiss to her cheek, rubbing her arm. “Why don’t we order Vietnamese tonight? We can get two orders of the spring rolls you love.”

Food sounds great right now, Carmilla’s stomach growls in response as she manages a weak nod, Laura knowing to drop the subject for now, although her nosey tendencies are nagging at her but both their hunger right now overrides that.

Laura walks out of the office to find their takeout menus as Carmilla takes a seat at her desk, opening her laptop to check if any work emails came through while she was on her way home, letting out a long breath as the weight of the case hits her once more.

 

—

 

_ When Carmilla and Laura first met it was actually a complete accident on LaFontaine and Perry’s part. _

_ They both had been invited to the couple’s annual Chrismukkah party, Carmilla hadn’t planned to go at all but much to her chagrin Perry had made it nearly impossible for Carmilla to find a way out of it, she wasn’t really big on holiday parties and especially holiday parties that were run by Lola Perry.  _

_No one knew how LaF put up with it, the entire party was planned down to the T, there was even a schedule for the event and a sign up sheet for the bathroom. Carmilla was no expert in throwing parties but she was pretty damn sure they usually didn’t include schedules and bathroom sign up sheets. _

_It wasn’t until Carmilla figured out why LaF and Perry were so adamant about her coming was because they were trying to set her up, another thing Carmilla didn’t do. She wasn’t necessarily looking to date anyone right now, her last relationship had ended about a year ago. Elsie._

_The two had fought endlessly, the makeup sex was always great, but the fighting and yelling had worn Carmilla down and skewed her view on relationships in general._

_Everything had to be a drama with Elsie otherwise it wasn’t worth doing, Carmilla just wanted a sense of normalcy and calm the things her relationship had been the exact opposite of._

_Since then she had been very vocal about her anti-relationship stance, deep down she knew not all relationships were as tumultuous as her last one but that had been enough to scare her out of it. She thought the idea of love wasn’t for her anyways—that is until she met Laura Hollis. _

_In truth LaF and Perry were Carmilla’s oldest friends. She had known LaF since childhood where they had both grown up in Seattle, where Carmilla had moved to when she was five with her mother from Austria._

_The two hadn’t necessarily been the best of friends instantly. Carmilla was more of a reserved child and preferred books while LaF was pretty sociable and liked being around people. It wasn’t until Carmilla’s mother had walked out on her that the LaFontaine family had really stepped in and had pretty much adopted her into their family._

_After Carmilla's mother up and left she was left to live with her elderly aunt in Seattle, she didn't get along with her at all and that's when Judy LaFontaine had stepped in to he rescue._

_The family had given her a safe roof over her head and shown her care, something she was not used to as a child. It had taken some adjustments and even if Carmilla wouldn’t admit it the LaFontaines had saved her life._

_LaFontaine moved to New York after high school to pursue forensic science and Carmilla had joined them, deciding to study law as her mind had always been set on being apart of the world of criminal justice._

_It wasn't until she realized she wanted to put the bad guys behind bars a different way, a more intimate and active way. And that way was joining the NYPD._

_Carmilla had been there for LaF through it all and them the same, it wasn’t until Lola Perry came crashing into their life during college that Carmilla had seen LaF show affection for anyone._

_It had taken some getting used to but the curly haired girl had somewhat grown on Carmilla, mainly because she made LaFontaine happy and because of everything LaF had done for Carmilla throughout the years she felt her friend deserved the entire world—and if Lola Perry was apart of that world then Carmilla would learn to accept it._

_LaF had meant to set Carmilla up with some Jennifer that Perry knew through her knitting club, Carmilla was never positive of her name because she never ended up coming to the party in the end. Perry was miffed on her part and kept apologizing and saying how nice of a girl Jennifer was._

_At this point Carmilla didn’t really care she had only mainly come because LaF wanted her to, now with a beer in one hand and a mitten shaped sugar cookie in the other she was pretty content and also set on leaving in the next five minutes._

_“Thanks for stopping by anyways, I’m really sorry about the mix up Perry was really sure she would come, are we still on for Thursday though?” LaF clapped a hand on Carmilla’s back as the bobble of their santa hat dangled about. Carmilla snorted as she took one more sip of her beer and nodded. “It’s no problem, I think her not showing was good for both of us. And of course, I can’t miss our Thursday darts.”_

_LaF gave her another apologetic smile as as Carmilla waited by the coat room to collect her jacket. She needed to get the hell out of here their whole apartment looked like Santa’s workshop had exploded in it._

_“I have to go refill the punch bowl but I’ll text you yeah? Happy holidays, Carm.” Carmilla smiled fondly at her friend and nodded as they hurried away through the crowd. Looking to the door to the guest room turned coat room she tapped her foot impatiently, what could be taking this couple so long to get their fucking coats?_

_It was then she heard the sound of moaning and the bed squeaking that she realized with a roll of her eyes and a gag. With a groan she leaned against the wall and took an angry bite of her cookie._

_She was never getting out of this party. Maybe she could just leave her coat and grab it from LaF later, it was only -2 degrees out, if she ran to the subway she could probably make it without frostbite._

_“Are you waiting to get your coat?” Carmilla turned her head at the angelic voice as she looked to see a short beautiful girl standing next to her, her head was tipped to the side in confusion as she beckoned towards the closed door._

_She had long light brown hair with streaks of blonde, she was stunning and Carmilla found herself opening and closing her mouth like a fish, no doubt looking like a complete idiot. The girl looked at her curiously as she giggled,_

_“Oh yeah...Sorry, well, I don’t think I’m getting it anytime soon, some people are going at it and probably on top of my coat, don’t think I’ll want it back after this.” She laughed softly the girl giving a shocked expression at the door before bursting into laughter with her._

_“Wow, well I guess I’m not really getting out of here anytime either.” Moving to lean against the wall next to Carmilla the shorter girl stuck out her hand._

_“Laura Hollis.”_

_She shook her hand gently, muttering her name, “Carmilla Karnstein.” The two stood in comfortable silence for a few minutes, Laura tapped around on her phone as Carmilla cast her eyes anywhere but the girl next to her._

_It was so uncharacteristically weird of her to show so much blatant attraction to someone. She was usually cold and moody, this girl seemed to wipe all of that from her radar._

_"How do you know LaF and Perry?” Laura asked as she turned to look at Carmilla. “I’ve known LaF most of my life, we’re childhood friends, their parent’s kind of helped raise me…” Laura nodded, raising her eyebrows._

_“Oh my god, LaF talks about their adopted sister all the time, you must be her.” Carmilla nodded, a small smile pulling at her lips at the idea of LaF mentioning her. “How do you know the two?”_

_“Perry and I became really good friends in college, they’ve become two of my best friends, I’m surprised I never met you…?” Carmilla shrugged and gestured to the party in front of them. “I don’t come out to their parties much, my job keeps me busy, I’m a detective training in the police academy.”_

_Laura’s face instantly lit up, her eyes getting wide as Carmilla watched the girl transform into a child in a candy store. “I’m an investigative journalist! No way! You probably know more about the cases I write about than me!”_

_“Probably.” The girl’s excitement was so interesting to Carmilla, no one had really shown interest in her job before, especially not Elsie. Carmilla’s cavalier act was slowly fading, she wanted to know more about Laura but a part of her mind was telling her to keep her distance._

_“What were you drinking?” She glanced down at her now empty Blue Moon beer and held it up for Laura to see. “Wanna go for another? I mean, we have time to kill until they’re done.”_

_Laura pointed to the closed door of the guest room. Carmilla hesitated, she wanted to say no and get far away from this girl before she made any bad decisions, but there was something pulling her towards Laura—she hadn’t known the girl five minutes._

_Carmilla had barely looked anyone’s direction in the last year but now she found herself staring at Laura which was probably freaking her out. Taking a deep breath she nodded curtly._

_“Sure. One more beer couldn’t hurt.”_

 

—

 

“Hey Betty, once you finish uploading the photos of Dylan Phillips you can head out!” LaFontaine called across the room to their lab assistant. The tall blonde girl nodded in return as she typed on her computer. 

“Detective Karnstein only wants Phillips’ file and not the other victims, right?” LaF shot her a thumbs up as she nodded and returned to the screen. LaF looked down at the folders in front of her, so much to work on and it was already 7 o’clock Perry expected them home at 8 o’clock on the dot she knew she had to be on time, especially these days. 

They had been fighting so much for the past few weeks, if they were even a minute late Perry went off which guaranteed their night would be a disaster. LaF didn’t know what to do, they were stuck in this endless cycle of fighting, making up, and fighting again. 

Putting their face in their hands LaF let out a load sigh. 

Usually they loved going home, walking through the front door to one of Perry’s home cooked meals always made their day a little better even after combing through the most gruesome crimes in the city coming home to Perry made it all better. 

Now coming home was like walking into hell, LaF preferred to stay later in the office.

“Go home, I can put these away for you.” Betty’s soft voice pulled LaF out of their thoughts as they instantly shook their head, looking up at their assistant. “No, Betty, it’s fine—“

“LaFontaine. Go.” Betty gave them a pointed look as they let out a defeated sigh and stood, grabbing their jacket and slipping out of their lab coat. Betty had been LaF’s lab assistant for 3 years now and they had gotten considerably close.

The tall girl would be somewhat hard to deal with that times, considering her aversion to blood and gore, which made LaF question why she wanted to be an assistant to a forensic scientist, but none the less Betty was there for them and during these past few weeks she had been lifting a great burden off LaF’s shoulders.

“Thank you Betty, I really appreciate it.” Betty smiled at her reassuringly, practically pushing them out the door and back into the harsh reality of their failing marriage.

“I’ll call you if anything comes up in Vordenberg’s case, and can you tell Kirsch to stop calling me?” LaF chuckled as they nodded, slinging their messenger bag over their shoulder. “I’ll tell him but if he listens is another thing.”

Betty rolled her eyes before waving and shutting the lab door.

LaF turned and started down the hall, putting their hat and scarves on. Tomorrow Carmilla and Laura would be coming over to their place for dinner, she wondered why Perry was so adamant about having their friends over for dinner especially in the state their relationship was in at the moment.

Walking down the freezing street towards their subway stop every step felt like cement on their feet. How can someone dread going home? Home was supposed to be a place of security and warmth but for LaF it was now screaming and fighting.

Stepping up the stairs and out of the subway LaF walked the five minutes to their apartment building, stepping into the lobby they opened their mailbox along the row of the others, stalling as they looked through the box.

Perry always picked up their mail at 3 when she got home from teaching, LaF knew that but anything to buy them time would help at this point.

They just didn't have the energy to fight now, but they also didn't have the energy to let Perry just berate and argue with them all night, there was a point where LaF wondered if arguing their side was even worth it. Perry probably wasn't even listening all she cared about was her side and her argument.

Finally they stepped out of the elevator on their floor, putting the key in the door they pushed it open slowly, stamping their snowy boots on the mat outside.

With a deep breath LaFontaine gathered themselves as much as they could as they shut the door with a soft click.


	4. You Could Be Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you for the comments + kudos, I'm so glad you're liking this! Unfortunately a couple months ago I deleted my tumblr but I think I might reopen it so I can post a link to this story there and answer any questions. Anyways, this chapter longer than I usually write--I hope you enjoy as always!
> 
> The title of this chapter is from the Snow Patrol song "You Could Be Happy", I was listening to it while writing the scenes for LaF and Perry. xx

—

“Oh my god…” Carmilla rolled off of Laura and flopped onto the bed next to her as they both lay tangled in the sheets sweating and giggling. Carmilla placed a hand behind her head and looked up at the ceiling trying to catch her breath as their chests rose and fell. 

“I didn’t think you’d have that much energy you looked tired when you got home…” Laura smiled over at her as she turned and curled into her wife’s side, dropping a kiss to her bare shoulder, her hair splayed out against their many pillows as she pulls she sheets around her waist. 

“I’ll always have energy for _that…”_ Carmilla grinned as she ran her free hand through Laura’s hair, humming gently as she glanced over at their bedside clock as it read 1:30 am.

They had been fucking for hours, Laura had been insatiable every time they stopped she just wanted to go again, it was like something had invigorated her and her excitement had been contagious.

“You were full of energy tonight, did something good happen at work?” Laura glanced up at her as she shrugged, dancing her fingers along her arm. “Nothing in particular, do I have to have a reason for wanting to have sex with my wife?”

Carmilla chuckled as she sat up and rolled a bit, her upper half hovering over Laura as she leaned down and kissed her gently, both of them moaning as they held onto each other. “Not at all, I was just checking.”

Carmilla felt giddy, like every time was their first all over again. Sex with Laura was nothing to compared to anything she had _ever_ had before, she never really voiced this because she didn’t want to get a big head but she was convinced there was nothing better out there. She had it all right in her bed cuddled next to her.

“Are you going to tell me what was wrong earlier?” Propping her head in her palm Laura eyed Carmilla with a knowing look, the taller girl rolled off her and settled into her side of the bed, groaning into the pillow. “It’s just the Vordenberg case.”

“Did you and LaF find anything?” Carmilla shook her head, irritation sitting in her stomach as she swallowed, the cold feeling of failure creeping in as she tried to push it away and enjoy the afterglow of their five hour fuck session but Laura pressed on,

“Are you sure there ins’t anything, maybe you’re missing something or not looking hard enough—“ Laura regretted her sentence the moment she said it, Carmilla’s eyes snapped to hers, hurt swirling in the orbs as she sat up abruptly.

“Don’t you think I’ve been combing over every possible thing I fucking have? I’m working so fucking hard Laura, day and night…” Running a hand through her hair she looked out the window, Laura sitting up as she hesitantly took her hand.

“I know, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to say that, I know you’re working so hard. I’m so proud of you for it—you’re going to find something…” Laura bit her lip as she nuzzled against Carmilla’s back, running her hands up and down her skin to soothe her, a trick Laura had learned early on in their relationship whenever Carmilla was stressed or irritated.

She wanted to tell Carmilla about J.P.’s proposition earlier in the day, her mind was screaming at her to say it but another part of her mind was suppressing it, she was already under so much stress she didn’t want to phrase it wrong and make it seem like she was getting involved with Carmilla’s work.

Even though their careers overlapped occasionally Carmilla from the beginning had been very strict about not getting involved with each other’s business affairs, this was mainly out of protection of Laura since Carmilla saw the most horrifying cases day in and day out.

She couldn’t help but want to keep Laura as far away from that as possible, but sometimes it was impossible.

“I just feel so lost…work used to be something I could do, now I feel like I can’t even do my job right.” Laura tilted her head to the side sympathetically as she turned Carmilla’s head so they could look at each other.

“Talk to me, Carm…I’m right here.” They both slid back to relax against the pillows, Laura continuing to make soothing circles on Carmilla’s back. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it’s like every time I get something about the case I have no idea where to start. Usually I know what to look for but it’s as if this has made my ability go fuzzy.”

Carmilla swallowed again, feeling tears bubble up in her throat for some reason.

There wasn’t enough time for her to have a break down, not now, not with everything on her plate maybe after the case was closed she could have a break down. “I just want to help people—“ her voice cracked as her throat bobbed, internally cursing at herself Carmilla tried to look away.

It wasn’t until Laura reached a hand up to cup her cheek that Carmilla realized she had been crying, looking down had her tear stained pillow she wiped at her eyes shaking her head. “Fuck, I’m sorry…”

“Don’t ever apologize…come here.” Laura pulled her closer as she kissed both her cheeks, Carmilla smiling at the comforting gesture. 

“Nothing’s wrong with you, you’re up against seasoned criminals, they know how to wiggle out of these things but I know you won’t let them, you’ll bring justice to that poor Sarah Jane, I know you will Carm.  Even if you don’t I’ll still be proud, you’re doing something a lot of the other detectives wouldn’t do, you’re going up against Baron Vordenberg.” 

Carmilla managed a weak nod biting her lip and sniffing as she pulled Laura closer. She felt a wave of protectiveness roll over her as they laid there, the snow piling up outside once again as it fell in flurries around the city streets. 

 

—

 

The car sped down the empty street from the Davis High School parking lor, Carmilla delightfully enjoying the light breeze that the spring air was offering. It wasn’t raining as it usually was in Seattle at this time of the season which was a nice break for once.

Turning towards her driveway she blinked as the street openned up to be littered with police cars and an ambulance, pulling off to the side by her neighbor’s house she put her car in park and hopped out, frowning as she grabbed her back pack from the passenger side.

"Ma’am, we’re going to need you to stay behind the caution tape please.” A gruff old police officer called to her as she started towards her house, just now realizing it was what the caution tape was blocking.

“What the hell is going on here? This is my house.” The officer glanced at his partner before he walked over to her, flipping through his clipboard. “Are you Carmilla Karnstein?” She nodded, blinking at the house, looking for any noticeable damage when she spotted the garage door was ajar with her mom’s car missing.

“What is happening, is my mom okay? Where is my mom...?” She started to panic, walking around the police car as a few officers shouted at her. “Miss Karnstein I’m officer Barnes, please come with me.”

_A voice pulled her away from breaking through the caution tape as she turned to see a female officer beckoning with her hand. Turning she hurried over, dropping her bag by the lawn. “Where’s my mom? Is she okay? Is she in the ambulance??” The officer shook her head as she looked at the young girl._

_“Miss Karnstein, your mother has gone missing, do you have any idea where she could have gone?” Carmilla whipped her head around to look at the officer, her legs suddenly feeling numb as she blinked, a look of complete shock on her face._

_“M-Missing? What do you mean? Did someone kidnap her?!” The officer shook her head, “No, we’re pretty positive there was no foul play involved, there was no sign of struggle or damage inside your house.”_

_Carmilla opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to process everything as she blinked. Missing? Her mom? “Does your mother have a history of drinking or drug use?” Carmilla shook her head as she watched police officers enter her house._

_“No, not that I know of but no.” Officer Barnes nodded and scribbled on her clipboard._

_“_ _Your neighbor said she saw your mother leave the house at 9:00 am this morning, she never showed up to work and her coworkers started to get worried when she wasn’t answering her phone so they went by to check on the house and found nothing so they decided to phone the station at around 3 pm just in case, we showed up here to look around, we haven’t gotten anything.”_

_She couldn’t believe this, her mind was a blur as she listened to everything the officer was telling her. “I-I…I really have no idea where she could have gone.” She mumbled, her eyes trying to look from the officer, to her house, to her driveway and everywhere else._

_Carmilla and her mother were notoriously known for not getting along. The two fought like cats and dogs but that hadn’t meant they loved each other any less. There had been times when Carmilla had wished her mother would just go away, but every teenager thought that at some point._

_There were times where Carmilla knew her mother regretted having children, but never voiced it but she had sensed it._

_Even through all of that she still never wanted her mother to just up and leave, their relationship wasn’t perfect but Carmilla was getting the sickening feeling the phrase “be careful what you wish for” was something she should have paid attention to._

_The two had been placed together since Carmilla’s father had passed away in a car accident when she had been three._

_It had impacted her mother pretty heavily, so much that she had to leave Austria and his memory behind to start a new life. She didn’t remember much of her father since she had been so young but she did remember how he had made her smile and made her feel loved._

_That was something her mother had lacked greatly. Carmilla had gotten the feeling early on that her father enjoyed being a father but her mother had not taken to motherhood as easily._

_Officer Barnes looked at the young girl in front of her and sighed sadly, looking down at her clipboard. “We ran her license plate and found her car abandoned at an empty gas station about 30 miles out of town, we weren’t sure if she or someone else had left it there, the cameras at the station had been long blown.”_

_Carmilla's legs were finally giving out as she moved to sit down on the sidewalk, staring at the ground._

_Barnes sat next to her, speaking into her radio before turning back to her. “Do you have any siblings or family members in the area?” Carmilla shook her head slowly, “My older brother lives in Austria but my aunt lives about 30 minutes from here…” Barnes nodded as she turned to one of the officers._

_"Officer Kit is going to take you into the station and we’re going to phone your aunt, okay Miss Karnstein.” All Carmilla could do was nod weakly as she stood and followed Barnes to the police car._

_“Wait, wait! What the hell is going on here!” Barnes and Carmilla turned as they saw a frantic woman getting out of her minivan as she ran towards the scene, behind her LaFontaine followed hot on her heels. “Ma’am please stand back this is an investigation scene.” The older woman scoffed as she waved her hands,_

_“To hell it is! This young lady is my child’s friend, so can you tell me what the hell is going on?” Barnes sighed and waved the officers down, stepping over to talk with Judy LaFontaine as LaF walked over to Carmilla a puzzled look on their face. “Dude, what is this?”_

_“My mom…just like disappeared.” LaF’s eyes widened as they stared at the cream colored house in front of them. “What?! Like kidnapped or…?”_

_“They don’t know.” Confusion and hurt lays on Carmilla’s face as she rubs a hand over her own shoulder. “They say I have to stay with my aunt, she’s horrible…” LaF shook their head as they beckoned to their mom who was being ever so dramatic as Barnes told her everything._

_“You can stay with us of course. I didn’t see you in English class today so I was dropping by to give you your homework.” Oh right. School. Carmilla didn’t even know if she could go back to high school after this, how did these things work? Was she going to be able to have a normal life?_

_“Carmilla will be staying with us! I won’t have her spending the night in a cold police station.” Barnes looked at Carmilla, nodding her head to Judy._

_“Are you okay with this Miss Karnstein?” Carmilla gave an affirming nod. Judy was right it was probably way better than spending the night at the police station, the very place that would just keep hammering the disappearance of her mother into her head. “Thank you, Judy…”_

_The older woman smiled sympathetically and lead them towards her car. “I’ll come by tomorrow with anymore information for you Miss Karnstein.” Carmilla thanked Barnes as she went to gather her backpack where she had dropped it earlier._

_“Wait—can I go up to my room to get a few things?” Barnes turned to her and hesitated before she spoke into her radio, “Miss Karnstein and I are going to enter the house for her to collect some things.” She waited for a confirmation before she nodded her head to the house._

_“I’ll just be a minute…” LaF nodded as they got back into their car with Judy, Carmilla following the officer past the caution tape and to the front door. It felt so foreign, her childhood front door, something that had been a constant staple in her life was now being taken away from her just like everything normal in her life._

_Stepping through the threshold she made the familiar walk up the stairs to her room._

_Pushing open the door to her bedroom she stepped inside, trying to remember every second she had there because she knew after today she probably wouldn’t be returning. “We’ll be able to get the rest of your things once you have a more permanent place to stay.”_

_Barnes stood in the doorway, watching as the sad girl tried to revel in the moment warmth of her childhood room._

_She opened her drawers and took as many pieces of clothes she could she started to fill a small suitcase from her closet. After zipping up the small duffel bag she walked over to her bed making sure she didn’t forget one thing._

_Her yellow pillow. People had their comfort items like blankets and bears but for Carmilla it had been her yellow pillow. When her mother and her were leaving Austria when she was young she told Carmilla she was allowed to take only one object with her, her five year old self not really sure what to do grabbed the yellow pillow off of their living room couch._

_Since then Carmilla hadn’t been able to sleep without it by her side. As she lifted the pillow something beneath it caught her eye. Frowning she reached down to pick up a neatly folded note with **Carmilla** written on the front in her mother’s fancy cursive._

_“What the—“ Barnes looked up at Carmilla from where she had been looking through the girl’s stack of CD’s. “What’s that?” Carmilla shrugged as she began to unfold it, blinking she looked down at the scribbled words:_

_**I’m sorry. I can’t do this.** _

_Blinking again she handed the note to Barnes, turning numbly as she dropped the pillow and sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the wall as the officer radioed in they had found evidence._

_“Can’t do what? What can’t she do?” Barnes asked puzzled as she observed the note, holding it out a bit. Camilla’s voice was barely above a whisper but Barnes heard it,_  
****

_“She can’t be my mom.”_

 

—

 

Wednesday night finally rolled around, the week feeling longer than usual for everyone as their workloads piled on. Laura still hadn’t heard from Vordenberg’s son and she was slowly beginning to lose confidence on this story which she hadn’t even gotten yet, in the mean time she had started on a few others but she waited by her laptop all day for J.P.’s email to come in but still nothing was happening. 

These things took time, people in her office would reach out for interviews and hear back all but weeks later, for some reason she was eager to get going on this one. “I picked up some red wine do you think Perry and LaF will like this kind?” 

Laura held up the bottle out of her Whole Foods bag as Carmilla shrugged, still sitting on the couch as she flipped through the TV channels. 

“Are you going to get ready anytime soon? We have to leave in 30 minutes.” Carmilla waved her hand in response as Laura rolled her eyes. She was already dressed and in her makeup but Carmilla was still in her underwear and a tee shirt.

“I don’t wanna go.” Laura crossed her arms over her chest, “You already said yes two days ago! We can’t cancel and besides LaF is your good friend shouldn’t you want to see them?” Carmilla shrugged again, waving the remote around as she gestured with her hands.

“I see them pretty much every day at work, Laur, it’s Perry…I don’t know if I have the patience or mental space to deal with her right now.” Laura sighed as she walked into the den from the kitchen.

“I know but this will be okay, it’s just dinner with friends.” Laura watched the screen of the TV as various people on some dumb reality show yelled at each other before she snapped her fingers.

“Carm, come on I don’t want to be late, you know how Per is about tardiness.” With a groan Carmilla turned off the TV as she stood and mockingly saluted her. “Yes captain!” Laura stuck her tongue out at her as she went to put the wine in the fridge until they were ready to go. Turning to look down the hall Laura called,

“Carm! I can hear the TV in our room!” Another loud groan floated down the hallway in response as Laura chuckled.

 

—

 

30 minutes later they were walking down the icy sidewalk toward LaF and Perry’s place. The two lived with very easy walking distance from each other but during the cold winters everyone preferred using the subway instead of attempting the walk which would no doubt land someone on their ass on the icy pavement, a risk no one wanted to talk and especially Laura as she walked along in her heels hanging onto Carmilla. 

“How are you not falling all over the place?” Laura surveyed her also heeled wife with jealously as the girl gracefully walked down the street as her stilettos clicked on the ground. “I don’t know, it just comes naturally.”

Laura rolled her eyes almost slipping again as she yelped and clung to Carmilla’s arm like her lifeline. “Easy cupcake, we’re here…” Helping Laura up before herself they pressed on the apartment buzzer and waited for the door to signal they could come in. Stepping inside they let their bodies get used to the warmth before getting into the elevator.

“I hope they like this wine, it was the most expensive bottle, if not I’ll just take it home with us I’m sure it will be good with that cheese I got—“ Laura trailed off as she kept rattling on about her grocery shopping, Carmilla’s mind wandering from the wine to her work to inspecting the interior of the elevator.

The small ding signified they were at the right floor both of them stepping off as they walked to the familiar door which was the only one in the hall with a doormat that said: PLEASE USE THIS

A Perry creation no doubt. Reaching out Laura knocked gently as they both unbuttoned their jackets and let their bodies exhale from behind wound up in winter clothing.

“Laur, Carm! Hi!”

The door flung open as LaFontaine greeted them on the other side, wearing what looked to be a very expensive blazer and bowtie with their classic suspenders and trousers. “Come in, I’m sure you could do with the heat!”

The two stepped in making sure to get any snow off their shoes before entering. “We brought you some wine! I heard this bottle was the best!” LaF’s eyes lit up as they took the bag Laura handed them with a grin. “This looks great, thank you so much guys! Per’s just finishing up in the kitchen why don’t we sit in the living room.”

Laura followed LaF into the cozy apartment as Carmilla trailed behind and observed her friend. Something was off about them, not that they were usually very chipper, but this chipper seemed very forced but Laura didn’t seem to be noticing.

It was probably the fact Carmilla had known LaF most of her life she knew when something was off about them. Sitting down on one of their couches, Carmilla leaned back as LaF went to get them wine glasses, Laura popping open the bottle.

“Hey, do you notice something off about LaF?” She kept her voice low incase the scientist popped back in, Laura giving her a puzzled look. “Not really, does something seem off about them, they seem happy?”

“Yeah, it just doesn’t feel right.” Laura opened her mouth to say something before LaF reappeared and set the wine glasses down, pouring them each a glass. “So LaF how are you-“

“Oh I’m great! Everything is really good, thanks for asking Laur.” Laura blinked at how fast her question had been answered as she moved to take a long sip of her wine, Carmilla pursing her lips before taking a sip herself. “You were right this is really good! Per, come try this!”

There was a shuffling noise from the kitchen before the girl appeared still in her apron, also putting on a wide smile as she leaned down and took a big swig from her glass, Carmilla watching her with wide eyes.

Perry had never been as much of a drinker as her and LaF had been so to see this small uptight woman almost down her entire glass of wine was another indicator that something was seriously wrong right now.

“Whoa—Hi Per, how have you been?” Laura stood up as she walked around the couch to embrace her closest friend as they hugged. “I’ve been great! A lot of work but really good.” LaF watched them with a smile, Perry offering a smile to Carmilla which she returned.

“Per’s been teaching three classes this semester, students are suddenly wanting to learn German!” Perry smiled modestly as she took a seat beside her partner waving her hand.

“I enjoy it a lot, but NYU has been overloading me with students! I need a break soon.” Laura smiled glad to see her friends were okay but Carmilla still stayed on edge, sipping her wine slowly as she observed the couple in front of her. Her oldest friends. It was part of her job to analyze people and the two were clearly hiding something.

The light conversation continued on into the meal, Laura asking about Perry’s work as LaF and Carmilla made small side conversation about various things. As they sat around the dining table, Carmilla noted that the food wasn’t as good either because usually Perry slaved away in the kitchen in order to create an amazing meal but this time around some of the steak was burnt around the edges, the crutons in the salad were a little soggy and the mashed potatoes tasted processed but none the less it was good.

Twirling her fork between her fingers Carmilla also observed how LaF and Perry interacted, the two seemed stiff with each other. They were typically pretty affectionate with one another but today it seemed every contact LaF had with Perry the girl had to stop herself from flinching away.

Occasionally Perry would laugh about something and nudge LaF in the shoulder but other than that the two stayed pretty stoic.

“We’re going to get more wine!” Perry announced as she stood, picking up the table’s empty glasses Laura helping her as they made their way into the kitchen and out of sight. “Okay, what the _fuck_ is going on with you two?” Carmilla whispered harshly as she stared at LaF, grabbing their arm.

LaF took a breath and deflated a bit, shaking their head as she took a big bite of their mashed potatoes, shrugging. “Dunno…stuff…” They talked around the food in their mouth as they kept their eyes downcast, Carmilla actually starting to get concerned.

“I thought you two had resolved everything?” LaF let out a snort as they finally swallowed and wiped at their mouth with a napkin.

“I thought we had to but…things just keep coming up.” Carmilla wanted to inquire more but Perry and Laura took the opportunity as they reentered, Perry carrying a small cake. “Dessert time, I hope you all have room!”

They ate dessert in relative silence, Laura commenting every now and again how good the frosting was to which Perry would discuss the old family recipe she used. Pouring herself some more coffee Carmilla turned to Perry as she stirred her sugar cube in.

“So Perry, are you thinking of moving on from NYU or staying there a little longer?” The red haired girl swallowed her bite as she dabbed at her lips with her napkin, “I’m not sure. I’ve wanted to take a sabbatical for a while, settle down and do some other things…” Her voice trailed off as she glanced to LaFontaine before looking back down at her plate.

As the two left the apartment, Carmilla carrying boxes of tupperware that Perry had insisted they take, she watched as LaF and Perry both waved them goodbye from their doorway before it shut with a small click.

“Well, that was weird.” Laura breathed, looking up at Carmilla as they rode the elevator down. “Yeah no shit, what the hell was going on.” Both of them looked baffled as they stepped out of the doors and onto the street.

 

—

 

A loud pounding shocks Carmila out of sleep as she recognizes the sound almost immediately from the first time LaFontaine came knocking. She lifts her head off of Laura’s shoulder and checks the time on the clock. 

Three in the goddamn morning, of course. LaF always has impeccable timing. The one night she actually gets to sleep before 2 am and LaF shows up. Someone upstairs legitimately hates her.

“Who the hell is that?” Laura mumbles as she opens her eyes and rubs at them sleepily, grunting in protest against either the constant banging on their door that’s resounding through their apartment or Carmilla getting out of bed she’s not sure, but she presses a quick kiss to her wife’s temple before she shuffles out of the room sleepily, Rex following her as he almost bumps into the wall from how sleepy he is as well.

“Coming, coming…” She calls out to the door as she walks down the hall.

She tries to put her hair into some kind of order but it doesn’t really obey and stays tangled and messy where it’s piled on top of her head in a bun. She tugs down her oversized sleep shirt as she looks through the peephole to find, unsurprisingly, LaF.

She plasters on a glare and swings the door open to reveal her best friend, again drunk and almost tripping over themselves.

“Gooooood morning!” LaFontaine greets as they throw their arms up and stumble into the apartment, almost tripping over the umbrella bin in the foyer. “Do you have any damn concept of time?” Carmilla grits out as she shuts the door behind them.

LaF takes a look at their watch and Carmilla rolls her eyes at her friend’s sassiness, she couldn’t handle this not at this time in the freaking morning. “Yes,” her friend says. “It’s three in the morning. Is this a test?”

A shuffling behind her signals Laura has come to see what the ruckus is about it and it kind of pisses Carmilla off because it’s one thing if she fails to get a good night’s sleep, but thanks to Carmilla’s rampant sense of protectiveness, there’s an irrational need in her to make sure Laura gets one.

“It’s LaF, go back to bed, baby.” Laura shakes her head sleepily as she steps further towards them, turning on one of the hallway lights as everyone groans in protest. “LaF, what are you doing here, what’s wrong?”

When Laura asks what’s wrong and Carmilla feels a swell of affection for the way she cares about their friends. LaF just responds with a hiccup and a small cry, Carmilla thankful they haven’t shown up with the entire contents of a bar.

“Hey, hey, let’s sit on the couch, come on…” Carmilla leads them over to the couch as she helps her friend settle, Laura going to the kitchen to make tea.

“I just can’t be in my apartment right now,” LaF answers their voice taking a more sober tone and Carmilla’s eyes go wide with the honesty in the statement. “Perry and I are separating.”

The sentence hit Carmilla like a wall of bricks and suddenly she can feel her friend’s pain and it cuts her deep. LaF turns to look at her, the drunkenness from earlier now gone as they just stare at Carmilla with red and puffy eyes.

“ _What_?” Laura comes back into the living room, the sleep gone from her eyes as they remain just as big as Carmilla’s a look of pure heartbreak spread across her face. “Yeah. I told her she could have the apartment, I need to find a place—“

“You’ll stay here.” Carmilla’s response was automatic as she put her hand up for any protests that LaF was going to give but she received none instead they just sagged into the side of the couch, covering their face as a small sob escaped. Laura hurried over to rub LaF’s shoulder as she bites her lip, looking at Carmilla as the two stare at each other in complete and utter shock.

“I thought you two weren’t fighting anymore what happened?”

“We didn’t really ever stop, we kept fighting, we’ve been fighting for so long I’ve lost track of the time, I’m in this haze. I’m just so sick and tired, just so, so tired. We stared fighting after you two left and I just couldn’t do it. She won’t give up, she wants to take time off and raise a family—but I just can’t do that knowing what awful things are out there…so I told her to find someone else to have kids with a-and I think she will. I’m just trying to hold onto myself, there’s only so much I can argue and I think we’re both exhausted and done.”

Laura sighs sadly as she clasps LaF’s hand in hers. “I’m so, so sorry LaF…if there is anything we can do besides provide a living space please let us know. Maybe after a few days you two can cool off and then talk…I should go give Perry a call.”

Laura stood to go back into the kitchen, leaving Carmilla and LaF alone.

“I don’t even know what to say.” Carmilla stared at her friend of so many years, her mouth feeling dry.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

So she didn’t. The two sat in silence in the semi dark room, they sat until the sun came up over the horizon and flooded the room with light. LaF was sound asleep slumped over on the couch when Carmilla finally put a blanket over them, walking slowly back to her bedroom as she climbed into the bed.

Laura was still awake too, as Carmilla got into the covers she shifted and looked at her wife. Even in the exhaustion they were both in and the haze of the morning the two stared at each other with the same broken expression.

The fact that LaFontaine and Perry’s marriage was coming to an end hitting both of them.

 

—

 

Carmilla got into her office late the next morning at around 11. Her and Laura had tried to get some extra hours of sleep but to no avail, they had just laid awake and at one point she remembered they were functioning enough to have a little breakfast.

LaFontaine was still asleep on their couch where she had left them this morning. Laura had been on the phone with Perry for a while but from her description it sounded like she couldn’t decipher many words over the sound of Perry’s sobbing so she had settled for just listening. 

An hour after getting to work it was lunch time and she hadn’t realized how hungry she was until Kirsch strolled into her office holding a brown paper bag and a coffee. “You looked like shit when you got in so I thought you could use a lift.” He plopped the bag down in front of her as she shot him a glare followed by a gruff thank you as he took a seat across from her. 

Opening the bag her nose was instantly assaulted with the amazing smell that was Peter’s Deli sandwiches, specifically a Reuben on rye and a bag of chips. “Oh my god Kirsch, you are so getting the employee of month vote from me!” The taller man laughed as he took a bite of his own sandwich, chewing loudly as Carmilla unwrapped the delicate morsel and bit down.

“You look beat, were you and LaF out drinking last night, their office isn’t returning my calls?” Carmilla shook her head, swallowing around her bite as reality came back to her.

Reaching over for her coffee she took a sip, letting the warm liquid soothe her anxieties. “No—they’re just having a late start today.” Kirsch nodded but didn’t push the matter further, knowing LaF would probably want to tell him themselves.

“So did you just come in here to feed the monster or do you need something?” Carmilla asked around a bite as Kirsch smiled and dug around in his bag.

“Nah, you got a few things in your mailbox today and I thought I’d bring them to you. A letter was sent from Danny’s office but she said it had been addressed to you…” Carmilla nodded as she set her sandwich down reluctantly, clearing some space on her desk as Kirsch set her mail down.

Sifting through it she weeded out the spam mail. “Who gets a subscription to the Jolly Walrus Cookie Bouquet company?” Kirsch held up one of the coupons with a laugh, Carmilla darting a hand out to snatch it from him as she rolled her eyes. “Laura ordered one once for a coworker and now we can’t stop getting the damn coupons.”

Kirsch chuckled again as he shrugged, holding out his hand. “Can I take that one? I kind of need to send Betty an apology and it would probably be better said if I sent a cookie bouquet along with it.” Carmilla rolled her eyes as she gave him a pointed look.

“Oh my god, Kirsch what did you do this time?” He held up his hands in defense as he leaned back, Carmilla still sifting through the letters. “Hey I’ve tried apologizing…” He trailed off on a rant, Carmilla nodded every now and then to give him the impression she was listening.

Carmilla stopped as she picked up a black envelope, raising an eyebrow at the gold seal on the front. The shield was unrecognizable but it looked fancy. Turning it over in her hands she found no return address. “What the…” Kirsch stopped his rant as he looked over at the object in her hand.

“That’s some fancy envelope Karnstein.” She shook her head, moving her fingers to break the seal and open it. “There’s no return address.” Reaching inside she pulled out a small piece of parchment paper, a few photos falling out of the envelope after it. Holding up the note she scanned it, swallowing as Kirsch watched her.

**“ _Stay out of this. Or else.”_**

She blinked, finally looking at the photos that had fallen out of the letter, picking them up she held the black and white polaroids slowly realizing they were photos of the outside of her apartment building, another one was the front of her precinct.

The last one cut into her chest and made her heart jump; staring straight at her, head thrown back laughing without a care in the world were the faces of Sarah Jane and _Perry_ walking down the street.


	5. Getting Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you for the wonderful comments + kudos. I write this story for you all to enjoy and I hope you do xx!

—

 

_ Down the hallway of their apartment there was a small office space that Perry used to store all her German books and teaching items. LaFontaine didn't spend a ton of time in that part of their apartment unless they were actually with Perry but their wife wasn't home right now and they couldn't find their favorite sweatshirt.  _

_It was kind of childish, but that sweatshirt was like a good luck charm and Perry had taken to stealing it, no doubt because of how comfy it was, but at the most inopportune times. There was no way they were going to go to darts with the gang without their lucky sweatshirt._

_ So, after basically searching their entire household including the spare bedrooms and laundry area and the many storage closets, they went to Perry’s office in hopes that she had left it in her office after a long night of grading papers.  _

_ Lo and behold, when LaF walked into the small office space the grey and white striped sweatshirt was hanging off a chair near Perry’s desk. "Thank God," LaF breathed with a sigh of relief as they picked it up and slid it over their head. _

_ The fabric was warm and smelled like Perry and just like that, LaF stopped being annoyed that they had just spent an hour looking for the damn thing.  _

_They had 20 minutes before darts so they had to get going, making their way to the door they were halfway out of the room when they noticed it. _

_For whatever reason, the stack of papers in the corner caught their eye and curiosity got the better of them when they realized it wasn't sheets of German text or papers from Perry’s students like the rest of the documents that littered the room._

_When they actually picked the papers up and flipped through the contents, their stomach flipped over with realization and a sinking feeling took over their body. Looking up they sat down in one of the large armchairs gripping the stacks of paper in their hands. Darts would have to wait._

_ There was really only one reason for Lola Perry-LaFontaine to be reading about fertility treatments and adoption agencies. _

 

—

 

_ Perry strode into the kitchen in a flurry of movement, slamming a massive pile of papers on the kitchen counter, walking over to LaFontaine and kissing them hello before waltzing to the refrigerator to pull out a bottle of orange juice to set it on the counter.  _

_“Why aren’t you out playing darts, it’s Thursday isn’t it?” LaF shrugged at their partner as they watched the woman pour herself a glass of OJ and take a long sip._

_ LaF eyed the papers on the table as they shuffled the ones they had found in Perry’s office in their hands. They leaned their butt up against the counter opposite of Perry and watched their wife's hair swish around as she gave LaF a confused look. The scientist never missed a Thursday dart night.  _

_ “Is something going on—“ Perry began to speak up before LaF shook their head, holding up the papers in their hands as Perry frowned in confusion. Throwing them on the table next to the stack of Perry’s things, LaF pointed to them and waited for Perry to face her. "What are these?" _

_ Confusion spread across her face, Perry tilted her head to inspect the brochures and forms before a gasp of realization escaped her. "LaFontaine," she started, eyes wide as she looked back at LaF. LaF shook their head and cut her off as they stepped forward, holding the counter.  _

_ "Just tell me," LaF said, their eyes trained on Perry’s movements as the girl sighed and opened her mouth to say something, no words coming out as she stood there and babbled wordlessly for a couple of moments,  _

_ "I wasn't," Perry started, "I mean, I just - " _

_The words were choppy and hesitant and LaF felt they had had this conversation so many times before. The answer had always been no on their part but Perry was very set on not giving up the fight._

_Twisting the wedding ring on their finger they watched their wife with a sense of sympathy, the woman was clearly torn over expressing her feelings knowing these talks usually ended with one of them on the couch._

_“Per, we talked about this…” Perry’s eyes snapped to LaF’s as she snatched the brochures and forms off the table, holding them to her chest like they were lifeline as her eyes met her partner’s a fierce intenseness within them._

_“I know. That doesn’t mean I still can’t do research…” LaF rolled their eyes as they intoned, “Research? This looks like you actually contacted a few places, Per. That isn’t just research.”_

_Perry shrugged as she finally set her bag down. “I can’t just close the door on this topic, LaFontaine. I’ve wanted to be a mother since I was young, and you know that.” LaF shook their head as they felt an argument bubbling up. “Perry, everyone wants to be a parent at some point but you’ve heard my side it’s just too—“_

_“Dangerous, I know. I get it.” With a huff Perry turned on her heel and marched down the hall to her office and slammed the door, the walls rattling slightly. So much for talking about it._

—

 

Carmilla slammed her fist hard into the door in front of her a few more times, standing outside of Perry and (formerly) LaFontaine’s place. Her irritation is extremely evident as she impatiently starts kicking the bottom of the door as well as slamming her fists into it, something she knows will piss off Perry but at this point she could give a shit. 

The door suddenly opens a crack, Perry looking through the small opening as she gives Carmilla a confused look. 

“Carmilla…? If you’ve come to get LaFontaine’s things don’t bother, I’m going to burn them anyways.” Carmilla growls lowly as she kicks the door wide open with little effort, Perry yelping as she falls back against the wall of their front hall.

“What the HELL! You can’t just go barging into people’s apartments, a-are you crazy?!” Carmilla has no time for Perry’s antics right now, anxiety and anger is running deep in her veins at the moment, partially from the fact that Perry never mentioned she had known Sarah Jane but also because Perry’s face was on the photograph she had anonymously received which automatically throws her friend into the mix.

Stopping any rant that Perry had about polite apartment etiquette she all but throws the polaroid in Perry’s face as the woman huffs indignantly and catches it, inspecting it with wide eyes as she holds it out.

“Who took this?”

“How did you know Sarah Jane Vordenberg?”

“Who took this?!”

Carmilla pinches the bridge of her nose with her fingers before she turns on the woman once more, slamming the door shut as it echoes through the hallway.

“I’m not going to ask again. How do you know _her?!_ ” Perry huffs as her question is ignored, shaking her head as she goes to sit back down where she was previously in the living room. “I can almost remember this day exactly.” Carmilla followed her cautiously, watching her with guarded eyes.

“She was a student of mine briefly, she was taking German classes so she could interact better with her husband’s extended family or something…” Perry waved her hand, shrugging before she placed the photo on the coffee table. 

“She was so sweet and kind, she would stay after class if she had questions and asked a lot about my life. It was nice—to have someone that cared for once. LaFontaine and I were fighting so frequently she could see it on my face so she took me out for coffee that day this photo was taken. I have no idea it was being taken.” 

Carmilla nodded as she made a few notes on her pad, clicking her tongue. 

“I received an anonymous black envelope and this photo was inside of it. If you have any more information Perry, you better tell me _now.”_ Carmilla's voice was low and threatening and she truly didn’t mean to scare the girl but her patience was at a zero and her tolerance of the woman was probably around there as well. 

“I really don’t know who could have taken this, Carmilla.” Perry looked up at her, unshed tears in her eyes as she blinked before looking back down at the photo.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me she was one of your students?” Carmilla spoke through gritted teeth, standing tall as she looked at Perry across from her. The German professor shrugged with a bite of her lip she threw her hands up.

“Honestly? I didn’t think it was important at all, there are so many coincidences. She didn’t even finish the semester out she ended up dropping out of the class a month before the final and said it was because of family issues, we didn’t have contact after that.”

Feeling like she had hit a dead end Carmilla scaled it back with a sigh and tucked her pad away, even if Carmilla and Perry had their differences she could tell when she was being sincere and this was 100% the pure truth. She didn’t have the heart to be pissed off anymore at the broken girl in front of her. “Thank you for being honest.”

“Am I safe? Should I call the police about this??” Carmilla rolled her eyes forcing herself not to snap at the girl.

“Perry, I am the damn police. And yes, I’m going to make sure you’re safe…this photo is evidence so you may be asked to be interviewed about it…but just incase I want to put a guard outside your door.” Perry blinked at her with a shocked expression, “A…guard?! That doesn’t sound like I’m safe at all!” 

Carmilla held up her hands, shaking her head, “It’s what I can give you right now. I don’t even know where the photo came from, but I’m going to keep you safe while I investigate this further.”

Perry scoffed at that and stood, handing the photo back to Carmilla as she walked to the front hall. “I think you should go now, Carmilla.” The detective nodded and looked around the apartment, trying to remember everything for the feeling that this would be her last time in it was sinking in.

“LaFontaine’s at our place…they’re safe.” Perry shrugged and feigned indifference as Carmilla stood in the doorway, both of them knowing very well Perry would be relieved at that. She was about to turn and head to the elevator when Perry’s soft voice stopped her,

“I-I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to hurt them.”

Carmilla paused before she turned to Perry with hard eyes her voice cool yet harsh, “But you did. You really fuckin’ broke them, Perry.”

 

—

 

“Why are we wearing these hats? We’re doing a stake out not going to the Kentucky Derby.” J.P. huffed as he fiddled with the large beanie on his head, Laura slapping at his hands to leave it be. “We have to be somewhat disguised! This is a covert mission!” The two sat in the front of a black car, J.P. in the driver’s seat as Laura leaned over the passenger side with a pair of binoculars. 

“Laura, put those away that will just draw more attention to us!” They both spoke in hushed tones even though the windows were closed and no one was really around in this neighborhood right now. 

“Are you sure this is the right address?” Laura looked down at the scribbled words on her notepad, J.P. nodding as he took a bite from his sandwich and chewed loudly. 

“Positive. When your dad owns half of the city it’s pretty easy to find an address.” Laura looked out the window around the swanky neighborhood, the whole block felt like you had to own ten Mercedes and a private plane just to live on the street there.

Even the buildings were lavish with pristine brick and gated entry Laura didn’t even know neighborhoods like this existed in New York. “Do you think he’s home?” J.P. shrugged as she hit his arm, whining he looked at her

“Hey, hey! How am I supposed to know? I only agreed to this because you bought me lunch.” Laura rolled her eyes as she continued to look through her binoculars at the front door where the supposed son of Baron Vordenberg lived.

“Do you really think stalking him is going to get you an interview now?” Laura shrugged as she took a sip of her tea. “I don’t know, but it’s worth a try. It’s been a week and he hasn’t returned any calls or emails.” J.P. took another bite of his sandwich, swallowing before he spoke this time.

“Maybe he really doesn’t want anything to do with this Laura, have you thought about it? I mean, the dude’s dad is being convicted of murder and his insanely hot step mom is dead, he’s maybe not in the mood for this?”

Laura wasn’t taking no for an answer, ignoring most of what J.P. was saying she whipped out her phone and dialed a number,

“Hello! I would like to order a pizza to this address…”

 

—

 

_ “Oh my god, oh my god…!” Laura tossed her head back as she gripped the top of Carmilla’s hair and tugged, biting her lip in pure unadulterated pleasure. “Laura, babe, you have to be quiet…” Carmilla giggled as she looked up from between her girlfriend’s thighs.  _

_ Laura panted as she leaned back against the wall, trying to keep herself up on weak knees. “Sorry, sorry…I just can’t help it—oh my god…” Carmilla giggled as she continued her ministrations, reducing her girlfriend to a whimpering puddle as she held onto Laura’s ass, moaning as she licked once more up her girlfriend’s sensitive center, moaning loudly at her taste.  _

_“Guys, is it possible for you to stop having sex for one minute to help me bring more ice out to the cooler?”_

_The annoyed voice of Danny Lawrence broke through their steamy haze as Laura groaned, Carmilla making a mental note to get Danny back for this later as she stood, licking her lips as she pressed a kiss to Laura’s lips. “We’ll finish this later cupcake, I promise.”_

_Laura zipped her jeans up with an eye roll as she nuzzled her face into Carmilla’s arm as they opened the door to their room, a disgruntled Danny greeting them on the other side._

_“You do know this is our room, don’t you?” Carmilla crossed her arms as Laura giggled gently, nudging her as she whispered to be nice. “I’m well aware, Karnstein but LaF says they need more ice and we were both assigned to ice duty per Perry’s sheet so…”_

_Carmilla held up her hands as she pushed past Danny into the hallway. “I’m well aware, Xena.” With a groan from Danny the two continued down the hall towards the garage fridge bickering the entire time, Laura giggling as she followed._

_All of them were gathered at LaFontaine and Carmilla’s beach house in the Hamptons for Memorial Day weekend, a perk of having this place meant so many summer holidays and weekends were spent at the beach house._

_LaF and Carmilla had inherited the house from LaF’s parent’s who had insisted they take it even though they weren’t dead, the two had eagerly agreed and since then they had had this great getaway when the city got to be too much._

_LaF had given Carmilla the small motorboat that came on the dock since they had no idea how to drive it and in return Carmilla had let LaF turn the pool house into their own mini library. The two had spent their summers in high school here with LaF’s parents, it was a place of huge sentimental value, a place that Carmilla called her happy place._

_The smell of the barbecue wafted into the kitchen as Carmilla and Danny emerged with giant bags of ice, Laura carrying a smaller one as they made their out way onto the patio by the pool where LaFontaine was grilling, Perry arranging a salad as she fluttered around._

_“Throw me a beer!” Kirsch yelled from the pool as he tried to balance on top of a giant turtle floating device, Betty giggling as she sat on the side of the pool dangling her legs in. “Coming in hot!” LaF called as they tossed a fresh can to Kirsch as he snatched it out of the air thanking them._

_“Per where do you want this ice?” Laura asked as the frazzled woman pointed to the coolers beside the barbecue, Carmilla and Danny starting to fill them. “Perry everything looks great, you did an amazing job.”_

_Laura smiled at her friend as Perry shrugged modestly and looked around at the food arrangements. “Memorial Day weekend is so fun for all of us, we all get to come up here and enjoy, I just like it to be special every year.” Laura took a soda out of the cooler and took a sip, leaning against her friend. “It’s definitely very special, Per.”_

_“Okay, first burger is up who wants it?” LaF held up their spatula as Kirsch shouted and tried to swim to the side of the pool, everyone laughing as Danny smirked and took a bun, sliding the burger onto it as she shrugged innocently._

_“Sorry Kirsch you snooze, you lose!” The man whined like a puppy as he shook out his hair, water droplets flying everywhere as Danny shouted in protest, “Hey, hey!” Kirsch grinned goofily as he shrugged innocently. “Sorry, Lawrence!”_

_The tall girl rolled her eyes as she started to fill her plate, LaF serving up some more burgers, hotdogs and grilled vegetables as everyone made easy conversation around the table. Laura passed Carmilla a plate already filled with all the things Carmilla liked, she gave her girlfriend a smile, nudging her._

_“Look at you, taking care of me…” Laura shook her head with a laugh as she started on her own plate, “I know what you like, it’s my job to take care of you.” Perry watched them knowingly, Carmilla popping a chip in her mouth as she thought about the diamond ring she had tucked away in her bag up in their room._

_She had been carrying it around with her for weeks, not really sure when she was going to pop the question but she knew it was going to be soon. The past two years that Laura and Carmilla had been dating only solidified further how she thought they were truly meant to be._

_Their relationship had shocked Carmilla out of her moody view on love and placed her in an emotional state where she could give everything she had to Laura and in return the other girl had done just the same. It was as if the entire world had conspired to put Carmilla Karnstein and Laura Hollis together._

 

—

 

“He’s been standing there for 15 minutes, go and pay him Laura.” J.P. watched the pizza delivery boy through the window as he kept knocking confusedly on the door, Laura sighed and got out of the car, hurrying towards him as she held a twenty dollar bill out. 

“Hey, sorry we gave you the wrong address, here…” The boy looked at her in disdain before he snatched the money out of her hand and made his way down the street as she balanced the pizza on her hand. Turning back towards the car she made her way down the steps before she heard a door open behind her and a male’s voice,

“Can I help you? I didn’t order any pizza.” Laura turned slowly, her eyes wide as she stared at the very person she had been trying to see. “I, uh, no this is…are you Theodore Vordenberg?” She set the pizza down on the side of the pavement, the man watching her curiously as he stood half in his doorway.

“No and yes, I changed my last name after college. It’s Theodore Straka now.” Laura nodded, glancing to J.P. in the car before he scrambled out and hurried over, Theo turning to face him. “Hey…Theo! Do you remember me? We had a few business classes together…” Theo regarded J.P. before he nodded slowly, “I remember you. Look, what can I do for you two?”

Laura cleared her throat as she took a step up towards the door, motioning to herself and J.P.

“My name is Laura Hollis, J.P. and I work at the New Yorker and we were wondering if we could interview you about the current trial—“ Theo’s face instantly darkened as he clenched his jaw, cutting her off. “No thank you. I don’t wish to speak on that.” 

J.P. nodded and muttered an apology as he turned to go but Laura pressed on, not willing to give up the fight yet. “But please, Mr. Straka, I feel like you’d have some insightful comments and—“  


“And nothing. My father is being accused of murder and my step mother is dead. I want nothing to do with this, please get off my property.” With his last word he stepped back into his house and slammed the door the sound of a few locks turning following soon after. “Do we take the pizza or leave it here?” 

Laura stared deflated at the shut door before she shrugged and trudged back to the car, biting the inside of her cheek. She wasn’t going to give up on this one.


	6. Elastic Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Sorry this chapter isn't as action packed but it is emotionally packed, but I'm going to be updating with the next chapter tomorrow so you're getting two chapters quickly and the next delves into the case more! 
> 
> In the wake of recent events I hope everyone is staying safe and if anyone reading this has been directly effected I offer my love and support, if anyone ever needs anything please don't hesitate to reach out.
> 
> Thanks as always for everything xx

 

—

 

“We cannot tell LaFontaine about this, they’ll flip out and do something drastic.” Laura stared at the photos in front of her, staring at the faces of Sarah Jane and Perry as she swallowed, her eyes wide. 

Carmilla nodded as they sat in their breakfast nook, an add on to their kitchen that Laura had been adamant about since the remodel. “I agree, they don’t need this stress right now and we don’t even know if it’s just a scare, if it gets serious I think I’ll tell them.” 

Laura nodded as she picked up the other photographs, biting her lip in worry at the sight of their apartment and the front of Carmilla’s precinct. “I really hope you’re being careful, Carm…did you tell Danny about these?” Carmilla took a sip of her coffee and took the envelope, turning it over in her hands a couple of times.

“I’m going to bring them into her office tomorrow, I…went to talk to Perry this afternoon about them.” Laura’s eyes lit up as she looked up at her wife, worry, confusion and curiosity crossing her face, Carmilla knowing exactly what she was thinking. After all these years they could read each other so well.

“She’s doing okay, she said she was going to burn most of LaF’s things but I believe we’ll be getting a box full of their stuff sooner or later.”

Laura sighed as she leant back against the cushioned booth of their nook, wrapping her hands around her tea mug to keep warm. “Do you really think they’ll go through with a divorce?” She whispered, her eyes full of fear now as she looked at her wife, the very thought of Carmilla leaving her causing her heart to jump and her stomach to turn.

“I don’t know…” Carmilla straightened up as she reached for Laura’s hand, squeezing it as she watched conflicting emotions fly across her love’s face. “All I know is, for the longest time I thought Perry and LaF were the epitome of what sickening sweet love was, Perry wouldn’t hurt a fly but she’s torn LaF’s heart in two…”

Laura stood up as she made her way around the table and slid into the booth next to Carmilla, wrapping her arms around her as she dropped a kiss to her neck. “I know…how are you doing with all of this?” Carmilla shook her head as she melted into Laura, the warmth of her body making her feel better.

“I’m still processing, I’m just trying to help LaFontaine not die of alcohol poisoning right now.” Laura hummed as she tugged at Carmilla’s arm. “Well…you have the rest of the afternoon off before they get home and so do I…”

Carmilla turned and smiled down at her, dropping a sweet kiss to her lips as they reveled in each other’s closeness. The two of them had been clinging to each other lately, mainly because they had been so thrown by LaF and Perry they wanted to further hang onto their marriage even though they weren’t having issues it had scared both of them to their core, more so than they would admit.

Everything seemed so fragile to Carmilla now, even her relationship with Laura, just the thought of something happening was enough to keep her up at night.

“Let me show you how much I love you.” Laura stood as she tugged Carmilla up with her, leaning up on her toes to kiss her once more before the two made their way to the bedroom, clinging to each other’s hands and to their love.

 

—

 

_ “I love LaFontaine and Perry’s relationship,” Laura commented as they rode the subway late one night. They were standing near the door, Carmilla holding onto a pole overhead and Laura holding onto Carmilla. They had just left the aforementioned couple after a relatively pleasant dinner where, thankfully, Perry and Carmilla didn’t bicker half as much as they usually did.  _

_“Yeah?” It felt really juvenile, but harmony between her girlfriend and her two oldest friends was kind of important to Carmilla and while she wasn’t sure if it was a deal breaker, it was definitely a huge perk that LaFontaine and Perry already considered Laura to be one of their best friends._

_“Yeah, they’re really cute together,” Laura continued, an adorable crinkle to her nose._

_“If by cute you mean absolutely sickening to be around, then yes, I totally agree with you,” Carmilla answered, gripping the pole above her head tightly as the train zipped through the tunnels to Carmilla’s stop on Prince street._

_“They are not,” Laura retorted, the hands on Carmilla’s hips tightening as she swayed with the movement of the train._

_“You haven’t been around them for nearly as long as I have,” Carmilla argued, sliding closer to her girlfriend._

_“They love each other a lot,” Laura said. “You can tell.”_

_Carmilla laughed. “Yeah,” she admitted. If there was one ultimate truth in this world it was that LaFontaine and Perry were pretty much gone on each other. “They’re pretty obvious about it.” “It’s really romantic,” Laura gushed. “They’re so different yet they click so understandably, like they were made for no one else in the world but each other.”_

_“Yeah,” Carmilla said dryly. “They’re a real fairytale.”_

_“Carm,” Laura chastised exasperatedly as she smiled gently, “Trust me,” Carmilla explained. “When you’ve been around them for most of your life, their constant gushing over each other gets old.”_

_It was Laura’s turn to laugh at her. “You’d miss it if were gone.”_

_“It will never be gone,” Carmilla said. “I’m pretty much burdened with them for eternity.”_

_“You love them,” Laura replied knowingly and Carmilla tried to figure out how the hell a girl she had only known for a little while knew her so well already. It sent a warm feeling over her skin and she smiled without meaning to. “LaF is my best friend,” Carmilla answered. “It’s my job to be constantly annoyed with Perry while loving her at the same time.”_

_Laura fisted her hands in Carmilla’s coat near her hips. “They love you a lot too,” the other girl replied. Carmilla rolled her eyes and leaned closer to Laura, nearly pressing her up against the train doors. “Why are we talking about LaF and Perry?”_

_Laura tugged at the sides of Carmilla’s coat and smiled up at her. “What do you want to talk about instead?”_

_The train turned abruptly and Carmilla bumped into Laura gently, their faces inches apart. “You want to come over to my place for dessert?” Carmilla asked, her lips brushing over Laura’s lightly._

_Her girlfriend swallowed and bit her lip in a way that was entirely appealing. Carmilla glanced around the train car quickly to see if anyone was watching them but most of the late night riders had their noses buried in books or their faces pressed to the windows in sleep._

_Carmilla turned her attention back to Laura who was looking over her shoulder at a subway map of the stations. When she looked back at Carmilla she smiled before pressing their lips together._

_“My place is closer,” Laura whispered._

 

—

 

Carmilla walked down the hallway of the law office towards Danny Lawrence’s room, the snow outside had slowly been turning to rain with the change of the seasons and it kind of annoyed her how she had to deal with freezing rain now.

“Hey Karen, is Lawrence in right now?” The secretary at the front desk lifted her head as she held the phone between her shoulder and ear, nodding as she pointed to the closed door. Carmilla gave her a wave of thanks as she opened the door and stepped in quickly, shutting it behind her.

Danny Lawrence’s office was pristine and looked like any law office in any crime movie ever. It held the classic large mahogany desk with a matching chair and behind it stood dark wooden book shelves filled with classic titles and other selections bound in vintage covers.

It definitely looked like the office of someone who had gone to Harvard law and graduated at the top of their class. Something Danny never shut up about. Looking up from her laptop, reading glasses perched on her nose the red haired girl looked at Carmilla. “Karnstein, do you ever knock?”

Carmilla rolled her eyes as she took a seat in one of the large comfy chairs across from the desk.

“Nah, you know me.” Danny looked amused before she pushed away from her desk, looking pointedly at Carmilla’s bag.

“Even though I do enjoy your company greatly as you know, are you here for a specific reason?” Carmilla shuffled around in her bag before pulling out the black envelope she had received a few days prior, sliding it onto Danny’s desk. “Take a look.” The taller girl sat back down and took the envelope in her hands.

 

—

 

_ “I can’t believe you would bring that up to Carmilla and Laura.” Perry stood at their kitchen sink, scrubbing the pans in front of her as she turned to look at LaFontaine who was putting the left over food away in the fridge, a look of annoyance on their face as they spoke.  _

_ “What are you talking about, LaFontaine?” Their partner turned to them after putting tinfoil over the leftover steak, scoffing. “Oh my god, Perry, you were practically talking about having kids in front of them. Something I never agreed to.”  _

_Pulling her yellow cleaning gloves off Perry stood indignantly as she stared at her partner, her mouth hanging open as anger began to bubble up. “Are you kidding me? I never said the word ‘kids’, ‘children’, or anything! I simply said I wanted to take time off and do some things. I’m sorry if that wasn’t vague enough for you!”_

_LaF slammed a few plates down causing Perry to jump as she turned off the running water. “Who are you going to go off and do these things with, Per? It sounded like you were pretty much going full throttle on this children thing.” Perry sighed and shook her head, wiping her hands on her apron. “LaF, we’ve been talking about it so much I can’t have hope?”_

_Something finally snapped within LaF, everything came crashing into their emotions as months of fighting with each other caught up to them, throwing their hands up they shouted loudly,_

_“NO! NO! You can’t, Perry, you have to let this go! I have said no every single time and I’m not changing my mind soon—no make that never I am NEVER changing my mind, why can’t you get that into your thick fucking skull? It's never going to happen because it can't.”_

_Perry slammed her gloves down on the counter as they stood off, LaFontaine's anger making Perry defensive and angry herself. They stared each other down neither of them flinching._

_“I have been talking about this for years, since we met LaF, and you’re just throwing away my hopes and dreams because they don’t fit your agenda? How could you do that to me? After everything we’ve done together?”_

_LaF let out a loud groan as they covered their face with their hands, shaking their head violently as if the act would rid their head of the anger and hurt they had been feeling for the past few months._

_“I can’t willingly bring a child into this world knowing how horrible it is, Per, I just…can’t do that.”_

_Perry shook her head as she gestured around with her hands,_

_“P_ _eople have children ALL of the time! This would not be any different, I know you see so many things at your job but do you want to look back at this in 20 years and regret never starting a family? You were so into the idea when we were in college—“_

_“That was FUCKING college! I can’t even bare the idea of putting you or a child in danger now! Don’t you understand I’m saying no because I love you and I want you to be safe?”_

_They were both yelling now, expecting any moment for their neighbor to knock on the door with a noise complaint but they were too far gone, everything was finally coming to an end. They were both tugging at different ends of a rope and both were refusing to let go._

_“No, you're doing this because you refuse to see my side, fuck your whole ‘I’m doing this because I love you’. You're letting fear come between us, fear that we can conquer together if we stick together! If you love me then you would consider this and talk it out with me instead of getting so fucking pissed all of the time!”_

_“Why do you want a child so fucking bad anyways, Per? Why now? Why fucking now of all times in our life?”_

_Perry finally cracked, tears streaming down her face as she threw her hands up again, as if crying to any God that was up there to just listen to her and cut her some fucking slack._

_“LaFontaine, I have loved you forever…I have wanted to have children with you for as long as I know. I want to raise a family with you, it’s the time in our lives when we consider these things before it’s too late.”_

_The sight of Perry crying sliced into LaF deeply and made the sight psychically painful to endure. Turning they stormed into the living room too fucking exhausted with this fight. Twisting their wedding ring around on their finger they stood in the apartment as Perry followed angrily,_

_“So you have nothing to say to me? To your wife of 5 years?! Nothing at all? I’m standing here, reaching out to you LaFontaine. I hate this fighting just as much as you do, but we’re going to get no where if we keep pushing at each other, can’t we just talk?”_

_LaF was crying too at this point, tears falling down their face as they turned to face their partner. The person that was LaF’s shining light, she was everything to them, things didn’t matter unless they were doing them with Perry by their side._

_Everyday LaF was handed new case files, each case she had seen over the years had been more gruesome than the next she wasn’t sure how much more horrible they could get but somehow they managed._

_They had seen the homicides of innocent children and their mothers by psychopath fathers or jealous boyfriends. They had witnessed the ultimate heartbreak of watching a mother or father stand over their dead child as LaF read them the evidence and cause of death._

_Their job wasn’t easy and everyday new emotional baggage was added into the mix but LaF just couldn’t get the image of standing over Perry's lifeless body and sometimes the image of Perry's body with a child haunted them._

_Their child. They couldn’t deal if anything happened to Perry already and that fear was too strong it overpowered everything else. LaFontaine’s inherent protectiveness over Perry couldn’t extend further._

_Of course they had thought long and hard about the joys of having kids, since Perry wanted to LaF also did too, they wanted nothing more than to come home to a house with Perry and a few mini Perries but everything was against them in this war._

_“I can’t Lola. I’m sorry.” Perry stared at LaF as they used her first name, something they both rarely did with each other._

_“Susan—please…” Perry’s voice cracked as she reached for LaF’s hand, taking it in her own as they stared at each other._

_“_ _Why did you even marry me if it was going to come to this?”_

_The question shocked both of them back into reality. They both knew it wasn't supposed to be a hurtful question on Perry's part, instead it was genuine, full of the heartbreak and confusion that both of them had been feeling since the fighting began. It was the defining question and answer that could make or break them._

_LaF turned to look at Perry, biting their lip. If they couldn’t give Perry what she wanted then maybe someone else could. Maybe someone else could fill the void that Perry had and as much as it absolutely killed LaFontaine, and it rocked LaF to their core and, maybe this battle was lost._

_“I don’t know.” Their voice croaked out, Perry immediately dropping their hand as she stepped back like LaF had just slapped her across the face._

_There was a moment pause before Perry turned, grabbing her purse off the front hall table and keys, opening the door LaF watched with wide eyes, their legs frozen in place as they watched the love of their life walk away from them._

_“Be gone by the time I get back.” Perry turned, not able to look at her partner because she knew if she did she’d break down so violently she wouldn’t be able to collect herself. Is this what death felt like? Closing the door behind her with a slam she walked to the elevator, finally allowing herself to scream in heartbroken pain as the doors closed._

 

—

 

“I don’t know who could have sent this, but it remains as evidence. Vordenberg wouldn’t do something so obvious and threatening. Mind if I make copies to put into the evidence folder?” Carmilla shook her head as Danny called in Karen to come take the photos. 

Once her secretary was out of the room Danny turned to Carmilla, a look on her face that Carmilla had never seen on her before even after working with the lawyer for 5 years. 

“I want to keep this between us. Who else knows?”

“You, me, Kirsch, Laura and Perry.” 

Danny nodded as she went to her computer and typed a few things. “Keep it that way. If you receive another one bring it to me.” Carmilla nodded as she stood, Karen returning with the copies as she handed the originals back to Carmilla and left again.

“Do you know what’s going on with LaFontaine’s office? Betty has been returning my calls not LaF.” Carmilla shrugged back into her jacket as she slung her bag over her shoulder.

“LaF and Perry are separating right now, it’s been a shit show. They’re staying with us, and they have no idea about these photos.” Danny nodded deep in thought before Karen beeped in over the phone speaker,

“Ms. Lawrence, just a reminder you have a lunch meeting in twenty.” Carmilla raised her eyebrow, the hard ass lawyer who had made a judge cry once in court didn’t do lunch meetings. She rarely acknowledged anyone’s presence, it seemed to be an image that Danny liked upholding so she wouldn’t lose her edge as one of the best criminal justice lawyers in the city.

“Lunch meeting? Since when does Xena do lunch meetings?” Danny gave Carmilla the finger as she went to collect her brief case. “I met someone. I’m just testing it out, you know I’m…”

“Rigid as a tree?” Carmilla smirked as Danny gave her the finger again. “Yeah. Exactly. It’s been going pretty well, I just don’t want to screw it up.” A flash of vulnerability made its away through Danny’s voice as Carmilla picked up on it.

“You won’t. Just relax Xena, I hope you get laid soon, you need to calm the fuck down.” Danny shoved Carmilla hard and with her height it wasn’t hard for Carmilla to fall straight onto her face. “God dammit, Lawrence!”

“Oops! Sorry.”


	7. Face Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I am SO sorry this wasn't posted yesterday like I promised. I was having troubles with AO3 on my laptop and decided to post this today instead. Again I apologize xx

—

 

Carmilla looked down at the sheet of information in front of her, making sure she had the right address as she pressed on the buzzer to apartment 3B one more time. Shifting back and forth she impatiently waited as she heard shuffling behind the door. 

Checking her phone for the time she glanced around the small dingy China Town apartment building, down the hall loud music was playing and she could hear a couple screaming at each other angrily from the next door over. The apartment definitely had charm, it reminded her somewhat of the place her and LaF occupied their first year in New York. 

“Hello?” The door opened as far as the door chain allowed as an elderly woman eyed Carmilla. She wore a floral night gown and had fuzzy pink slippers on as Carmilla held up her detective’s badge, the woman’s face staying firm and unfazed.

“I’m detective Carmilla Karnstein with the NYPD, I’m so sorry to bother you Ms. Phillips but I have a warrant to do a small investigation on your son Dylan Phillips.” The old woman slammed the door before reopening it with the chain unlocked, standing in the door way with her hands on her hips.

“I don’t need the NYPD to come fuckin’ sniffing up my apartment, my son died last year and you already got the guy, what more do you need?” Carmilla sighed as she tucked away her badge.

“I know, I’m sorry for the inconvenience ma’am but your son could hold valuable information on the current case of Baron Vordenberg’s trial.” The older woman turned her lip up in a snarl, standing back as she beckoned Carmilla in quickly and shut the door. “In that case do what you want. I hate that man, he ruined the American middle class.”

Carmilla walked into the front hall with an amused look. Ms. Phillips certainly was an opinionated woman and she liked that. The apartment was littered with photos of Dylan everywhere. The small kitchen and living space was cluttered with trash, pots and pans, food and various knitting supplies strewn about. Carmilla couldn't help but feel a little sorry for the woman living alone here by herself.

“What do you need? I don’t have anything I can give you…” Carmilla shook her head as she took out her notepad, looking down the hall seeing two rooms. “Do you still have any of Dylan’s things? I would like to go through them if that’s possible.”

Ms. Phillips pointed down the hallway, a look of sadness crossing her face briefly. “I still kept everything in his room, nothing has been moved you can look in there.”

Thanking her Carmilla made her way down the hall, not really knowing what the hell she was looking for. She wasn’t even supposed to be here, there was no warrant or anything it was all fake but she wasn’t finding anything and something was nagging her to follow this lead to the end. Matska Belmonde was going to kick her fucking ass if she found out that Carmilla had been here without permission.

It didn't even matter that Carmilla was pretty good friends with the chief of police in New York, Belmonde would have her head on the chopping block none the less.

Dylan Phillips had been born and raised in China Town his entire life, his father had departed from an early age as LaF had discovered while investigating him, he had dropped out of high school and tried to take college courses here and there but nothing was ever finished.

It appeared he was supporting his mother his whole life and had felt a duty to help her in her old age. At the age of 27 he had been murdered in a string of serial killer murders throughout the China Town area, thus why the press had deemed them the “China Town Murders”.

All of the victims of the serial killer were random, no ties were found between them except their living location. Eventually the killer had gotten too messy and was easily caught and locked away.

Case closed, right? Not really. There was a reason Dylan Phillips was killed and he just happened to be working in Vordenberg Towers at the time, but no one could put their finger on it. Because suddenly a year later Vordenberg’s wife dies? Coincidences don’t happen in Carmilla’s world.

Even if Dylan had only worked at Vordenberg towers for a small amount of time Carmilla had an unsettling inkling she couldn’t get over which had led her to the China Town apartment.

Stepping into the man’s old room she was greeted by a series of Yankee’s and Sports Illustrated swimsuit posters, a few NASCAR posters falling from the walls. Shaking her head with a small eye roll she looked around the room that was now filled with boxes containing Dylan’s possessions. Carmilla took a step towards the bed and opened one of the largest boxes, starting to sift through it. "What have you gotten yourself into?" She mumbled to herself.

 

—

 

_ Carmilla stumbled into her apartment only about half awake and back aching from her bag slung across her back. She rolled her head on her shoulders and dropped her bag onto the floor in the entryway, shuffling towards the kitchen. Coffee. She needed coffee. And food. Food would be good. _

_She had her final exam at the police academy in four hours and she didn’t trust herself to sleep. If she fell asleep now, she’d pass out for her entire final, fail her evidence exam, get kicked out of the academy, never become a detective and not have enough money to buy that diamond necklace she wanted to buy Laura for their anniversary._

_She was running on autopilot, focused solely on her refrigerator and little else, so she didn’t notice that her kitchen lights were on and that there were clanking noises coming throughout the apartment. She really needed to get her final over and done with so she could sleep for about six hundred hours._

_Which is why when she stepped into her kitchen and saw Laura standing at the counter donning an apron and oven mits, she nearly had a heart attack._

_“Shit!”_

_Laura gasped and spun towards her. “Carm!”_

_“What the hell?!”_

_It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy to see her girlfriend. She was really happy. It was just that she couldn’t figure out why Laura was here and she was desperately running dates through her head trying to figure out if they had plans she had forgotten or if it was some holiday she hadn’t remembered. Detective school had fried her brain, it wouldn’t have been the first time she had accidentally ditched Laura._

_“Hey,” Laura said, calmer this time as she took the oven mitt she had on one hand off and threw it on the counter._

_That was about the time the smells in the kitchen hit her and her stomach growled loudly. Laura was cooking. Something delicious by the smell of it and Carmilla hadn’t had real food in days. Hot Pockets and Red Bull had been her standard meal in the library. She didn’t have time for anything else._

_Laura walked towards her and Carmilla finally let her brain register the sight of her girlfriend, dressed in this pair of short-shorts that Carmilla absolutely loved on Laura and Carmilla’s favorite sweatshirt, the NYPD’s logo big and bold on the front. There was a smudge of flour on Laura’s cheek and her hair was swept up in a messy bun, strands falling all around her face._

_She looked gorgeous and perfect and everything Carmilla needed to see right now. All that exhaustion from staring at the tiny black words for hours upon hours rushed out of her._

_“What are you doing here?” Carmilla asked as Laura stepped in front of her and gave her a quick kiss._

_“Making you food,” Laura answered simply, smiling._

_“Making me food?”_

_“Yes,” Laura agreed. “LaF mentioned that they and Perry had barely seen you these past weeks and you were probably holed up in the library, starving yourself to good grades.”_

_Carmilla nodded slowly and blinked. “So you came over here in the middle of the night to make me food.”_

_“Yes,” Laura said. “After watching you go through this twice now, I knew Perry was absolutely correct in her guess about what you were up to and I realized that the reason you keep showing up to our dates with bags under your eyes and your clothes wrinkled was because you’ve been living in the library.”_

_“So you made me food,” Carmilla repeated, her eyes still wide._

_Laura laughed and the sound settled warmly in Carmilla’s stomach. “Yeah,” she murmured, sliding her hands around Carmilla’s waist and dropping a kiss to her cheek. “You have a final in the morning, right? I figured you’d stop by here first.”_

_“How long have you been here?” Carmilla wrapped her arms around Laura’s neck and pulled their bodies closer._

_“Just a few hours,” Laura answered. “I stopped at that 24-hour grocery down the street and then used the spare key under your doormat.” Then her brain actually caught up to the conversation and she was able to put two and two together._

_“How did you get here?” Carmilla asked, pulling away slightly to look down at Laura._

_“I walked,” Laura replied. “And took the subway. How else?” “Laura,” Carmilla said darkly, her mind wandering to dangerous places. “It’s the middle of the night.”_

_Laura removed her arms and pulled away, walking over to the oven and opening it, grabbing her discarded oven mitt as she did it. “So?”_

_“So,” Carmilla responded, watching as Laura pulled a delicious looking casserole dish out and set it on the counter. Carmilla felt her mouth water at the sight. “You shouldn’t be out by yourself at this time of night.”_

_Laura looked at her like she was absurd before walking over to the refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of water. “You were,” she argued._

_“That’s different.”_

_“How?” Laura twisted the cap off the bottle and handed it to Carmilla, leaning back against the counter and crossing her arms as she observed her._

_“It just is,” Carmilla said, tipping the bottle against her lips and letting cool liquid slide down her throat. “Jeez, Danny sure did teach you how to argue didn’t she?” It was said amused and light and Laura was smiling at her softly._

_“Laura,” Carmilla intoned. “You shouldn’t be out this time of night. Especially in your neighborhood, I’m just trying to look out for you.”_

_“Carm, I’ve lived in this city for nearly five years, I know what I’m doing.” Laura pushed off the counter and went to the cabinet, pulling out plates and setting them down._

_In her head, she understood what Laura was saying, she knew she was sounding overly paranoid and protective and it was kind of ridiculous that she would imply Laura couldn’t handle herself but she couldn’t help it._

_She had just spent the whole night reading case after case about young, naïve women on dangerous city streets. About opportunistic killers and rapists that lurk around every corner. About undeserving people in terrible situations. Then Danny, night after night, telling her about whatever poor unsuspecting girl had gotten attacked, mugged, murdered that night._

_She didn’t trust this city. Not at all._

_“I know that,” she breathed, running a hand over her eyes._

_“Come on, Carm,” Laura said, reaching for Carmilla’s hand and walking them over to the kitchen table. “Let’s eat before this gets cold.”_

_Carmilla gave up. The food smelled really good and Laura looked fantastic in Carmilla’s clothes and she was tired and worried about so many things so she just stopped fighting. She let Laura take care of her in ways few people ever had._

_“Okay,” she said, taking a seat at the table. She set her bottle of water down and surveyed the food Laura brought over. “Thanks, by the way.”_

_Laura smiled and leaned down to kiss her. “You’re welcome,” she whispered before sitting down next to Carmilla._

_A stomach full of food later and only two hours until her final, Carmilla sat on her living room couch, Laura curled into her side and her evidence textbook open on her lap. The words all blended together at this point but she still made the effort, flipping the pages over and tracing her fingers across highlighted portions._

_“You’ll do fine,” Laura mumbled sleepily, fisting her hands into Carmilla’s shirt and cuddling further into her side._

_Carmilla turned her head and pressed her lips to brown hair, inhaling deeply for a moment and just resting there._

_“Thanks for being here,” she said for the fifteenth time that night. “I love you,” Laura said. “Where else would I be?”_

_Carmilla chuckled. “I like coming home to you,” she admitted, her palms sweating where they clutched her book, note cards strewn across the coffee table in front of her._

_Laura lifted her head up and looked at Carmilla with sleepy eyes. “Yeah?”_

_ “Yeah,” Carmilla let out. “I don’t ever want to not.” _

_It had been on her mind for weeks. Laura practically lived at her place anyway and when she wasn’t there, Carmilla was at Laura’s. It made sense to make this semi-official if Carmilla ever stopped being a chickenshit about it but she couldn’t seem to ever get the question out._

_It wasn’t the right time anyway. School was crazy and life was crazy and she wanted to feel like she actually deserved it before she and Laura started building a life together that tangibly. But she needed Laura to understand the sentiment all the same, needed her to know that it was out there on the horizon._

_“Yeah?” Laura said, this time more awake and staring at Carmilla with shiny, wide eyes._

_“You still shouldn’t be out at this time of night. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”_

_Laura rolled her eyes and sat back against the couch cushions. “Carmilla,” she started._

_All of sudden she got desperate out of nowhere. It was probably from being exhausted and nervous about her finals and the gruesome case she had open on her lap, but she couldn’t stop it._

_“I couldn’t stand it,” she said fiercely, needing Laura to understand it would absolutely kill her._

_Laura’s head snapped to attention and they locked eyes, staring at each other for a long moment before Carmilla shook her head and tried to get a hold of herself._

_“Sorry,” she whispered. “I’m really tired, and worried about my test and I keep thinking about all these terrible things and I just…”_

_“It’s okay,” Laura said, running her hand through Carmilla’s hair comfortingly. “It’s okay.”_

_“I’m really glad you’re here,” she finally said, leaning over to press a kiss to Laura’s forehead._

_“Me too,” Laura murmured. “Me too.”_

 

—

 

It had been a half hour and Carmilla still hadn’t found anything, she had been opening box after box mainly finding model airplanes and a few porn magazines here and there. Ms. Phillips had asked her a few times if she’d like something to drink the old woman was probably suspecting something was up. 

Carmilla was about to call it quits and cross Dylan Phillips off her list before one last box in the corner of his closet caught her eye. 

Walking over she peeled the tape seal off the top and lifted the lid. Inside was a bunch of clothing, his wallet, and some shoes. Beneath a hoodie she saw the familiar seal of Vordenberg Tower peaking out, biting her lip she lifted his old security guard uniform from the pile. 

She turned the jumpsuit over in her hands a couple of times, inspecting it for any damage, blood stains etc. Anything that could lead her to believe had had a role in this case. His name tag was still pristine, LaF being right about his short stint on the job. She dropped the uniform, deflated moving to stand before a lump in the jumpsuit’s pocket caught her eye. 

For whatever reason she was compelled to reach in, her hand closed around something cold and sharp as she pulled it out of the pocket her eyes widened as her hand opened to reveal a diamond bracelet.

This had to be more expensive than this entire apartment building’s rent put together, but why did Dylan Phillips have it? It then instantly struck her that she had seen this bracelet before. Frowning she examined it closely.

It was diamond encrusted, with small diamonds circling the outside and a few bigger ones planted in between like flowers. This bracelet had to estimate around 50,000 dollars maybe more.

It then dawned on Carmilla where she had seen this bracelet. In Sarah Jane’s photos from her phone. This exact bracelet had been one of the jewelry pieces that Sarah Jane’s company had sold. “What the fuck.” She muttered to herself.

This was something, she didn’t know what but it was definitely something. Looking around she tucked the bracelet into her bag, standing as she closed the box and exiting the room. “Thank you so much for letting me conduct my search ma’am.” She smiled at the old lady as she opened the front door.

“Did you find anything?” Carmilla shook her head, stepping out into the hallway. “Unfortunately not ma’am, I might have to return later, my precinct will keep you updated so I don’t barge in here next time.”

Ms. Phillips nodded as she smiled gently at Carmilla, knowing the girl was hiding something but whatever it was was none of her business. “Have a nice day now, detective.” Carmilla nodded her head in thanks before walking down the stairs, speed dialing Danny.

“Lawrence, I have something you’re going to wanna see, meet me at Henry’s in twenty.”

 

—

 

_ LaFontaine groaned, throwing their pencil down into their book as Carmilla gave them a weird look. Someone in the library shushing them as they rolled their eyes. “I’m never going to pass this exam.” They muttered to their friend, rubbing their tired eyes, exhaustion settling deep into their bones. _

_“Sure you are, just concentrate and you’ll pass.” Carmilla half-heartedly said her nose buried in her own books, gnawing on her pencil with her brow furrowed as she thought. “Hey, you’re the one that decided to drop out of law school to join detective school, you have it easier.”_

_“I do not! I have it just as hard as you.” Camilla knew LaF was teasing but she still kicked them under the table for good measure._

_Both of them dissolved into laughter before a librarian loudly shushed them again._

_“Go take a break, maybe get me a coffee from the cafe while you’re at it?” Carmilla grinned over at her friend, trying her best to put on an innocent cute face as LaF stood and pushed their chair in. “Fine, I want a croissant anyways. And you need to work on your cute face, it’s scary.”_

_Carmilla stuck her tongue out as LaF shook their head with a smile as they walked out of the library, digging around in their pocket for the ten dollar bill they know they had._

_Making their way to the college cafe that was so conveniently near the library they turned the corner and with a groan saw the length of the line. Of course everyone would be here during finals week._

_Grudgingly getting on line at the back, they took out their phone and opened Candy Crush, passing the time slowly before a shrill voice cut through their ears, turning they saw a frazzled looking girl with long curly red hair thrown into a bun as she waved her hands around._

_She was dressed straight out of a J. Crew catalogue but there was something about her that LaFontaine was curious about._

_“This was my spot in line! I just went to throw away from trash over there!”_

_ “Sorry lady, get to the back of the line, no cuts.” _

_The red haired girl growled as she stomped her foot, the boy in front of her unfazed as she motioned to the place in front of him._

_“You saw me right here! You saw me leaving to throw my trash away, just let me back in my damn spot!” The frat boy finally turned to her, his arms crossed as he towered over the smaller girl. “Just go back to the fucking back of the line before I—“_

_“Hey! Whoa, okay…uhm, you can have my spot. It’s five people back but it’s better than the end.” LaF looked between the boy and the girl as she huffed, jabbing a finger at his chest. “You better watch yourself!”_

_With that she turned on her heel walking to LaFontaine’s place as she set her jaw, looking angrily head as LaF watched her with wide eyes, moving their way to the back of the line before a hand shot out and stopped them, turning LaF looked directly at the fiery redhead._

_“Wait, uhm, thank you for letting me have your place. You must think I’m so dumb for getting mad over this…” The girl stopped LaF as they shook their head, letting out a small chuckle. “Not at all, he was being a douche anyways, it’s the least I could do, besides I was studying in the library something I’m not eager to get back to.”_

_The girl smiled thoughtfully, sticking out her hand, her body relaxing from its tense stance as LaF offered their hand with a shake._

_“I’m LaFontaine.”_

_ “I’m Lola Perry, but you can call me Perry.” _

_They both smiled at each other and held onto the handshake longer than necessary, it wasn’t until LaF realized their palms were sweating that they pulled their hand away. Lola Perry. The name rung in LaFontaine's head and for some reason it left a warm feeling in their chest. Lola Perry. A name they never wanted to and could never forget._

  _—_

 

"Why did you call us to Henry's at two in the afternoon? Happy hour isn't for like another three hours." LaFontaine set their bag down on the ground as they slid into their usual booth, Carmilla already nursing a beer as the waitress brought over one for LaF, knowing their order automatically. 

They needed to find a new bar to go to, the people knew them too well here. 

"Look." Reaching into her pocket Carmilla tugged out the bracelet she had found earlier, LaF frowning as she slid it to them across the table. "Did you buy this for Laura or something? Is this what you called us here for? A dumb bracelet?" Carmilla rolled her eyes and kicked LaF as she pulled up the photos from Sarah Jane's phone that LaF had given her a few weeks ago.

"It's the same bracelet, I found it in Dylan Phillips' work uniform." LaF looked up shocked as they observed the photos before picking up the bracelet, fearing they would break the delicate diamonds by just touching them.

There was a tapping sound as Carmilla looked over to see Danny entering the bar as she greeted Rick the usual bar keep and made a little small talk before making her way over to their booth.

"What the hell Karnstein, I was in a meeting what is so urgent?" Carmilla pointed to the items that LaFontaine were examining. Danny raised her eyebrows before sliding into the booth and picking them up. 

Two beers and a plate of nachos later all three of them they sat and talked quietly to one another. The bar had filled up a little more with the incoming happy hour crowd but they had kept quiet, putting away the evidence so no one would look over in their direction. 

"So you're saying Dylan Phillips had something to do with this?" Danny stuffed two chips in her mouth, talking around them as LaF tossed a napkin at her.

"He has to do something with this, this isn't a coincidence. I was at that man's apartment earlier, there's no way he could afford a 50,000 dollar bracelet."

"Do you think he stole it?" LaF cut in as they tossed back their second beer finishing it off as they motioned to Rick for another. Carmilla shrugged, her brain running in so many directions it was beginning to fry.

"You said he didn't have access to any other floors but the lobby, right?"

"Well, he was a security guard in the lobby, I'm sure he had access to the other floors..." Carmilla bit her lip as she looked down at her bag that held the bracelet and photos. "Maybe he did steal it and was going to sell it...but he was killed a year before she died."

"But how would he event get access to Sarah Jane's room?" All three of them sat back in thought at Danny's comment. It was true, even if he had had access to whatever floor Sarah Jane had been on he didn't have room access. 

"Mind if I take the bracelet? I can run a DNA test on it and see what matches up in comparison to the DNA found in the Vordenberg file." Carmilla nodded as she handed the ziplock bag to LaFontaine, praying this led to something. 

"I'll let you two know if anything comes up." All three of them agreed to keep each other updated. Standing they got into their jackets, closing out their tab with Rick as he wished them a good night. "We should do darts soon, Kirsch is getting anxious without it."

Danny nodded as she got out her umbrella, a black car already waiting for her outside the bar. "Night you two." Carmilla nodded as the rain instantly hit her face as it pelted down, her and LaF turning and starting the walk back to her and Laura's place making small talk with each other about their days.

Unknowingly to both of them a car was slowly following the two down the busy street, watching their every step.


	8. Calm Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone's weekend is going well! The title of this chapter is actually a lyric from the Maroon 5 song "Never Gonna Leave This Bed", I was listening to it while writing this chapter and it very much applies to LaFontaine and Perry's relationship in this chapter and in this fic in general. Thank you as always for reading, giving kudos, comments, etc. you're the ones that keep this fic going xx

—

 

_ Carmilla pretty much had jumped at the opportunity to take a position at the central Manhattan precinct. It was a year after Carmilla and Laura were married, before that Carmilla had been based in a precinct in Queens.  _

_ She had to leave her old job, she had to, she loved the people there, but she needed change and it was a notable upgrade from her former precinct. She was more than qualified, had a near sterling reputation and Matska Belmonde had hand picked her straight out of the lineup.  _

_She went after the job part from guilt, part from some messed up redemption complex she had suddenly developed. If she could spend the rest of her life putting people in jail maybe she could make up for the all the people she unknowingly and knowingly kept out of jail. It was idealistic and naïve but she took the job to do some good._

_She lost her first case on a Tuesday, just a few months after taking the job. Losing was new for Carmilla. Statistically she was one of the most successful detectives in the city, so hearing the words “not guilty” ring through the courtroom sent shock through her system like a rush of ice water._

_It wasn’t a huge case, but it wasn’t insignificant either. It was your standard homicide – poor young college student, just moved to the big city, slept with her windows open. The guy broke in, took all her stuff while she was right there asleep in bed and then stabbed her seven times._

_He wore a mask, there weren’t any fingerprints and no other witnesses. It was a hard case to begin with and the ex-boyfriend they ended up arresting, despite having a pretty shoddy alibi, was hard to connect to the facts on record. Reasonable doubt was a bitch sometimes and in this particular case it had ripped Carmilla a new one._

_She should have seen it coming, but it still hit her like a ton of bricks, leaving her to stare wide-eyed at the jury foreman and jump back when the judge smacked her gavel decisively._

_The rest of the day was a blur. All she could think about was the implications of what losing meant, of the justice she failed to bring for the victim, that she let a murderer back out onto the streets, that even the best of intentions couldn’t stop evil._

_At dinner that night, across the table from Laura at their favorite Indian restaurant, she felt almost robotic. And she couldn’t stop staring at her wife._

_Eventually it got kind of awkward._

_Laura reached out and grabbed her hand, eyeing Carmilla’s untouched curry. “Carm, are you okay?”_

_“Hmm,” Carmilla blinked. “What?”_

_“You’re staring at me,” Laura said, setting her fork down and leaning forward. “While I understand it is nice to always be looked at by you right now, the staring has gone from flattering to kind of creepy, Carm.”_

_It startled Carmilla out of whatever trance she was in and she glanced around the restaurant, the sounds from conversations and cutlery clattering around them flooding her ears again. “Sorry,” she said, pulling her hand out from under Laura’s and picking up her fork. She looked down at her food and tried to decide if she could actually stomach eating it. It was her favorite curry, but tonight her appetite was non-existent._

_“Don’t apologize,” Laura said with a shake of her head. She twisted her fingers around the stem of her wine glass as she watched her wife with her classic worried expression. “You just seem off. Is there something wrong?”_

_“No, I just,” Carmilla lifted her head but the words got caught in her throat when she looked at Laura._

_They were still young and while they certainly weren’t in college anymore, that young victim could have easily been them._

_She learned in school to separate emotion from the job, to see things in black and white. The law was a blunt instrument and getting too emotionally invested in the cases would hamper her ability to remain professional and get the job done. But that had slowly been peeling away, and especially since things weren’t always black and white._

_But right now, with her loss looming over her and staring into Laura’s concerned eyes, she couldn’t help but see the pictures shift - the gruesome crime scene photos filled with blood and bed sheets and a corpse – shifting into her house, her home, her Laura. And it was all the same._

_It was just another violent crime in a city where that was as normal as the sun rising and setting._

_“Carm?” Laura’s voice broke through her thoughts once more and Carmilla had to shake her head quickly._

_“Sorry,” she repeated, reaching for drink._

_“Did something happen?”_

_Carmilla ran a fork through her rice and shifted her foot forward under the table._

_“I lost a case today. A homicide.”_

_“Oh,” Laura said, tilting her head a little bit as she gave her a sympathetic look. “I’m so sorry, Carm.”_

_It felt pitying and placating and Carmilla had to rub her eyes to resist the urge to snap at her wife even though she meant well. “Whatever, I’m just distracted.”_

_“Carmilla.” Laura’s voice was soft and understanding and it butted up against Carmilla’s self-loathing painfully._

_“It’s fine,” Carmilla interrupted. “It was just a long day.”_

_She grabbed a piece of naan bread from the middle of the table and ripped it into pieces, staring at her food the entire time._

_“You’ll get the next one, Carm,” Laura said, low and entreating, her foot settling on top of Carmilla’s under the table, tapping down to emphasize her words._

_Carmilla shook her head. “Danny’s face…”_

_“Danny did the best she could,” Laura said. “So did you. Danny knows that. You’ll get the next one.”_

_Carmilla took a deep breath and dropped the bread onto her plate. “It doesn’t matter. It won’t change this case, it won’t stop this guy from killing again.”_

_“You can’t stop every bad thing from happening to everyone. You did the best you could; you can’t spend so much time dwelling on the past. It will drive you crazy.”_

_This time Carmilla looked back up at Laura and for a moment it felt like they were talking about something else entirely, something deeper and darker and Carmilla tightened her fingers around her knife._

_After a brief moment of forcing her breathing to stay even she deflated and looking into her wife’s eyes admitted, “I thought it would feel different.”_

_Laura took a sip of wine. “That what would feel different?”_

_“This job,” Carmilla said softly, knowing Laura was really the only person who would know what she was talking about. “I thought it’d feel better…”_

_“You’re doing a good thing, Carm. You’re not always going to win, but you’re still saving a lot of people. You’re helping to put a lot of bad people in jail. You have to focus on the wins, not the losses and do the best you can for each victim. That’s all you can do.”_

_Carmilla raised an eyebrow at her wife and twirled her knife around on the table. “When did you become all wise?”_

_With a coy shrug of her shoulder and a flip of her hair, Laura smirked at her. “I was born this way.”_

 

—

 

Perry poked her head out of her office door, holding a heavy book in her both her hands. She had heard the door open quietly a few minutes ago, and then there had been rustling and she was convinced there was an intruder in her house. 

Holding the book firmly she prepared herself to throw it at whomever was rummaging around in her living room. Tip toeing out of her office she rounded the corner and shouted loudly, tossing the book blindly.

“Get out of my house, intruder!!”

“Jesus, Per, it’s _me!”_

Perry shrieked as LaFontaine ducked when the book flew into the shelf behind them with a crash, before they straightened up with a shocked expression. “Jesus Christ, LaFontaine, couldn’t you have given me a notice? What the hell are you doing here?”

It was then that Perry noticed the suitcases and small boxes LaF was surrounded by, a few of them filled with their belongings, Perry recognized each item instantly, knowing exactly what it was and why it mattered to LaF.

“I left a message on the home phone, did you not get it?” Perry looked over to the answering machine, seeing the small blinking red light signifying a message. “Oh, I got in late last night I didn’t have the chance to see it, I’m sorry.”

LaF nodded as they went back to continue packing, folding various shirts and pants haphazardly, Perry awkwardly stood by the couch and watched.

“Here, let me fold your clothes and you can pack some other stuff…” Hesitantly she sat on the edge of the couch and took the wrinkly shirts from LaF’s hands, making a show of folding them slowly and neatly as she always did.

LaF turned and started to fiddle with their various gadgets they had left behind in their haste to get out of the apartment. Lifting a stack of folders they noticed a few photos underneath that had fallen out. Their wedding photos.

Swallowing LaF lifted them up slowly, tilting their head as they glanced over each glossy frame. They had been so happy, and so, so in love. What happened?

“I finished your pants, where are your…oh—“

LaF snapped their head up quickly, Perry peering over their shoulder at what they were looking at. “Sorry, I just found them—“

Perry shook her head and reached out to hold the photo frames, for the first time in a while she let out a giggle, LaF’s eyes widening.

“Remember this? Carmilla was so pissed a dove almost pooped on her.” LaF looked over to the photo that was taken the moment they were walking down the aisle. Officially married. Carmilla was in the background with the funniest expression on her face as she tried to avoid the flurry of doves flying overhead.

The longer Perry stared at the photo the more she started to laugh and soon LaF was laughing as well, leaning back against the side of the couch they held out the photo. “This is pure gold, Carmilla’s going to hate me for bringing this into her house.”

Perry bit her lip as she subconsciously set a hand on LaF’s shoulder, leaning over them to look through the rest of the photos. Warm memories flooded back into her body, not having noticed before how happy and in love they always looked in photos.

Even photos they didn’t know were being taken they only had eyes for each other. Perry hadn’t even noticed this because she had taken everything they had for granted. Their love had been so consuming and Perry had fallen into it head first. There was nothing she concentrated on when they had first gotten together, her grades had even slipped because of it, something that was so new to Perry.

It seemed they had been in their honeymoon phase forever, it never quite went away even after they got back from their real honeymoon. Perry had not been so fortunate with her relationships growing up. Her parents had divorced when she was young and since then she had never understood true relationships, until she had met LaF of course. 

She had gotten her happy ending, she graduated top of her class, had found a teaching job she loved and she had been able to come home to a partner that loved her so unconditionally. All of the fighting they had gotten into had surprised and scared both of them, but instead of fighting for each other they fought against each other. 

The sound of LaF zipping up the last of their suitcases pulled her from her thoughts as she looked over at her partner gathering their things. The apartment already felt empty even though there was plenty of things still there, just the absence of LaFontaine's energy was enough to make a cluttered room feel like a desert.

“Well that’s it, I’ll probably come back for everything else later if that’s okay?”

Perry nodded dumbly, watching them stand before she got to her feet as well, letting the photos fall onto the couch. “You can keep those, I don’t think I’ll need them.” It hurt, and Perry knew LaFontaine didn’t mean to be hurtful but at this point there was no avoiding it for both of them.

“Let me walk you out.”

The two awkwardly made the short walk to the foyer, LaF looking around their old apartment. “Well I guess this is it.”

LaF stood by the door, holding two suitcases in each hand as Perry nodded, wringing her hands together as they looked at each other, as if they were daring the other to say something first. LaF was looking at Perry with a look she had never seen on her partner before, and she had seen all of LaFontaine.

The tension between them was unexplainable, it was dense and they could both feel it. Perry wanted to cry, her whole world was crumbling down and the one person that could fix it was the cause of it. What could you do when the one person you'd take a bullet for was the one pulling the trigger?

Not knowing anything other than her caretaker instincts, Perry gestured to the kitchen lamely her voice quiet,

“If you’re hungry I can make you something—“

Perry was cut off as LaF pressed their lips to hers passionately. LaF was lost, they had no idea what had come over them but they couldn't stop, their body was working on its own autonomy now.

Perry melted into the kiss as she wrapped her arms automatically around LaF’s shoulders. LaF dropped the bags they were holding as their arms grabbed their wife’s hips.

The two kissed each other with a fierceness neither of them knew the other possessed. Perry grabbed everywhere on LaF’s shoulders as if she were really hanging on for dear life, she suddenly noticed they were moving, LaF pushing the two back to the couch, shoving their wedding photos to the ground.

 

—

 

“Hello, Mr. Straka, I know this is the 50th voicemail I’ve left on your phone but I’m really hoping you’ll come around because I think you’d have some very insightful…”

“We’re sorry, this voicemail has reached maximum capacity.”

Laura pulled her phone away from her ear as it made a loud beeping sound before the line went dead.

“God dammit.”

It had been a month since Laura and J.P.’s little stake out gone wrong. Since then J.P. had given up on chasing Theodore Straka (nee Vordenberg) and was convinced Laura had followed suit but she hadn’t given up.

She promised herself she would see this through to the end. That meant countless emails, voicemails, even mailed letters had been sent to the man’s house. She was surprised he hadn’t filed a restraining order against her. That’s what kept her going, if he hadn’t made a move to stop her why should she?

“Hey Laura, someone’s here to see you.”

Laura quickly put her phone down, shuffling any papers she had about Theodore into her bag as she smiled at the secretary, looking as Carmilla rounded the corner, her face lighting up.

“Carm! What are you doing here?”

Carmilla thanked the secretary as she walked into Laura’s tiny office, leaning over to kiss her wife before she pulled up, holding up a Dean & DeLuca bag. “I thought you could use some lunch.”

Laura squealed, smiling gratefully as she sat down, Carmilla sitting across from her as she started to unpack the bag. “I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to stop by, I didn’t get to see you I left so early this morning.”

Unwrapping her sandwich Laura nodded as she took a bite, chewing slowly before swallowing.

“That’s okay baby, I know you’re really working hard.” Giving her a grateful smile Carmilla tilted her head cutely before taking a bite of her own sandwich. “What have you been working on? Any interesting investigations?”

Laura swallowed another bite before she took a sip of her tea, a feeling of guilt settling in her stomach along with her food. She still hadn’t told Carmilla about Mr. Straka. It had kept her mind pretty preoccupied the past weeks but Laura also knew Carmilla was under tremendous stress and scrutiny from Belmonde, she didn’t want to cause a rift where it was unnecessary.

“Nothing, just some small cases here and there. I’ve been doing a lot of editing and such…” She trailed off before taking another bite, hoping Carmilla didn’t catch the small twinge in her voice. Luckily her wife was distracted looking through the lunch bag for her drink she hadn't caught it.

“I’m sorry Laur, I’ve been so distracted at work I haven’t really had a chance to ask you about your own, I’m going to do better…”

Laura shook her head quickly, reaching out to take Carmilla’s hand as she ran her thumb over her knuckles. “Don’t be sorry at all, Carm. I’m so proud of what you’re doing and I know you don’t mean to be so distant…”

Carmilla gave her a grateful smile, feeling a bit better as her own guilt started to dissipate. “You are really the best wife ever.”

Laura smirked and flipped her hair jokingly, the two laughing softly.

“I really came by actually because I was thinking we should go to the beach house this weekend, we could both really use some relaxation time and I just want it to be me and you.”

Looking at Laura hopefully Carmilla bit into her sandwich and watched as Laura pulled up her calendar on her laptop. “That actually would work out great for next weekend, we can take out the kayaks and everything!”

Carmilla grinned as felt a wave of relief cover her body. She would finally get some time away from the drama of her job, LaFontaine and Perry, and get to do what she loved most which was spending time with her wife.

Every now and then Laura and Carmilla loved to get out of the city even if it wasn’t to the beach house they used to camp and go on day hikes upstate. Usually every summer they also took a trip to visit Laura’s father in Vermont.

In the past two years they hadn’t been able to get out as much because of their busy jobs, and Carmilla felt it was necessary to reconnect on these trips.

As if Laura knew exactly what she was thinking she squeezed her hand, turning back to Carmilla as she played with her napkin. “I could call my dad too and ask him if we can make a trip to Vermont soon?” Carmilla smiled thoughtfully,

“I’d really love that.”

The need to reconnect wasn’t as bad as Carmilla’s need to just show Laura how much she loved her. The shorter girl would protest that Carmilla did that everyday, but with everything going on and the dissolution of LaF and Perry’s marriage there was an event more urgent need to keep her and Laura as normal as possible.

“What did you want to grab for dinner tonight?” Carmilla stood after they had finished, shrugging her coat back on and picking up her umbrella. The weather was in rain mode now, the snow melted away for quite some time, now the April showers were in full swing.

“I have nothing in mind, maybe LaF could pick something up on their way home?”

Oh right. Sometimes Carmilla forgot that LaF still lived with them. It had never crossed her mind to ask LaF to find their own place, it was second nature to her to be living with LaF. It had been the two of them for so long it hadn’t occurred to her how jarring it might be for Laura to have someone else in their home constantly.

Carmilla sent a quick text to LaF, checking the time, they hadn’t been answering their phone all day it was beginning to worry Carmilla. “I have to go get Rex from the groomer’s, I’ll see you at home tonight?”

Laura came around the desk to kiss Carmilla goodbye, squeezing her arm comfortingly. “I’m sorry that LaF has been with us for so long, just tell me if it ever becomes too much.” Laura shook her head, putting a finger to Carmilla’s lips.

“I love LaF and I’ll do anything to support them. I know how much they mean to you, and they’re so important to me too.”

It shocked Carmilla sometimes, how lucky she had gotten with Laura. It made her want to cry how understanding and caring she was. Sure, the smaller girl was stubborn as hell but she had empathy like no other. She could trust Laura with everything and anything.

Carmilla stood frozen in emotion, thinking about Laura, LaF, Perry, her job and also how their groomer was going to be pissed if Carmilla didn’t pick up Rex in twenty minutes. Laura’s arms wrapping around her torso brought her back to reality as she pressed a kiss to the top of Laura’s head, the girl knowing exactly what Carmilla needed right now.

“Thank you. I love you.”

Carmilla leaned down and mumbled, kissing Laura as she held onto her tightly. Not wanting to let go just yet, a surge of protectiveness gripping her heart as she buried her face in Laura’s neck, and exhaled.

 

—

 

LaFontaine shifted, their body feeling like a dead weight as they groaned and rolled over, the sunlight stinging their eyes a bit, rubbing their tired eyes before a body shifted against theirs, their eyes snapping open. 

They were in their old apartment. Wrapped in the fuzzy blanket that Perry always kept on the couch, and beside them, spooned into their front was Perry. Their Perry. The entire day came barreling back into their mind as they swallowed.

The two had slept together, and not just once but about five times until both of them had passed out from exhaustion. On the couch, against the wall, in the kitchen...

Slapping a hand to their forehead LaF looked down at the sleeping form of their wife. She was so peaceful, her red hair was splayed over the couch cushions, she was holding onto LaF’s arm as she always did when they were asleep together.

LaF felt the sudden urge to reach out and pull a strand of hair way from Perry’s face, watching as the girl let out a small breath before shifting but remaining asleep.

It takes them a few long minutes to catch their breath and get their body to stop shaking and by the time they finally think they have a grip on themselves they look back down at Perry curled up against them, small hands gripping LaF’s bicep and eyes closed in post-coital exhaustion.

It was a scene of what LaF’s life had been. And it was too fucking much right now.

Pushing off the couch they frantically searched for their clothes, pulling on their underwear and pants they scrambled for their shirt from wherever it had been tossed earlier. Their legs felt weak, like if Perry were to wake up and look at them, they wouldn’t be able to move, they would just stand their and stare dumbly at what they could have had.

“LaFontaine…? What time is it?” LaF froze, their shirt half on their body as they turned to look at Perry as she rubbed at her eyes sleepily, sitting up as she pulled the blanket up her naked body. LaF watched as the realization that had hit LaF earlier crossed Perry’s face, the girl looking everywhere but LaF.

“I should go.”

LaF started to pull their boots on, tying up the laces messily, their heartbeat pounding in their ears as their mind screamed for them to get the fuck out of there.

“Stay…you should stay. I can make us some coffee and food, or—“

“Stop. Perry…just. I need to go.”

Perry set her jaw, crossing her arms as her demeanor changed, LaF feeling a shift in the air. “That’s so like you, running away from your issues and leaving me here to deal with them.”

Perry’s words cut into LaF like a shard of ice, igniting an angry flare through their body as they tensed up, turning back to her.

“You’re the one that fucking walked out on me.”

Perry scoffed as she crossed her arms.

“Physically yes I did walk out first, but you had walked out on me mentally long before that.”

LaF shook their head, searching their head for an argument but their brain was short circuiting, everything about today was so messed up and LaFontaine just needed to get the hell out of here.

“But you physically left first, do you know how that destroyed me, Perry?” They felt lame, their argument was weak but they felt it all the same. The feeling from the night Perry left was running deep in their veins. Perry was looking at them desperately, both of them trying to gauge what the other was thinking.

The two had been able to read each other since they first met, but the girl sitting on the couch in front of her LaF saw as a stranger. The fighting had completely torn them in two, they didn't even know if they could repair this.

“Why didn’t you come after me?”Perry asks, sounding small and timid, like LaF’s the one that left. It's all so screwed up.

LaF straightens up and turns to fully look at Perry on the couch, she looked like an absolute vision. Her hair a mess, yet still remained beautiful and angelic, everything about her was perfect and it was becoming too much for LaF.

"I called you twenty-six times that night, Perry.”

“I dropped my phone…down a gutter that night. I was sobbing and it was snowing so hard I didn’t see where it went.”

LaF shook their head as it pounded, the excuse was real they believed that, but it still wasn't good enough. “Why didn’t you just come back?”

"I thought," Perry swallows and looks away, crossing her arms over her chest as she taps her foot up and down. "I thought the reason you didn't come after me was because you were glad I left. The fighting was over and we were done.”

LaF doesn’t know what to say. They stand there, their body feeling like cement once again as the night they broke up coming back to them. “I never wanted you to leave, Perry.” Perry looks up as she bites her lip, watching her partner with such heartbreak it cracks LaF, anger coming back into their body.

“I loved you, Perry. I loved you so much. But you took my heart and broke it into a million pieces!”

Grabbing their jacket and the rest of their bags angrily, LaF didn’t look back as they opened the door and let it close with a deafening slam.

 

—

 

It’s just after three in the afternoon when Carmilla’s cell phone buzzes loudly in her pocket, she’s in her apartment just having dropped off Rex from the groomers and the knowing dog is already plotting how he’s just going to get himself dirty all over again.

She slides it open with one hand and manages to keep her bag balanced in the other. “What?” she barks out.

“Meet me at Henry’s.” Is all LaFontaine says before hanging up.

It takes her about thirty minutes to actually get to their favorite bar. The rain has slowed everything down, including the subway stations.

LaFontaine’s got their forehead on the table, a cigarette in one hand and a glass of scotch near their other. All signs that LaF is having an extremely bad day. They never smoked unless it was an extreme situation. It started to worry Carmilla as she slides into the booth across from LaF, chewing her lip in worry.

It takes her a second to put it all together but it finally clicks. Alcohol, nicotine, and a fresh set of small hickies on their neck. Something happened with Perry.

“You didn’t sleep with her or anything stupid like that, did you?” Carmilla asks, leaning over to look at her friend.

LaF denies it but the truth is all over their face, the way her eyes glaze over at the memory and the choking sound they make at the question.

But LaF has zero interest in talking about it and when Carmilla questions them further her friend gives her an ultimatum. Shut the fuck up or get out.

Carmilla takes a long drink of scotch and holds out her hand for a cigarette, happy when her friend smiles and deflates.

She can do this for them at least.

They sit there for a while until her cigarette is burned down to the filter and she stubs it out in the ash tray. Laura was going to kill her if she found out she smoked. If they’re going to be here for a long time, she should probably call her wife.

She gets up from the table and slides her phone open, holds the speed dial down and waits until Laura picks up.

“Hey, Carm!” Laura exclaimed on the other end. “Where are you?”

“At Henry’s,” she answered, knowing that would say it all.

“Oh. How’s LaF, did something happen?”

Carmilla looked over at her friend, their head rolling on the back of the booth depressingly. “Not good.” She paused. “They slept with Perry.”

Laura gasped, and Carmilla almost chuckled she can just imagine the way Laura’s face would look in shock. “No way.”

“Yes way,” Carmilla smiled.

“That’s great!”

“Not so much,” Carmilla denied. “If it was great do you think I’d be at Henry’s with them right now?”

“Right,” Laura agreed. “Well, when do you think you two are coming home?”

“No idea,” Carmilla admitted. “I’ll call you if we’re here past dinner and we’ll grab something.”

“That bad?”

Carmilla studied the grooves and cracks in the wall nearby. “I don’t know. They’re in pretty bad shape.”

“I’m sorry,” Laura breathed.

“Yeah,” Carmilla sighs. She lets out a long breath. She just wants this thing to be over, she wants two seconds of her life to be uncomplicated and easy. “Me too.”

“Good luck, let me know if you two need anything.”

“Thanks. I love you.”

“You too,” Laura replied and Carmilla can practically feel her wife’s smile, feels the answering tug on her own lips.

“Bye,” she let out before closing the phone and walking back to the table and sliding back in next to LaF.

They get another round of drinks from Rick despite his hesitation and Carmilla turns to her friend, gearing up to force LaF to talk about what the hell is going on. They need to deal with this Perry situation and they need to deal with it now. LaF was always shit at handling their own feelings.

But before she can get any words out, the phone rings on the table and LaF fumbles around trying to reach for it.

Carmilla scooped it up before LaF can break any glassware and puts it to her ear, deftly avoiding LaF’s drunken grabs for it.

“Karnstein,” she answered.

“Carmilla, hi, we’ve got the DNA results back from the bracelet” Betty’s voice sounds calm yet urgent.

“And?”

"It has Sarah Jane’s DNA all over it.”

“We’re on our way.” Carmilla hung up quickly, motioning to Rick to pour them two waters. “Okay LaF, we have to get our asses moving. Betty’s found some stuff on the bracelet.”

LaF groans as Ricks sets two waters down in front of them, shaking their head and moving to push them way.

“You either drink this or I’m going to pour it on your head, your choice.” LaF sighs as they sit up and take the glass grudgingly giving Carmilla an icy stare that almost rivals the one that Perry gives her. LaF raises the glass in a mocking cheers before making a show of taking large sips.

Raising an eyebrow Carmilla slowly got out of the booth, grabbing her bag and taking their coats off the rack before throwing LaF's at them. Carmilla watches as LaF sets the empty water glass on the counter and throw her hands up in a "are you happy now?" gesture. Carmilla salutes her mockingly as they gather their things and head out.

“I knew you'd choose the first option.”


	9. Stutter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains very minor mentions of gun violence and because of recent events I wanted to put a trigger warning here, the next chapter will feature more graphic depictions and I'll also make sure to post a warning there as well.
> 
> Thank you for reading, I love writing this fic more and more everyday xx

—

 

“Hollis, it’s past eight what are you doing here?” 

Laura looked up from the glare of her laptop screen at Melanippe Callis standing in the doorway of her small office. Clearing her throat she closed her computer and started to fiddle with her hands searching her brain for an excuse. Her boss knew she didn’t have a close deadline, so there was no real reason she should be here.

“I was just doing some late night research, it’s easier to do when the noise of the sports department dies down…”

Callis laughed at that, stepping into the office and closing the door she took a seat, Laura straightening up immediately as her boss sagged into the chair. “No need to get all cordial on me, I’m here as a friend.”

Laura bit her lip, not wanting to make a wrong move as she looked at the powerful woman in front of her. She had only graduated two years ahead of Laura and yet here she was the editor and chief of The New Yorker.

Melanippe Callis had been the top of her class at Yale and had barreled her way through her undergraduate career. The tough as nails woman hadn’t come from the easiest background. Her father had been a raging drunk and because of that her mother was quite absent.

She had sky rocketed to the top of her class in high school and had earned a full scholarship to Yale’s writing college where she was the head of the newspaper her entire time at the university. Her love for journalism had kept her busy and so occupied she had never slowed down enough to consider a personal life.

She had learned to take care and fend for herself early on which is why her tough exterior remained. She didn’t trust easily and often, in fact she could only count the number of people she trusted on one hand.

And one of those people was Laura Hollis.

She had given the girl a personal interview when she had applied straight out of college. She had an impressive resume, top of her journalism classes at NYU and had years of experience in field work it surprised Callis that someone could be as accomplished as she had been when she was just in college. Laura Hollis reminded her so much of her young self she had to take a chance on the girl.

In the first year of hiring her she had impressed her greatly, and that was something that rarely if never happened to Melanippe Callis. Laura's bubbly and curious personality was another thing but she could deal with it if it meant she got some of the best reports she had seen in years.

“Having a hard time with Theodore Vordenberg?”

Laura looked up dumbfounded at Callis, her mouth opening and closing like a fish. “How did you know—how did…I’m sorry I didn’t mean to go behind your back and—”

“I know everything, Laura.” The editor and chief chuckled as she crossed her legs, waving her hand to stop the babbling coming from the younger woman’s mouth. Laura instantly shut her lips, her heart pounding in her chest.

She was about to get fired. She knew it. Ugh what was she going to do? How was she going to tell Carmilla? Would she even be able to find another job with Melanippe Callis on her bad side? This felt too much like the Devil Wears Prada and it scared the shit out of her, she was going to get axed from the best job she could ever have and it was all because of her stupid ambition.

“Laura, Laura! Calm down. I think it shows brave initiative on your part. Just a piece of advice? Let them come to you. You can all and badger people all you want, but if you really think this lead is worth following they’ll come to you in the end.”

Standing up and brushing off her pencil skirt Callis gave Laura a small smile and a wink, walking to the door as she turned back to the girl at the desk. “I look forward to reading it.”

Laura watched her boss go, a small smile on her lips. She admired the woman so much. Her poise and power were so balanced with each other it was unique to who Melanippe Callis was and unlike anything Laura had ever seen.

Picking up her bag she started to pile her papers and laptop into it, slinging it onto her shoulder she stepped out into the nearly empty office, a few stragglers remained trying to finish their last minute reports and at the far end of the hall Laura could see Callis sitting at her desk on a conference call. The woman never stopped working.

Giving her boss a small wave and a thankful smile she nodded goodnight to the secretary and walked to the elevators. She clutched the Vordenberg files in her arms, praying that something would come of this mess she had made. She had fallen behind on so many reports just to pursue this one. This meant she had to prove something and she wouldn’t give up until she did.

 

—

 

Carmilla hates the rain and loves it at the same time. It was a chilly and annoying thing to do deal but sometimes she imagined each droplet that fell from the sky was taking away her issues with it. 

Right now, the sound of thunder is nearly deafening, the puddles under her feet are too deep to really be called puddles, and the lightning makes her jump each time it flashes across the dark cityscape, reflecting off of the skyscrapers above, sawing along her stretched-too-thin nerves with little finesse.

And then there’s LaFontaine, sagged against the brick wall outside of Henry’s and glowering at the whole world. For some reason, in this one singular moment, Carmilla hates LaF the most right now.

They’re going on about Laura and marriage and how theirs failed, which is completely normal, but there’s a harshness in the words that’s laden with scotch and nicotine and it scratches against Carmilla’s nerves like sandpaper taken to raw skin. And that pisses her off.

Rain drips off the overhang above them and she checks her phone, waiting for Kirsch to arrive to take them to the lab. Her leg is twitching in fear and her brain is trying to tune out LaF, trying hard to understand where the words are coming from and not react like she wants to.

Because what she wants to do is shove LaF’s face into the brick wall, to make them shut up about marriage for five seconds because Carmilla’s vision is going red and she’s trying not to let all her irrational emotions take over her.

But then LaF breaks the last straw and actually has the gall to imply Carmilla would be better without marriage, and could survive without Laura, they actually speak the words aloud and it drives Carmilla to the edge.

She’s pissed and terrified and LaF needs to get the fuck over themself. Now.

So her hand whips out and smacks right across LaF’s face, cutting her friend off mid-sentence. The sound echoes a bit as LaF stumbles back but makes no move to attack Carmilla. They know better than that and especially trying to take Carmilla on inebriated is a death wish.

She should probably be shocked, chagrined, and apologetic but instead hitting LaF feels good.

“Christ!” LaF shouts. “I was out of line but that was unnecessary, Karnstein.”

“I get that this is hard for you, that you slept with Perry and she’s in your apartment without you and that’s hard. I get it,” she says, low, calm and angry. She jabs a finger out towards LaF and can’t stop the words from coming out, all the things she’s wanted to say to LaF for a long time, since the first time LaF showed up at her door drunk.

“I get that you’re drunk and depressed but let me tell you something. Get over it,” she commands. “Fuck her, kill her, get back together with her. I don’t care. Figure it out. I know she hurt you but you also hurt her and until you realize that, then nothing is going to get done in your personal or your work life.”

LaF’s face is blank and stubborn and to avoid hitting them again, Quinn grabs the lapels of LaF’s coat and pulls their faces together. It’s not romantic in anyway it’s honest and genuine, something that both of them agreed to always be with each other.

If that meant slapping the sense into LaF, literally, then they could take it. They knew Carmilla was right about this one.

“So you slept together,” she continues, seething. “So fucking what. It’s probably because that girl is still just as in love with you as you are with her but you’re being too much of a dumbass to do anything about it. She wants kids? So have a fucking kid! People have children everyday in our department. Don’t let fear take away everything that you love.”

LaF squirms in her grasp but Carmilla tightens her grip and shoves her back against the wall, feeling the muscles in her own arms clenching tightly at the overwhelming urge to do something much worse.

“Figure it out, LaFontaine. And stop taking it out on everyone else. Or I’m going to stop cleaning up the pieces and then you’ll really be shit out of luck.”

The moment is tense and harsh and when Carmilla looks into LaF’s eyes it’s like they’re not even looking at Carmilla, like this moment where Carmilla wants everything she’s saying to land and hurt, LaF doesn’t even care. But she does. They want this all to be over and they know Carmilla is right.

Sleeping with Perry should have mended them together, should have sealed all the cracks in their lives, but instead it feels like it tore LaF apart and they don’t know how to deal.

The words hang between them as they stare at each other, both of them breathing harshly and refusing to break first. Carmilla out of anger, LaF out of pride.

Anger keeps her gaze locked with LaF’s until she hears a car door slam behind her and Kirsch is standing next to them trying to examine the scene in front of him.

“Are you guys going to make out? Because if so, that would be hot but I don’t think we have time,” he says, breaking the silence.

LaF shoves her away and Carmilla lets them, steps back and clenches her jaw when LaF shoulders past her and gets into Kirsch’s car. Carmilla follows and slides into the back. Kirsch awkwardly gets into the drivers and looks at both of them before pulling away from the curb and speeding down the street.

 

—

 

_ When Carmilla moved in with the LaFontaine family permanently she had never felt more at home. In her actual home with her mother she hadn’t even really felt it was completely hers. Everything had been a cold reminder of what her mother had lost when leaving Austria but in the LaFontaine house she couldn’t help but associate it with warmth and the smell of Mrs. LaFontaine’s baking.  _

_It had taken some awkward adjustments at first, even though they had been so welcoming sometimes Carmilla felt like she didn’t know how to act around the family. LaF and her were good friends at school and stuck by each other, but just sitting at the dinner table Carmilla struggled to relate to the family._

_James LaFontaine was such a gentle man compared to his high strung wife. He would often try to strike up conversation with Carmilla in the friendliest of ways. He would never push her to talk about more than she wanted to and would even invite her to get ice cream with him on occasion when he told Mrs. LaFontaine he was going to the gym._

_His efforts were not lost on the girl, it had made her feel more and more at home with the family._

_They were such a happy family, something that Carmilla never really had and she didn’t know how to act in it. It wasn’t until she had gotten in a fight with her history teacher one day in March that she truly recognized the LaFontaine family was her home._

_Ms. Gregory had been wrong from the beginning, she was stating facts about Austria that Carmilla knew were false. And she was calling her out on it. The two were yelling at each other across the room, Carmilla trying to correct her teacher but she was having none of it._

_The day had been long and the lunch from the cafeteria wasn’t sitting right in Carmilla’s stomach and the whole situation was just pissing her off. Ms. Gregory needed to shut the fuck up now, the woman had no idea what she was even talking about._

_“You’re wrong about the occupation of World War II, Ms. Gregory, it actually didn’t happen that way—“_

_“Ms. Karnstein I advise you to please sit down and let me do my job.”_

_ “Sure…but you’re not getting it right, the occupation was actually in the central part of—“ _

_ “Ms. Karnstein, do you want detention!?” _

_Carmilla looked at the woman at the head of the class exasperated, throwing her hands up._

_“Just give me fuckin’ detention then! Anything is better than this class!”_

_And just like that Carmilla found herself sitting outside the principles office. She felt small, sitting on the waiting bench as she clutched her backup on her lap. The LaFontaine family would surely realize what a nightmare she was and kick her out now. They would understand why her mother left, they were going to give up on her just like everyone else had._

_Carmilla looked up to see Mr and Mrs LaFontaine hurrying down the hallway towards the principals office. Judy LaFontaine had a deathly expression on her face and Carmilla braced herself for whatever was to come._

_“Can I help you?” The receptionist stood as the angry pair approached her desk. Judy scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest, motioning to Carmilla sitting on the bench._

_“What the hell is this about? Did someone hurt her?”_

_The receptionist shook her head and looked down at Carmilla’s detention slip. “She was arguing with a teacher and got sent to detention…are you two her parents?”_

_Carmilla watched with eyes wide as saucers as Judy didn’t miss a beat, “Yes, we’re here parents and we demand you rip up this slip and release her into our care, we’ll be taking her and Susan LaFontaine out for the rest of the day.”_

_The receptionist rolled her eyes as she took the slip and put it in the trash, gesturing to Carmilla. “You’re free to go. Have a nice day Mr and Mrs LaFontaine.” Judy huffed as she turned, her entire demeanor changing as she reached for Carmilla’s hand, the girl taking it shakily as they stood and walked down the hall._

_“T-Thank you so much, Mrs. LaFontaine, it won’t happen again…”_

_ “Mom. Call me mom. And of course it will, Ms. Gregory is a fucking mess!” _

_Carmilla looked up at Judy, a weird feeling pulling at the back of her eyes as she felt them flood with tears. Happy tears. And she was laughing. She couldn’t help it, she had never heard Judy LaFontaine swear in the entire time she had known her. She had never felt a feeling of belonging until now. She was home_

_She looked to James as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and gave a squeeze, chuckling along with his wife as well._

_"We're your family now, Carmilla. We'll always be here protect you."_

 

 

—

 

Laura stepped out of the large Conde Nast building, letting out a frustrated sound as the rain instantly starting pelting down. She opened her bag, standing under the awning of the building as she dug around for her umbrella.

She finally found the damn thing when she noticed the rain falling onto her had stopped. Frowning she looked at the still pouring rain hitting the ground before she glanced up to see an umbrella already looking overhead.

“Thought you could use this.” Turning her head she saw Theodore Straka looking over her holding the umbrella as he smiled slightly. “Oh my god! Mr. Straka, I didn’t see you there. I’m so sorry! If you came to tell me to cease and desist I completely understand—I-I don’t even know why I was calling you so much, I’m so sorry I harassed you so much—“

“Whoa hey, slow down there, it’s Laura right?”

Laura nodded dumbly, not able to form anymore sentences as her lips glued shut. The man stood tall in a crisp and fitted suit, he wore a long black trench coat over it. His hair was slicked back and he had a leather bag slung over his shoulder that was probably worth more than Laura’s apartment.

“Call me Theo. I wanted to talk with you.” Laura held onto her bag, still gaping at the man standing next to her.

It was as if Melanippe Callis could see into the future and she had seen this one coming. “I did some research on you. Investigative journalism, right? I think I can help you on this case.”

Laura still couldn’t speak. She was convinced this was some kind of prank or she was dreaming. Was Ashton Kutcher about to come out with a bunch of cameras? Theo laughed gently at her deer in the headlights expression as he continued speaking,

“You’re married to the detective on my father’s case, right? I think I could help you both.”

She didn’t even have the words in her right now to ask where he got that information, but being as rich as he was it was probably like doing a google search for him.

“So do you want my help?”

Laura blinked, her voice suddenly coming back to her as she practically shouted, thankful there weren’t a lot of people coming out of the building at this time.

“Yes! Yes I do! I’d love to talk to you!” Theo laughed again as he motioned to a black car waiting by the curb. “We can’t talk here. Do you have a favorite restaurant or diner we could go to?” Laura scanned her mind, remembering the diner her and Carmilla frequent quite often on Sunday mornings.

“Wait. How do I know you’re not going to murder me and leave my body somewhere in a ditch…?” Taking a step back Laura looked up at the man as he almost started laughing again, crossing her arms over her chest she raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry. Well, there are about a dozen security cameras just on the outside of this building…” Theo pointed in a few directions at various cameras. “So I assure you if you did go missing they would know who did it instantly. But just for good measure take a photo of us and send it to a friend.”

Laura awkwardly got out her phone, handing it to Theo as he held it out and took a selfie. Laura looked confused while he made a funny face. Thanking him Laura took the phone and emailed the photo to J.P. with her location.

For some reason she trusted this man, even though he was literally the son of Baron Vordenberg, she felt there was something about him that wasn’t sinister at all. Still she dropped a pin from her phone to J.P. and Perry just in case.

“I know a good diner.” Laura gestured to the car as the two walked towards it, Theo holding the door open for Laura as she slipped inside as they took off into the rainy night.

 

—

 

“So why now? Why did you suddenly decide to talk to me now?” Laura and Theo sat across from each other. A hot mug of tea in front of her and an expresso in front of him. They were in a booth at the far end of the diner, away from the late night diners and people who might listen in. 

Theo sat in a relaxed way as he played with the cuffs of his shirt. He took a sip from his cup before looking at Laura. “I was sick of hiding. I’m ready to help you, but it won’t be easy.”

Laura raised an eyebrow, playing with the rim of her mug. “Why not?”

Theo shifted, biting his lip before he learned forward and spoke quietly, “Because I think I’m being watched and I can’t do anything suspicious.”

Laura swallowed as she crossed her arms, “So you’re putting me in danger too?” Theo shook his head as he took a bite from his untouched plate of eggs.

“No. I had the tracker removed from the car we took and I switched vehicles about twice. I’m being very careful, I won’t put you in any danger, Laura. The reason I never answered any of your emails or phone calls was because those are probably being watched too.”

She nodded, sighing as she played with her own plate of toast. “So…if you’re in so much danger why do you feel the need to come forward? Wouldn’t that put you in more danger?”

Theo sat back, looking like he was in deep thought as he closed his eyes for a moment before bringing them back to Laura. “I may be. But this is the right thing to do, if I don’t do this then there may be no hope in my father’s case.”

Laura leaned forward, wanting to know more as Theo continued. His voice seemed to take on a lighter tone, his throat bobbing like it was hard for him to speak as he looked away from Laura and out the window.

“I know he killed her. I know my father murdered Sarah Jane. But he wasn’t alone.”

Laura almost spit out the tea in her mouth, she let the cup fall onto the saucer as she coughed into her napkin, Theo not taking his eyes off the window. “Oh my god! Then you can take this to court, you—you can win the case!”

Theo snapped back to Laura, his face instantly hardening again. “No. I can’t do that. not at all, and keep your voice down.” Laura frowned as she sat back, so many confusing thoughts running through her head.

“What do you mean you can’t?! You’re his son, you could end this case, everyone would believe your word and you probably have proof!”

Theo slammed his fist down on the table, making Laura jump as a few people glanced over at them before returning to their own meals. “No, you don’t understand. I was doing illegal activity to try to stop him and he knows that. He has influences with all of the organized crime in the city, I would be put behind bars before I could even get a word out.”

Laura swallowed hard, shaking slightly. She realized this case was bigger than anything she had ever faced, and here she sat across from a man that knew the truth. He seemed torn, his face would go through so many emotions Laura wasn’t sure if she could face this alone.

“Then how can you help me if you can’t even reveal yourself?” Laura was getting frustrated, was this just a way of Theo telling her he couldn’t be apart of it?

“I can help you because I can give you information and your wife can help us. I know there’s a way we can destroy my father, but it can’t be done easily.”

Theo knew something, he knew more than anything Carmilla had dug up in the past six months. He was the key and Laura was going to follow this to the end. “Okay Straka, tell me how we’re going to do this.”

 

—

 

“We found Sarah Jane’s DNA all over the bracelet, as well as Phillips’, but there were also other traces that we think are Vordenberg’s.”

Carmilla picked up the bracelet from the examination table, her gloved hands turning it over a couple of times as she nodded. Betty sat at a computer desk a few feet away, showing Carmilla the data they had collected.

“I wonder why Phillips’ had this, do you think he stole it?”

Betty shook her head as she stood and walked around LaF who was passed out on one of the lab benches, handing Carmilla the data files. “This doesn’t look like this. From the information we gathered he never had key access to any of the rooms, only the floors.”

Kirsch stood next to Carmilla as he glanced down at the bracelet, shuffling through the data papers as Betty explained to them.

“Maybe someone paid him off for seeing something.” Carmilla and Betty’s heads snapped to look at Kirsch. It was the first smart thing he had ever said in weeks. “This bracelet is worth around fifty grand right? Phillips’ didn’t have a record of stealing, if this has the DNA all over it then maybe he was paid off with it for seeing something he shouldn’t have?”

Carmilla leaned back against the lab table, motioning for Kirsch to keep going.

“Well, he quit after only like a few weeks of working at Vordenberg Tower, right? He was probably paid to keep hush about something so he could sell this, I mean you said his mother was living in a poor environment, he probably just wanted to help her.”

Carmilla grabbed Kirsch by the cheeks, looking like she was going to kiss him as he laughed. “Kirsch, you’re a genius! This could be the exact case!” Betty smiled as she picked the bracelet back up and put it in a ziplock bag.

“We don’t know for sure but we’ll keep running tests on it.” Carmilla thanked Betty as she crossed her arms, still deep in thought. It wasn’t a big break and it was minor information that wasn’t clear but it was still something.

Kirsch looked down at his radio as a voice buzzed in, walking out of the lab to take it as Carmilla walked over to LaF, lifting their head they examined the place where she had slapped them. “Betty, do you have any frozen peas or something? I don’t want them to bruise.”

The lab assistant looked over amused as she nodded and went to the lab fridge, taking out an ice pack and tossing it to her. LaFontaine groaned as they sat up when Carmilla pressed the ice to their eye. “Just keep it there.”

Betty sensed the room and made herself scarce, walking around to the back to check on samples she left LaF and Carmilla alone as she took a seat. “Hey…I’m sorry about earlier.”

LaF shook their head, completely conscious as they let out a long breath, setting the ice pack down. “I deserved it… _most_ of it. I’m sorry I was out of line earlier.” Carmilla shook her head, placing a hand on LaF’s arm as the two sat in comfortable silence, knowing the other was apologetic.

Carmilla opened her mouth to say something before Kirsch ran full speed back into the lab, almost knocking the door off its hinges. Carmilla stood up automatically, her hand going to her gun holster, her eyes wide with worry at his scared expression as he tried to catch his breath, Betty coming out from the back as she eyed him.

“What the fuck, Kirsch? What is it?” Carmilla grated out, her heart starting to beat fast at whatever was about to come.

Kirsch pointed to his radio babbling as if he didn't know what to say, looking around for his jacket as a sinking feeling took over her stomach and squeezed her chest. It felt like she couldn’t breathe as she was left in suspense. Kirsch wasted no time as he headed towards the door flinging it open,

“Perry’s been shot.”


	10. I See Fire: Part I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry to leave you in suspense (mwahaha I know I'm evil), so here's two chapters, originally it was one chapter but I wrote so much I decided to split it into two parts! Enjoy + thank you for all the support this fic has gotten xx 
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains graphic depictions of gun violence + mentions of it and I'd like to put a warning here for reasons I've mentioned in my earlier chapters.

—

 

_ When Carmilla got shot, Laura had been in an interview and unreachable, LaF was in a meetingwith Danny, and the only person that had picked up on the first ring had been Perry. _

_She had rushed to the hospital in no time, canceling her afternoon class and making sure to call everyone. It had surprised Carmilla how much initiative Perry had taken. It wasn’t exactly the first face she wanted to see coming out of a sedative but it was comforting no less._

_Kirsch had been waiting for Laura outside the Conde Nast building when she had finished her interview._

_She jerked back in surprise when she saw him.“Should I be creeped out that you look like a stalker?”_

_He didn’t even crack a smile, or a leer or any of the other normal Kirsch faces. It was one of the more suspicious moments of her life._

_“We gotta go,” he said, pushing off the wall and walking towards her. He latched on to her elbow and pulled her down the street towards his car._

_Her eyebrows shot up and she pulled away from him abruptly, nearly hitting a passing person with her elbow. “What the hell, Kirsch?”_

_“We gotta go,” he repeated, glaring at her and cocking his head down the hallway._

_“Have to go where exactly?” She shifted her bag on her shoulder and watched him defensively._

_“The hospital,” he said and she could see the way his jaw was clenched and the red around his eyes._

_Then, feeling like a complete and total idiot for not putting two and two together and getting four, she looked around him. “Where’s my wife?”_

_Kirsch took a shallow breath. “We gotta go,” he said._

_Her eyes went wide before she shot down the sidewalk next to him towards his car, panic taking over her every movement._

 

_ — _

 

_ “Where is everyone?” Carmilla groaned, still in a groggy haze as the sedative began to wear off. She looked up at Perry, blinking a couple of times as Perry sat by her bed attentively and brushed strands of hair from her face. _

_The gesture between the two was so foreign but in her druggy haze Carmilla couldn’t tell the difference and even felt that Perry’s presence was what she needed right now even though she would never admit this. Especially to LaF._

_“I called everyone, Kirsch is bringing Laura and LaFontaine and Danny are almost here.”_

_ Carmilla nodded slowly still confused as to why Perry was the only one in the room but it felt comforting. She was scared half to death and Perry could see it in her eyes.  _

_“You’re going to be okay, Carmilla, I’ve got you for now…”_

_The pain in her arm was excruciating and she needed Laura to come and make everything better. “Can you get the—“ Before she could even finish her sentence Perry was out in the hallway harassing any nurses she could find to get help for Carmilla._

_Smiling to herself Carmilla sat back and bit her lip, a wave of relief flooding her at the fact Perry was here before she closed her eyes her world fading out slowly._

 

_ — _

 

_ Kirsch slid his hand up and down the steering wheel and tapped his fingers on the gear shift between them as he drove.  _

_“She was just in surgery, Perry said she’s out and a little responsive…” Feeling like she was going to cry Laura put her phone down after finishing the nine voicemails Perry had left her._

_“You should have come up to my office and barged in instead of waiting out here!” Laura screamed at Kirsch, wanting to toss him out of the car. Her mind was scattered and she felt like she was going to have a heart attack._

_“There wasn’t any time,” Kirsch answered, glancing at her briefly trying to remain calm himself. “It all happened really fast.”_

_“What happened exactly, Kirsch?”_

_“It was dumb,” Kirsch mumbled. “The guy had fucking luck pure, dumb luck. If I had been there two seconds earlier…”_

_Laura put her hand over his and held tight. They were silent the rest of the ride._

 

_ — _

 

_ Laura barreled through the hospital hallways, turning a corner and nearly tripping when she spotted a familiar figure standing outside one of the rooms. Her face was stained with tears and her mind was screaming at her to find her wife then find whomever had shot her and make them pay. _

_“Perry!” She let out as she grew closer. The other woman was yelling at a few nurses but stopped when she spotted Laura, her expression changing as she ran to meet her halfway._

_Perry drew her into an instant hug, a relieved sag noticeable in her shoulders as she did so. “Laura.”_

_“Hey,” Perry said softly, stepping in front of her and examining her face. “You okay?”_

_Laura bit her lip and looked down the hallway, “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I’m just scared half to death.”_

_“She’s okay, she got out of surgery and they took the bullet out. It was a clean shot, I got here as soon as I could.”_

_It then occurred to Laura that Perry had been the only one here with Carmilla. How interesting that must have been._

_“It’s going to be okay,” Perry murmured even though she didn’t really feel it. Laura was itching to get inside and see that Carmilla was alive for herself. Her wife was in pain and for some reason she felt like she had been shot too. Her entire world had shattered when Kirsch delivered her the news._

_“The doctor’s are in with her right now so we can’t see her right away, why don’t we get a coffee?” Laura wanted to protest and just barge into the room anyways. Perry sensed that and before she could do anything Perry was steering her towards the hospital cafeteria._

_“But Per, I need to see her!” Perry shook her head, wrapping her arm around Laura’s shoulders comfortingly. “You’ll be much more coherent if you see her once you calm down, she’s not going anywhere I promise…”_

_Reluctant but knowing Perry was right Laura complied and let herself be led to the cafeteria._

_They sat at a table near two big windows in the back of the cafeteria where Perry was turned to watch the collection of nurses smoking outside, gathered together under an overhang to escape the rain._

_Laura watched them too for a moment, sipping her tea and letting the liquid warm her body on its way down._

_After awhile she broke the silence. “Perry, do you know what happened?”_

_Perry bit her lip and spun her coffee cup around on the table. “She was off-duty,” she replied, her voice kind of shaky. “She was with Kirsch and they were supposed to meet LaF for drinks and she stopped into that mini market for something, you know, near Henry’s?”_

_Laura nodded as her leg bobbed under the table. Unable to contain the fear that had her heart in a vice grip_

_“And, um,” Perry looked outside at the parking lot for a second before looking back. “There was a guy in there with a gun.”_

_Laura knew the store well, Carmilla stopped in there a lot to grab snacks or a post-work energy drink. She could almost imagine the scene without Perry having to say anything more. It made her sick to her stomach and she wanted to vomit the tea she had just consumed._

_“Carmilla tried to stop him,” Perry chuckled. “Of course.”_

_“Anyway, he had a friend,” Perry continued. “Carmilla says he came from her right and he got her before she even had a chance to see him.”_

_Laura nodded, feeling her eyes burn at the image of a bullet hitting Carmilla. She looked down and steadied herself on a deep inhale._

_All of a sudden Perry’s hand was over hers, warm and solid on the table and Laura’s head came up to look at her. “It’s okay Laura,” Perry said, a small smile on her face. “Sometimes bad things just happen but then it’s okay.”_

_It didn’t go over Laura’s head for one moment the deep genuine care that Perry was showing for Carmilla. Usually the two acted as if they didn’t care whether the other were dead or alive but now in face of reality Perry was the one who had been there first for Carmilla._

_It was strange to be in this position, and have Perry telling her everything that had happened with her wife, like the two and their differences had completely dissipated the moment she was shot._

_Looking into Perry’s eyes, she could hear the rain from outside, see Kirsch’s face awash with guilt and pain and almost imagine Carmilla in that market – there only by chance._

_Laura pursed her lips and shifted her eyes to study the rain again. All she wanted to do was see her wife._

_“Yeah, I guess they do.”_

 

—

 

In the first ten minutes since Kirsch broke the news everything seems to go in absolute slow motion. Everyone had sprung into action before he even finished his sentence but it didn’t feel like time was actually moving to Carmilla.

Every movement she made felt lethargic to her even though she could register she was doing things at normal speed. She almost forgot her bag and jacket but thankfully Kirsch and tossed them at her as they ran down the corridor. 

The only sound she can hear is the roaring in her ears. Her legs feel like a dead weight as she runs out of the doors of the science building and through the rain to Kirsch’s car. Her hair sticks to her face as she tries to fling it away to look around.

LaFontaine runs after them as they throw off their lab coat and exchange it for a jacket, Betty following all of them as Kirsch shouts into his radio. “Karnstein and I are going to the crime scene now. Betty, you and LaF need to get to Mount Sinai immediately, Perry’s being brought in there now. It happened in front of her apartment.”

Betty and Kirsch start quickly talking logistics as Carmilla flings open the door to Kirsch’s NYPD car before turning back to look for LaF standing in the pouring rain looking lost in panic and grief.

They’re locked in place next to Betty as she talks to Kirsch, Carmilla can sense the panic rolling off of them and she knows if she doesn’t do something quick LaF is going to go into a blind rage.

“One second.”

“We don’t have that, Karnstein!” Kirsch shouts as he slides into the vehicle with ease, starting the engine as he kicks up the windshield wipers.

“One fucking second!” Carmilla ignores the rain beating down on every inch of her body as she heaves it towards her best friend, gripping their bicep. The motion of Carmilla’s hand squeezing brings LaF out of their blind panic, the two making eye contact as they share an expression they both know too well with each other.

They had agreed long ago to never bullshit one another, they kept trust by a series of facial exchanges with each other. This one they rarely ever used and it was meant to signify to both of them that neither of them was sure of the situation but they were going to get through it.

That very expression was plastered across each of their faces now.

“Get to the hospital. Breathe. Just get to the hospital. I’m going to get there as soon as I examine the scene. Laura will be there by the time you arrive.”

There was no time to sugar coat her words to try to make them more comforting, Carmilla had to get to the scene gather as much evidence as she could, but LaF understood this was Carmilla’s way of telling them that this is how they were going to move forward.

“Do your job,” LaF commands, their voice shaky as they just stare at Carmilla. “You have to do your job.”

Carmilla locks gazes with them and nods once, jaw clenched. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

All LaF could do was move her head in a nodding motion numbly, Carmilla turned and motioned to Kirsch. “Let’s get the hell over there.”

As Kirsch and Carmilla pulled away from the curb, LaF watched them go not even bothering to open their umbrella as they let the rain take over every inch of their body. Betty was saying something about a car being there any minute but they heard nothing but the rain hitting the ground around them.

They had never felt more lost in their entire life.

 

—

“It won’t be easy, and there’s a lot of evidence I can’t even get my hands on but with your help I’m sure we can.” Theo finished his small speech, sitting back as he watched Laura listen to him intently. His coffee had long since gone cold and it was basically just the two of them left in the diner.

Laura pursed her lips before quickly scanning over the series of notes she had taken, she had almost filled an entire mini notebook as Theo had spoken.

The silence was broken by her phone going off for the 50th time, earlier on she had kept silencing it but she was beginning to grow worried.

“I’m sorry, one second.” Theo nodded as she quickly swiped her screen and held it to her ear. “Carm, what’s wrong?”

“Why the hell haven’t you been answering your phone! You need to get to Mount Sinai hospital _now_! Perry was shot.” Her wife’s voice was urgent and broken which gripped her heart in the same way it had when she had gotten the call about Carmilla being shot. It was unsettling and made her hands shake.

“I’m on my way.” Hanging up quickly she turned to Theo and gathered her things before she slid out of the booth. “I have to go—a huge emergency came up, my best friend was just shot…”

“Go. Go of course, we’ll be in touch.” Theo nodded, reaching out to help her but she was already halfway to the door.

Not even stopping to thank him Laura all but sprinted out of the diner and caught the first cab she saw. Her mind was in overload as she checked all her phone messages trying to gain control of her shaking body.

 

—

 

She had noticed it of course, the moment she stepped out of the grocery store on the corner of the street. The sleek back SUV that was parked across the street. She had thought nothing of it, although noted that it was pretty fancy and out of place in the neighborhood.

Although her and LaFontaine lived in a pretty good neighborhood in the the West Village area, a car like that still wouldn't be parked along the streets so casually. The problem was there were usually never cars parked along the streets because of the narrow sidewalks.

It was probably an uber waiting for someone, usually it would make her eyebrows raise and give her a bit of unease but then again it probably wasn’t so surprising considering the amount of drunk people that called car services in her apartment building.

It was also raining which attributed to the fact that she couldn’t see the car as clearly. It only crossed her mind for a second how it was so oddly parked on the street corner.

“Where the hell are my keys…?” Mumbling to herself, Perry switched the grocery bags in her arms to one as she tried to dig around her purse. She could hear the clink of her keys inside her bag yet the darkness of night and the crappy street lamps weren’t really helping her task.

She stood at the bottom of the steps up to her apartment, balancing her umbrella between her shoulder and cheek as she rummaged through her purse. Because of the beating of the rain and the loud house party going on down the street Perry can’t hear much of her surroundings.

Her head is already pounding with a small headache and all she wants to do is crawl back into bed with a giant tub of ice cream and binge watch something on Netflix. She wants to forget LaFontaine and the week she’s had. She wants to forget that her marriage is over.

She wants to forget how in love she still is with LaF, but before she can do anything she noticed the car had moved slightly closer to her apartment or maybe it was her just being crazy and seeing things.

It was probably just her usual paranoia but it spooked Perry and she needed to get inside now she would just press every buzzer in the building because someone was bound to let her in.

Running up the steps she paused at the top as she regained balance of her bags before she heard a loud popping sound, something like a bullet but before she could even react a sudden burst of pain seized her shoulder and she screamed out, dropping her bags as they tumbled down the stairs and into a puddle.

She felt like her entire left arm was on fire and she could feel a cool liquid dripping down her hand that was no doubt blood. “ _H-Help_ …!” Perry choked out, her mouth feeling like it was full of soap as she realized everything that was happening.

Staggering to the railing she tried to keep herself upright but her knees were slowly giving out.

To her absolute horror Perry watched as the car drove haphazardly up to front of her building, the sound of screeching tires bursting through her ears. 

The tinted window rolled down, and before Perry could make out a face or even begin to comprehend what was going on another gun shot rang through out the streets.

This time all the feeling in her right leg gave out as she fell down the rest of the steps, hearing the gruesome sounds of her body breaking as she felt every cement step like a knife stab through her body.

She could feel herself screaming but she couldn’t hear anything, the sounds around her dissipated and it felt like she was under water. Perry could vaguely make out people rushing to her as the car screeched away.

Her last thought before the darkness took her was how beautiful the lightening looked streaking across the night sky.

How absolutely beautiful it was.


	11. I See Fire: Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's part II of the chapter I split in half! Hope you enjoy. I'm trying to get this story to 100 Kudos so anything helps if you want to share this with friends, on your tumblr etc, I wouldn't mind! I know this is shameless self promotion but really the people who read it are the ones who keep this fic alive xx
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of gun violence + assault

—

 

It took Kirsch twenty minutes to get to the crime scene, damn the New York traffic in the rain. It was an absolute shit show, every short cut they tried to take proved to be even more difficult than the last. Carmilla was extremely close to ripping the steering wheel of its hinges by the time they arrived.

As they finally pulled up to the scene, Carmilla noted the area had already been blocked off by caution tape and was surrounded by NYPD vehicles. Stepping out of the passenger side she snapped open her umbrella and hurried her way under the caution tape, the sight of Chief Belmonde barking orders and shouting at various people greeting her behind the yellow tape.

“Chief, we got here as soon as we could.” Belmonde turned and beckoned Carmilla to her, handing her a clipboard. “This is all the info we have, it’s not much. There were only a handful of witnesses but no one got a license plate number but they say it was a black SUV, newest model.”

Carmilla nodded as she handed the clipboard to Kirsch as he went to inquire a few other officers. “No one else was targeted so this was an intent to kill the victim herself.”

It was a dark feeling, almost like an intuition that Carmilla had. She should have seen this coming, and in a way she blames herself for not taking more precautions to make Perry safer. The guilt is heavy and it seeps into her before Belmonde snaps her fingers.

“I know she’s a friend of yours, and I’m sorry.” Carmilla tightens her lips in a firm line and nods, Belmonde speaking into her radio before addressing Carmilla once again. “If you know anything about this Karnstein, you better figure it out now. I’m putting Kirsch on the case.”

With that Belmonde brushed past her and started shouting orders again.

Carmilla looked to the place they had marked off where Perry’s body had been. It makes her feel like she’s going to vomit but she can’t tear her eyes away from the pool of blood and scattered grocery bags.

It’s this weird, suspended reality type of moment because Carmilla can _see_ Perry’s body lying in front of her, a pool of blood spreading under her red hair and a streak across her forehead. Her eyes are closed and her lips aren’t moving but the image is so vivid to Carmilla.

“Karnstein.” The sound of Danny’s voice makes Carmilla tear her eyes from the scene and focus on the tall girl. Danny sidles up next to her in her black trench and surveys the scene. “I got here as soon as I could, you got another envelope about an hour ago.”

Carmilla frowns as Danny hands her another black envelope with the same gold seal on it as before. She looks round to make sure no one is really paying attention as she breaks the seal and takes out another note, gold print on it as it reads:

_**“We told you to stay out of this. Lola Perry was only a warning. The next one won’t be.”** _

Feeling like she’s actually going to vomit this time Carmilla hands the letter to Danny. Clutching her stomach she bends over a little, Danny giving her a weird look before reading the letter with a sharp inhale. “Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“Carmilla! Danny!” They both snap their heads up as they see Kirsch walking towards them. “Get to the hospital, she’s in critical condition and going into surgery.”

Tucking the envelope into her jacket pocket she nods and motions to Danny, as Kirsch tosses her his keys, calling to them, “I’ll be there when I can.”

The two climb into the NYPD car as Carmilla practically takes out a stop sign speeding away. She flicks on the blinking lights and sirens as cars move out of the way for them and in that moment she’s never been more thankful to have the perks of an NYPD vehicle.

 

—

 

LaFontaine and Betty arrive twenty minutes after Perry gets wheeled into her hospital room. The two were running down the hall when they spotted her, strapped to a hospital bed, her red hair askew and blood everywhere.

All LaF can do is stare. Their eyes have trouble blinking and their body can’t move and it hurts to swallow. Like really fucking hurts. They just stare straight ahead, keeping their eyes focused on Perry’s pale face.

They can feel Betty pulling them to the waiting area but they protest, trying to move away just wanting to stay watching Perry’s face.

Their knee starts to shake.

They feel their face contort in pain and they can’t handle it anymore.

They hear a sound and look up to see Danny and Carmilla practically throwing nurses and doctors aside in their efforts to sprint as fast as they can. LaF is too caught up in the image of Perry’s lifeless looking body they can’t comprehend what Carmilla or Danny are saying as they try to relay the crime scene and Carmilla is waving a black envelope around in her hand.

None of it makes sense and LaF blocks them out, turning back to stare through the glass window at their wife being prepped for surgery. It’s then that Danny and Carmilla realize LaFontaine didn’t hear a word of what they were saying, instead they both turn their heads to where LaF is looking.

Carmilla’s breath feels short, and not from sprinting the entirety of the hospital hallways, but from the woman laying in front of her.

It’s completely, utterly ridiculous. She’s stood toe-to-toe with serial killers, stared down the most intimidating CEOs, and has endured a stab wound to her thigh without so much as wincing. Yet here she is completely toppled by a small red head lying in a bed in a stark white hospital gown.

In reality, it shouldn’t shock her so much. This was all bound to happen and she sees this all the time. But it's personal now and now that the worst has happened she can’t seem to comprehend much.

LaF can hear Carmilla and Danny start to talk about witnesses and the car that Perry was shot from and LaF tries hard to block them out. They know it was Vordenberg.

It’s hard not to make it more than it is. There’s a paranoia deep inside them that says Perry getting hit isn’t random at all, that it isn’t just Vordenberg being a crazy bastard, but they stamp down the feeling down hard. If it’s true, if their worst fears are actually coming true, than this is far from over and the implications are staggering.

Past the initial shock and despair all they can feel is pain and the desperate need for revenge. A thousand scenarios flit through their brain - most of them involving a excruciatingly slow death to Vordenberg but all that would have to wait. For now.

Here they are, looking at the broken body of their wife, the woman who just a two months ago had kicked them out of their apartment and asked for separation. Every fight, screaming match and night spent on the couch coming back to them. None of that mattered now. LaF would rather fight with Perry for the rest of their life than lose her.

Tears sting at the back of their eyes as they pray to whatever God out there that they don’t lose Perry. They hadn’t even figured anything out and LaF would not be able to live with themselves if they lost Perry.

If Perry were awake right now she’d probably have something wise and comforting to say and she’d remind LaF that everything was going to work out just fine and through all LaF’s cynicism and natural distrust in this world, Perry would make them believe.

But Perry’s not awake. She’s pale and unmoving and LaF feels the urge to kill something, to make something bleed just to even the score. It’s a scary, overpowering feeling and LaF has to sit down again. Walking over to the nearby row of seats their body sags into a chair.

Carmilla and Danny watch as the doctors start to wheel Perry’s bed out of the room and down the hall to the surgical center, LaF jolts up immediately and tries to follow the bed, watching the extremely slow rise and fall of Perry’s chest.

“Sorry, no one beyond this point besides doctors and nurses.” A nurse looks apologetically at LaF as they disappear with Perry behind the double doors, LaF left standing to stare dead ahead at their wife being rolled away.

A warm hand is on their shoulder and they know it’s Carmilla without even having to look.

It gets to the point where they can’t stand it anymore and they just needs to leave. They need to be as far away as possible because they’re angry and pissed and scared and about two seconds from a complete breakdown. They need to get away despite wanting to do nothing but run down the hall and be with Perry every step of the way. 

Their friends are all standing there and they stop to stare at them. Carmilla knows that LaF needs air, but Danny is trying to gather information and it’s not the time to do that. They hear a noise before Laura almost collides into a vending machine on her way down the hall.

She comes to a stop, panting and looking around with wide eyes at the solemn group before her before she instinctively goes to Carmilla’s side.

“I-I got here…as soon…as I could…”

“She just went into surgery babe. Why don’t we go get coffee…? LaF?”

Carmilla looks at her friend hopefully but all LaF can concentrate on is the way Carmilla’s hand wraps around Laura’s waste and holds her protectively against her body.

That’s what LaF wants to do right now but with Perry. But they fucking can’t because their wife was shot two times and LaF wasn’t there to protect her.

It’s a dark, terrible moment but LaF hates the sight of Laura so close to Carmilla, hates the calm that’s starting to be restored in Carmilla’s face and the love she has for Laura. They hate it because their friends fucking have a happy life, they have years and years of happiness and LaFontaine feels like it’s so unfair.

They turn to leave before they say something terrible, ignoring Carmilla’s coffee question altogether.

Carmilla’s voice calls after her. “Where are you going?”

“Taking a walk,” They bite out, turning slightly.

“LaF,” Carmilla starts but LaF needs to find an exit.

So they put up a hand to stop their best friend. “No, Carmilla. I really am just going to take a walk. I could use the air.” It’s half-truth half-lie but LaF needs this and Carmilla can see that.

It works. “Okay.”

“Could you come get me if anything happens?”

Laura responds affirmatively but LaF can’t look at her, can’t look at the way she’s clinging to Carmilla’s middle. They have each other. It should warm LaF’s heart but instead it disgusts them because they could have had that, but God hated LaFontaine and they were paying for it.

 

—

 

_ LaFontaine walked down the stark white hospital, a hot cup of coffee in their hand as they watched Perry shouting and berating a few nurses outside of Carmilla’s room.  _

_They spotted Laura sitting alone on a row of empty chairs, looking down at her hands. She was visibly shaking and it resonated with LaF. A few hours ago they weren’t sure whether Carmilla was alive or dead. LaF couldn’t even imagine what Laura was feeling._

_LaF took a seat next to Laura and looked over at her. "Are you okay?"_

_"I'm okay.” Laura said but her voice betrayed her feelings. Carmilla was fine. Her brain understood that. But hearing her girlfriend had gotten shot, literally with a bullet and gun, shook something inside her and she still hadn't recovered. Her heart was still pounding and she couldn't get her damn hands to stop shaking._

_Perry and Laura had always been closer than LaF and Laura ever had been even though she did consider them one of her very good friends. LaF and Laura had had their differences over time, nothing like Carmilla and Perry, but Laura always tended to take Perry’s side in a fight between the two._

_There was just something more that LaF and Carmilla connected on that sometimes Laura didn’t get._

_But in these moments Laura couldn’t imagine life without LaFontaine or Perry._

_LaF just sat there for a minute until they put their hand on Laura’s thigh in silence._

_She felt a calmness creep into her joints that wasn't there before, starting at the warmth on her thigh under LaF’s palm._

_“I can’t even…imagine what you’re feeling.” The words were spoken softly and with emotion from LaF as they bit their lip. All Laura could do was swallow and inhale slowly._

_“I hope you never have to feel this way.” Laura whispered it with the most genuine and sincere meaning._

_They sat there while Perry interrogated Carmilla’s doctor and didn't say another word._

 

—

 

They make it out the back of the hospital near the emergency room doors and veer left, passing the psych ward door before collapsing around the corner, sheltered in the small alleyway between the hospital and the children’s hospital.

Their head pounds, overwhelmed with thoughts and pain and memories and LaFontaine has a hard time seeing straight. To the right, just past the end of the alley, they can make out the small playground that sits outside the children’s ward.

There are a few kids out there today, taking advantage of the small reprieve from the rain. LaF looks up and observes the sky. They don’t have much longer until it starts pouring again.

They look at the kids again and they can’t help it. Thoughts about what could have been rush into their brain. Of what it will look like, how it will act, all the things they want to teach it.

The idea of having a baby, of being responsible for something, of bringing a person into this terrible world they all live in had been terrifying. But now standing here and watching the laughter and shouts that come from the children all they can think about is Perry holding a child. _Their_ child.

This is what Perry’s always wanted. This is the very thing that tore apart their relationship. It comes crashing down in waves onto LaF and suddenly they can’t imagine a world without Perry and them together.

They’re standing between two paths. If Perry lived through this LaF would say yes. Yes to everything. To a child. To anything. They couldn’t fathom letting their wife live on this earth without knowing how much LaF wanted to give them.

It was a fucked up thing, that standing here under the awning watching these children play that LaFontaine had to realize what meant more to them in life than their convictions.

Life is so fragile and they feel it breaking like a crack in their chest.

“I might deserve this,” LaF seethes, talking to no one. “I might deserve this but she doesn’t. She doesn’t deserve any of this.”

The clouds are silent as they look upward and feels contempt for a God they’ve believed in nearly all their life.

“She doesn’t deserve this, you bastard. What the hell did she do to you, huh? Fucking nothing.”

With a low breath they look down again, twirling until she’s facing the brick wall. They’d give anything to be the one in the hospital bed right now, they’d give anything.

“It’s me right?” LaF asks, chuckling darkly as their fists clench and their foot kicks out against brick. They push closer and presses their forehead against the wall, the brick cutting into their forehead. The pain feels good and LaF presses harder, unable to stop hot tears from dropping down their cheeks.

“This is punishment for being happy isn’t it? For one fucking second of happiness. One thing.”

A choked sob escapes as they drops to their knees.

 

—

 

“There’s no telling when she’ll wake up. I need to get back to the office soon though.” Danny sighs into her cup, holding up the black envelope as Carmilla nods. Laura’s eyes get bigger as she turns to Carmilla. 

“You didn’t tell me you got another envelope??”

Carmilla blinks out of her thoughts before she looks to her wife then to the envelope in Danny’s hand. “Danny says it arrived to her office after we got word of Perry.”

Laura swallows as Danny nods, placing it between them so Laura can read the note inside. “Impeccable timing, but that’s what they were going for I suppose.”

“You can’t run this under a finger print scanner or something? There’s nothing you can find on here?” Carmilla shook her head as Laura looked at the letter incredulously, feeling nervous for her wife as she grabbed onto Carmilla’s hand.

“We tried, they used gloves or some untraceable way of sending this. We’re just entering it into evidence but now with this we have to be extra cautious.”

Carmilla swallowed around a large gulp, her coffee now cold. She was feeling so many emotions at this point but most of all it was guilt. If she hadn’t followed the Dylan Phillips lead then maybe Vordenberg wouldn’t have caught onto her scent. 

It’s her fault Perry is laid up in that hospital bed fighting for her life. It’s all Carmilla’s fault and all she can do is sit there and stew in it.

“Carm?” Like Laura’s an expert in all things Carmilla she knows the girl is struggling with something and she knows it has to do with the case.

“I…I followed a fucking dumb lead and…and it’s my fault Perry’s here.” Carmilla shoved away from the table, unable to accept Laura’s comfort now because she didn’t deserve it. She deserved to be in that bed instead of Perry.

“Carm, wait!” Laura gave Danny an apologetic look before she stood and followed after her wife quickly. “You had no idea…you’re not to blame for this at all.”

Carmilla shook her head, unable to accept anything less than it being her damn fault. “I knew Perry was a target with the first photo. I was so fucking stupid…” Pushing her face into her hands she groaned, Laura instantly wrapping her arms around her middle.

“You are not at all. Hey…you did what you had to do and you might have figured something out. Perry didn’t deserve this at all but you don’t either. You’re going to figure this out and get justice for her.”

Carmilla sagged into her wife, reveling in the soft scent of her hair and the way her smaller body hugged Carmilla’s ever so perfectly.

“Are you the friends of Miss Lola Perry?” Before Carmilla had time to respond the two broke apart slightly and nodded to the doctor standing in front of them. Danny sidled up beside Carmilla and waited for the verdict.

“The surgery was successful, we were able to remove all the bullets even though they were very deeply lodged. She is in recovery now, we’re hoping she wakes up soon. Where is her spouse?”

Carmilla looked around, now remembering that LaF had gone for a walk. “I’ll go get them now. Thank you doctor.” The doctor nodded and walked away, Carmilla untangling herself reluctantly from Laura as she dropped a kiss to her head. “I’ll go get them.”

 

—

 

Carmilla is coming down the hallway looking for them when LaFontaine steps around the corner. They beeline for her without hesitation and grab her arm, pulling them both towards the nearest door and out into an empty stairwell.

“What the hell, LaF? Perry’s out of surgery, we’re waiting to see if she’ll wake up soon.”

They look out the window to make sure no one followed them because they need to get through to LaF and they need it to stay here, stay secret.

Turning around to face their friend, LaF grabs their friend and pushes her into the wall and sweeps a small punch into the side of her face. Carmilla doesn't even flinch. They’re even now. It isn't out of violence or wanting to actually hurt their friend, but the emotions are too much and Carmilla if anyone will understand why they needed to do that. That's why she says nothing and doesn't react. 

It's a weird, almost fucked up part of their relationship, but it's their relationship. 

Pressing close and staring unblinking into Carmilla’s eyes. They pump as much seriousness into their gaze as they can and plead with Carmilla silently to understand.

“You find this guy,” they command in a low voice. “You find him and you kill him. Slowly and with a great deal of pain. I don’t care how, just do it. Promise me he’ll feel it, promise me you’ll end it.”

They need Carmilla to understand. Needs her to understand exactly what they’re saying. It’s not about justice anymore it’s about revenge and they need Carmilla to do what LaF can’t - as much as it’s killing them.

They see it register on Carmilla’s face, sees the way their friend breathes in and nods a little before bringing her hands up to LaF’s cheeks.

“I promise,” Carmilla says, her voice calm and steady. “I promise.”

LaF exhales in relief and in the empty silence of the stairwell, with their best friend holding on to them and their wife across the hall in a bed, LaF breaks completely.

 

—

 

Hospitals chairs aren’t the most comfy thing LaF has ever experienced but they barely notice the pains and aches in their body at this point. Their head is propped up on their fist, an elbow on the chair arm as they stare at Perry’s unmoving pale face. Her red hair is splayed across the white pillows, reminding LaF of two days ago when they had woken up beside her. 

The fingers of their left hand twirl their wedding ring around on their finger. Pain shoots through their bruised knuckles but they ignore it.

Carmilla and Laura are parked outside in the hallway - despite it being way past visitor hours - Carmilla had pulled one of her NYPD bullshit excuses.

The rain beats heavily against the window on the side of the room and they try to let its rhythm lull them to sleep. But they’ve always been terrible at sleeping anywhere but in their bed, next to their wife.

“Please wake up,” they whisper into the blankets. “Please wake up. You have to wake up, Per. I can’t do this without you, please just wake up and be fine. Please, please.”

They press their forehead further into the bed and squeeze their eyes shut tight. “I swear I’ll do anything, just please wake up. I need you to be okay. I need you to be okay.”

It’s fervent, mindless rambling and LaF is only half aware of what they’re saying. They’re lost in paranoia and fear and all the other emotions left in them now that the anger and the thirst for revenge have left.

“You can’t take her. You can’t take her from me. Please don’t, please make her wake up. You can have anything, just not her.”

They’re so caught up in their pleading that they nearly jump right out of their chair when a hand touches their hair and a soft, scratchy voice whispers their name.

Their eyes snap open and Carmilla and Laura take that moment to come into the room. Their head whips up and their chest tightens when they see wide, gorgeous blue eyes staring right back at them.

“Perry,” they breathe.

Perry’s brow furrows and she winces before she’s looking around the familiar faces surrounding her.


	12. Nude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have probably noticed by now but most of the chapter names in this fic are song lyrics or titles! I always put them in the name of the chapter where I think it best describes the situations or mood of that part. I was thinking I'll start putting the song and artist in the beginning notes from now on. Think of it as kind of like a fanmix for this fic xx 
> 
> Nude - Radiohead

—

 

The moment Perry registers everything in the room her face seizes up in pain and the sight makes LaFontaine want to die. Laura hurries out of the room to find a nurse while Carmilla goes on a quest to find “ice chips”, leaving LaF and Perry alone.

"Per," LaF says, sliding off their seat, standing up, and leaning over their wife. They stroke the hair off of Perry’s face and keep their hands on warm _breathing_ cheeks as Perry tries to breathe through pain wracking her body.

“Laura’s gone to find a nurse—“

"No," Perry exclaims, grabbing LaF’s hands and pulling them away from her face. "I'm okay."

"Perry, they can give you something for the pain."

Relaxing her face and arching an eyebrow, Perry stares at LaF skeptically. “I'm okay— ” she gets halfway though the word before her face scrunches up in pain again - this time more violently than before and it makes LaF’s heart break all over.

"Per," they whisper, leaning close and putting a hand back on her wife's cheek to calm her back down. "Let Laura get the doctor, okay?"

Perry doesn't say anything and LaF is really starting to hate silence, especially Perry’s silence, but their wife nods and manages a soft smile. “Okay.”

LaF nods, their lips pressing against Perry’s forehead in a long kiss. Neither of them register that this should be weird for them, it doesn't register the emotional suffering they've both been going through in the past month. All of that seems to dissipate for a moment. All LaF can concentrate on is the way their wife's face is pale as a ghost and the beating of her heart monitor. 

It's a strong slap in the face from reality and it really fucking stings.

LaF’s presence is the one thing Perry needs right now.

 —

 

Carmilla and Laura are sitting on the chairs outside of Perry’s room as they listen to the soft voices of LaF talking to Perry’s doctor. Carmilla concentrates on the sound of Perry’s heart monitor as it keeps a steady beat. 

Danny and Kirsch are standing at a vending machine down the hall, muttering quietly to each other. Betty comes down the hall and Kirsch immediately perks up as she smiles and slips her hand into his. 

It’s a small gesture, and no one really had time to notice the two had made up, but it was a comforting image to see. Kirsch lit up whenever Betty was around, he was so blatantly obvious it was sometimes endearing. Although no one could explain what Betty saw in Kirsch the two fit together well.

Carmilla knew they weren’t debating which snack was better, she knew they were talking about the case and LaF still didn’t know about the photos. If they found out Carmilla would be dead, she had to tell them herself but she just couldn't figure out when. Now was not the time considering Perry's state but when would be the right moment?

The time on the clock near the front desk reads 5:45 am, yet exhaustion hasn’t caught up to Carmilla’s body. She’s still buzzing with adrenaline and shock which she doesn’t see it wearing off anytime soon.

Laura leans against Carmilla’s arm heavily, half asleep and half alert as she clings to her jacket, her face buried against Carmilla’s shoulder. LaF finishes talking to the doctor as they follow a nurse back into Perry’s room.

She absently runs her hand through Laura’s hair before the girl mumbles sleepily, “When Perry gets discharged she should come back to our place. I don’t want her going back to her apartment.”

Carmilla agrees automatically ignoring the fact that Perry and LaF are still separated. It hadn’t even occurred to her in the last 24 hours the situation LaF and Perry were in. “Belmonde’s putting a guard outside of our place just incase too.”

Laura hummed affirmatively before untangling herself from Carmilla, sitting up as she stretched and yawned. “Good…this whole thing is making me so paranoid.” Carmilla shifted and pulled Laura closer, sighing into her hair.

“I know, and I’m sorry I put you in so much danger…” Swallowing she looked down at her hands. Laura shook her head and nuzzled her cheek. “Don’t be sorry. I know you can’t help it, I just hope you’re being safe with yourself.”

Laura’s worry for her sends a shot of warmth through her cold veins, just knowing her wife cares settles in Carmilla’s chest and makes her feel a little calmer. She feels like whisking the two away to a deserted island where no one can reach them.

The looming threat of Baron Vordenberg has not only taken hold of those closest around her but most importantly it poses a threat to Laura and that’s the one thing Carmilla cannot deal with.

“I’m going to get us some food, any preferences?” Carmilla feigned indifference to the snack options as Laura untangled herself, pressing a kiss to her forehead before sauntering away to join Danny at the machine. 

Carmilla stood and walked over to the window that looked into Perry’s room. She watched LaF, sitting on the end of the bed, talking with Perry. There weren’t any faces of distress and the two seemed calmer with one another.

Maybe there was hope for them yet.

—

 

“Do you need anything? More ice chips or pain meds?” LaFontaine stood by Perry’s bed, shifting back and forth on their legs nervously. Their anxiety was consuming and they had been standing for probably six hours straight but the ache in their legs was non-existent. 

All that mattered right now was making sure Perry had what she needed. 

Blinking her heavy eyelids Perry swallowed as she lifted a hand to her head. She was dealing with a pain medication induced headache and trying absorbing the anxiety that LaF was exerting was proving to be exhausting.

“No, but thank you for the 100th time.” She tried to smile kindly but she just wanted to sleep. Since the surgery nurses were coming in every hour to check on her and sleep had been practically impossible.

“I’d just like to sleep. You don’t have to be here anymore…” Perry lolled her head to the side as she tried to fix her semi-blurry gaze on LaF.

“That’s nonsense, why wouldn’t I be here?”

Perry took a sharp inhale not from physical pain but for an entirely different reason. She looked at LaF, not really knowing what to say as her eyes tried to say it for her. LaF didn’t have to ask before they made a face of realization.

Looking to the door they made sure no one was coming in before taking a seat.

“Per…I don’t want to leave your side, right now or ever again.”

LaF watched their wife’s face hopefully, reaching out to hold her hand but felt a drop in their stomach when Perry moved it.

“LaFontaine, I can’t do this right now…”

“Perry, I almost lost you and I’m never going to let that happen again.”

Shaking her head Perry tried to manage her headache, biting back all the things she wanted to say to LaF. All the things she wanted to tell them and let them know how this wasn’t going to fix everything.

"I don't want these bullets be the thing that brings us back together."

There were things that they still needed to go over together, Perry wasn’t even sure if anything was going to work out. She had convinced herself so thoroughly that this separation was eventually going to lead to a divorce.

She had already spent a few waking months without LaF in her life and it scared her to think she was getting used to that, but did she have to?

“I can’t do this right now—but I promise we’ll talk once I’m out of here, okay? Everything is a mess right now and I just want to concentrate on getting better.”

Sensing it was better than nothing Laf conceded with a sigh as they stood. They understood of course, it wasn’t the best time but they needed to tell Perry so many things.

“Okay. We’ll talk when we’re out of here.”

—

 

It takes two more days until the doctor says Perry can be discharged. In those two days everyone practically starts to live at the hospital. 

Carmilla goes home occasionally to walk and feed Rex but otherwise she sticks around because her paranoia isn’t going to get the better of her.

Even though Danny’s work schedule is immensely demanding she’s figured out a way to field all of her calls from the hospital. Kirsch is in and out going to and from the station but Laura is oddly not busy. Instead she started to busy herself with taking care of Perry’s needs.

In another time Carmilla probably would’ve questioned her about it but now wasn’t the time, but it was still weird. Carmilla assumed that Laura’s boss would have her head on the chopping block for missing so many days of work already.

It’s not hard to get Perry discharged after the two days and after Carmilla signs all the important papers and rounds up some scrubs for Perry to wear home, they make their way out of the hospital with a bag full of medication and gauze in Laura’s hands.

“How you feeling?” LaFontaine asks for the umpteenth time as they walk towards the police vehicle Kirsch has brought around.

“I’m fine,” Perry grates out, pain evident in her clenched jaw and the way she leans heavily into LaF’s side.

LaF sighs with worry. “We’ll get you in bed as soon as we get to Carmilla’s.”

They don’t speak after Laura helps Perry into the car and for the rest of the car ride. No one speaks, it doesn’t feel right.

When the arrive at Laura and Carmilla’s building Kirsch and her do a quick sweep of the street to make sure nothing suspicious is up. After they give the all clear Laura started on getting Perry up the steps, watching for her leg as LaF grabbed her things from the car.

Carmilla gives a gruff nod to the two guards in front of their front door, silently thanking Belmonde for sending them over. They’re nothing special just regular retired officers that serve as guards for campuses and buildings, but they give Carmilla a sense of safety for the first time in a long time.

After they’re all inside and the door is closed and locked everyone does a collective exhale. LaF and Laura go about getting the guest bedroom ready for Perry and Danny goes to pick through their trove of take out menus.

“I’m headed back to the station to finish some reports and talk to Belmonde. I’ll be back here later tonight with Betty, okay?” Carmilla nods as she stands in the doorway talking to Kirsch before she sees her friend down the hall.

Turning back after shutting the door she looks at Perry sitting silently in their living room. Dressed in a pair of bright green scrubs Carmilla watches as she fiddles with the draw string to her pants. She looks smaller than usual, weaker, and pained.

The sight alone allows Carmilla’s guilt to run into overdrive all over again.

“Do you want to get into something other than hospital scrubs?” She tries to smile as she comes to help Perry off the couch as the girl quietly nods her head in response. 

Laura and LaF flit around the apartment trying to arrange things, thus leaving Carmilla to deal with Perry alone. Inhaling sharply Carmilla walks slowly to her and Laura’s small walk in closet, letting Perry hold onto her arm the entire time. Every pained breath that Perry takes Carmilla feels like a knife through her chest.

They make it to their closet though it feels like an eternity. She lets go of her Perry and gingerly helps her sit on the bench in the middle of the closet.

“What do you want?” Carmilla gestures to Laura’s side of the closet.

Perry just shrugs and fiddles with the hem of the scrub top. Usually Perry’s indecisiveness would make Carmilla roll her eyes and snap but instead she just nodded understandingly, her eyes showing nothing but empathy.

Sighing, Carmilla grabs for the first pair of sweatpants on Laura’s shelf, noticing absently that they’re actually Carmilla’s sweatpants, and then for a t-shirt two shelves over. She sets them down next to Perry and then motions for the girl to stand.

It takes some slow and careful maneuvering but they manage to get Perry’s shirt off of her and Carmilla’s left staring at the stark white bandage wrapped around Perry’s ribs and arm, and the bruising trailing down her side. 

Without thinking she keeps staring at the bruises trailing down Perry’s sides and to her legs, struggling to keep a lock on all her emotions, but they beat against the walls of her chest insistently and she has to clench her jaw to stop the tears she knows are right there.

Perry must sense Carmilla’s sudden change of emotion as she stares at the girl in front of her.

She must also sense her guilt because she reaches out and takes Carmilla’s hand tightly in hers. The gesture is so foreign to both of them but in this moment it has never felt more welcoming.

“I’m okay,” Perry whispers like Carmilla can’t figure that out for herself.

“I know,” Carmilla chokes out, trying to pull her hand away and swallow the pain down.

“No you don’t,” her friend argues, keeping their hands clasped together firmly. “You’re either ogling my chest, which is highly inappropriate in this situation especially since you’re married to my best friend, or you’re feeling guilt over this. I’m _okay,_ Carmilla.”

She nods and bends over to grab the shirt she laid aside, trying her best to push aside the swirl of emotion fuzzing up her brain. Maybe she couldn’t have stopped the bullets that hit Perry, or a million other things that threaten to destroy her life, but she can do this right here and now.

Getting the shirt on is a little easier than it was getting off, but Carmilla still feels every pained breath Perry takes slash across her like a lash. After the shirt Carmilla helps Perry maneuver into the pair of sweatpants.

Standing Carmilla smiles slightly the job done as Perry looks a lot more comfortable in her new clothes.

“Does Thai sound good with everyone?” Danny calls to the rest of the apartment as Carmilla’s stomach growls. Her and Laura hadn’t really been eating at the hospital, the food was no good and they had just been so distracted.

Food sounds like it might be what everyone needs right now, especially from the Thai place they go to.

“Let’s get some food.” Holding onto her arm for balance Perry walks back into the living room with Carmilla, leaning on the taller woman for support.

“Thank you.” Perry whispers to her, biting her lip as Carmilla helps her back down on the couch.

Without saying anything Carmilla reaches out and squeezes her hand in return that being all they needed.


	13. Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The action is picking back up again I promise more exciting things are to come xx
> 
> Burn - Ellie Goulding 
> 
> Trigger Warning: Depictions of gun violence + mentions of assault

—

 

Carmilla realized when they settled into the apartment that it was pretty substantial especially for a downtown Manhattan location which nowadays cost an arm and a leg. Her and Laura had definitely gotten lucky.

When they had first moved in Carmilla couldn’t believe the size of it: three bedrooms, an office, a kitchen and a living space. It was an incredible find and it gave Carmilla the best place to come home to after a long day.

That was until all of her friends decided to set up shop there. First it had only been LaFontaine after the breakup, but now it was Perry, occasionally Kirsch, LaF, and for some odd reason Danny.

“Don’t you have an incredibly unnecessary upscale luxury penthouse you own, Xena?” Carmilla stepped into the kitchen, yawning as she started the coffee maker. Danny sat at the island in the middle, sipping a glass of orange juice while reading the paper.

It was also _Carmilla’s_ orange juice and _Carmilla’s_ paper but apparently none of that mattered because her and Laura were now running a bed and freakin’ breakfast.

“I do but I like crowding your place much more. The angry eyes you get when someone moves your things around is…how do I put this? Priceless.” Danny smirked over her glass as Carmilla flipped her the finger.

“I’ll be out of your hair, I’ve just been sticking around to see if anything develops or if Perry remembers any information.” Camilla sighed, leaning against the counter as she looked at Danny.

“I have no idea what we’re going to do about these envelopes and we have to tell LaF sometime.”

“Tell me what?”

Almost dropping her mug in surprise Carmilla yelped a bit as LaF rounded the corner, holding a tray of Perry’s dishes as they set them down on the counter. Carmilla’s eyes instantly flicked to Danny’s in a panic before the other girl waved her hand.

“Nothing, we’re just wondering when you’re going to be heading back to the office? Betty’s been there all alone.”

LaF bit their lip guiltily as Carmilla took the tray and started to wash the dirty dishes, trying to busy herself. If LaF made eye contact with her Carmilla wouldn’t be able to lie about the photos anymore.

“I’m going to head there today, I need to get back to work I know.” Danny nodded satisfied as she stood, brushing herself off as she grabbed her briefcase. “I’ll call if anything develops.” Giving her a curt nod Carmilla followed Danny to the front hall.

“Really Karnstein, we’re in the middle of a war right now, don't go and create a rift between you and LaF, we need you both.”

Letting her words sink in, Carmilla would hate to admit Danny Lawrence of all people were right, but she was. If Carmilla didn’t do something quick and tell LaF she was afraid to find out what the consequences would be.

Clenching her fists she inhaled sharply and puffed her chest out dramatically, trying to psych herself up to go and talk to them but as she rounded the corner into the kitchen the sight of Laura greeted her and all she could think about was how beautiful her wife looked fresh out of the shower still in her sleep shorts and a tee.

“Hey you! I heard you and Danny in the front hall, did she leave?” Carmilla smiled before dropping a kiss on top of Laura’s head as she nodded. She noticed the absence of LaF as she wrapped her arms around her wife’s small waist.

“You smell good,” she whispered into Laura’s shoulder.

Laura laughed, settling her hands over Carmilla’s on her hips. “Well I did just take a shower.”

“Nah you just smell good naturally,” Carmilla denies, pressing kisses up Laura’s neck and letting her fingers trace the waistband of Laura’s sleep shorts.

“Carmilla,” Laura warns. “Don’t you need to get going soon?”

“I am right where I need to be,” Carmilla states, scraping her teeth on the underside of Laura’s ear.

Laura spins in her arms and grips the front of her jacket, starting in on the zipper as she tugs it down.

Carmilla grips Laura’s hips and pushes her up against the counter, her shirt completely unbuttoned and hanging open as she presses into her.

A gasp beats out of Laura’s mouth as Carmilla rocks between her thighs and presses their lips together.

Laura’s hands slide between them as Carmilla lifts up and takes purchase on the waistband of Carmilla’s slacks before the taller woman bats them away and moves down.

“Carmilla, what are you-,”

Carmilla cuts her off with a hand over her mouth and laughs at the narrowed eyes she gets in return. Laura hated being cut off.

“Can you be quiet for two minutes?” Carmilla jokes and Laura’s eyes went wide as Carmilla removed her hand.

“That’s rude,” Laura huffed, but lifted her hips so Carmilla could slide her shorts off, underwear and all and throws them somewhere by Rex’s bed.

Carmilla runs her lips up Laura’s leg, pecking soft kisses up smooth skin and Laura’s breath hitches attractively the higher she gets.

“Take your pants off,” Laura orders, running her hands through dark raven hair.

“No,” Carmilla disobeys.

It’s hot; this power struggle between them, and Carmilla won’t deny that she totally gets off on it. On the flush that covers Laura’s body at the hint of a challenge and that glare Laura wears the entire time.

Laura squirms and Carmilla smiles, arousal curling in her stomach and pooling between her thighs. Carmilla raising her eyebrow as Laura concedes.

She can see the warning flash in her wife’s eyes, the warning that says Carmilla’s in for it good when she gains the upper hand again.

Carmilla ignores the look and kisses her wife, enjoying the way Laura’s lips taste and the feel of her tongue curling erotically in her mouth.

She could probably keep kissing Laura forever and just forget the rest of the world, but her wife squirms again, pressing her hips upward against Carmilla’s stomach and she breaks off from their kiss.

Trailing her lips down a long, slender neck, Carmilla lets her hands trace down Laura’s sides before sliding under smooth thighs and lifting up.

She runs her tongue down Laura’s collarbone and down her chest, swirling around a pert nipple before biting down softly and smiling as Laura arches off the side of the counter sharply.

Carmilla chuckles and Laura practically growls at her. “Carm,” her wife warns.

Her mouth slides over and down, teeth scraping over Laura’s flat abs and traveling further down, pausing for a long, tender moment at her lower stomach.

Carmilla’s eyes slide closed for a second and she breathes in, distracted for a second by the calming sensation she gets from the gesture, before Laura cants her hips upward in a silent command to move.

Carmilla obeys and slides even further, letting her hands hook under Laura’s knees and pull one over her shoulder before dragging her tongue through wet folds, torturously slow.

It pulls a low groan out of Laura and Carmilla sees her head push back and cant her hips against Carmilla, begging for more. Carmilla tsks her teasingly, knowing that pissed Laura off.

Laura kicks her heel into Carmilla’s back at that and picks her head up to glare at her. The look shoots straight to Carmilla’s groin and makes her head swirl.

All of a sudden, the need to drag it out evaporates and all Carmilla wants to do is rip a quick, searing orgasm out of her wife, to make her scream out and to put memories in Laura’s brain that will linger all day long.

She ducks back down and drags her tongue up again, stopping at the top to wrap her lips around Laura’s clit and suck hard.

It gets the desired result as Laura’s thighs tighten around her head and her back arches up, pushing her hips towards Carmilla’s mouth.

Her fingers dance down Laura’s thigh until they’re joining her tongue, two of them pushing into heated flesh before pulling back out and thrusting in again.

Laura thrashes and Carmilla sucks harder, pushes in deeper and hums into her wife’s clit, enjoying the deep moan it produces.

Their rhythm is hot and frenzied and it doesn’t take long before she can feel Laura’s thighs start to shake. She moves her free hand to splay across Laura’s abs, holding her down. The skin under her palm is tight and coiled and Carmilla thrusts in hard at the feeling, lets her tongue flick back and forth against sensitive flesh.

Laura’s whole body tenses but it’s not enough for Carmilla so she bites down softly and curls her fingers, twisting and thrusting until Laura lets out a scream, Carmilla’s name on the tail end of it, as her orgasm rushes through her and she tightens around Carmilla’s fingers.

 

—

 

After Laura returned the favor she ran off to take a second shower and to check on Perry, LaF taking that moment to reenter the kitchen. They took in Laura’s discarded shorts and panties, Carmilla innocently sipping from her mug as she leaned against the counter once more.

Carmilla looked up as she caught the tail end of a disgusted look on LaF’s face.

“Got a problem?”

Her voice sounded a little more harsh than she had wanted, but her patience with LaF’s attitude was beginning to thin on her. Of course she noticed the eye rolls, the sneers, and the scoffing whenever her and Laura shared a moment in front of LaF.

But what was she supposed to do? Completely ignore her marriage because her friend’s had fallen apart? Absolutely not. She owed LaFontaine so much, but to sacrifice her own happiness was something that Carmilla knew LaF would never ask of her but their behavior was asking otherwise.

“I just—what’s so great about marriage anyways?” Carmilla rolled her eyes taking a long sip from her coffee as she tried to take reigns on her emotions. It was 9:30 in the morning, she wasn’t quite ready for a blow out fight right now.

“It’s all complete bullshit, one minute you’re happy then the next you’re sleeping on the damn couch. There’s always something that's a deal breaker, once you and Laura find out—“

Slamming her mug down hard enough to break it, Carmilla shot a glare at LaF, warning her friend to shut their mouth before things got worse.

Carmilla growls, the urge to get her point across to her friend thrumming through her. “Look, I know it’s hard—“

LaF cuts her off with a firm, “No,” as they pick up their messenger bag and jacket. “You don’t know,” they bite back. “You’ll never know. So just shut the fuck up about it, okay?”

“LaF,” she starts, stepping forward and feeling her annoyance mix with sympathy in a manner both confusing and unsettling.

“If Laura left? Tomorrow,” LaF steps in, straightening and looking at Carmilla with wide, blank eyes.

“If she walked out tomorrow and never came back. Would you be over it in two fucking months? What if she walked out on you and then got _shot_? You have _no_ idea the guilt and anger that consumes me every waking hour.”

Pain makes her chest squeeze at the thought and she can feel her face twisting to reflect the feeling. Then again, she thinks, if Laura walked out Carmilla would run after her.

She would run across the country if that’s what it took to get her back. She swears to herself never to make the same mistakes LaF has.

Still, just the thought that Laura would leave, that she would want to, makes Carmilla’s knees feel weak, like they’re incapable of holding up the rest of her body. For a brief second she realizes that maybe the reason that LaF didn’t run after Perry wasn’t because they didn’t want to,

but because their legs were too weak to work.

Carmilla looks at her friend, not sure how to respond before her phone buzzes, reaching for it on the counter she slides to answer as Kirsch’s name flashes on the screen.

“Karnstein, I’m going to get you now. We have a lead on a high profile criminal that’s linked to Vordenberg, Belmonde says this an immediate arrest. I’ll be outside of your place in three minutes.”

“Okay I’ll be right here.”

Still thinking about Laura, marriage and LaF, Carmilla quickly grabs her things and swallows, looking at her friend. Her expression reflects the fear and adrenaline now rushing through her body and all LaF can say is,

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

—

 

“Here are the files, I didn’t have time to look at them after Belmonde gave the call for arrest.” Carmilla took the folder from Kirsch as he tried to control the wheel, the sirens of the NYPD car blaring as they mowed down the rainy streets, a few other NYPD officers following on their trail.

“Joe DeLucci…I think he’s been arrested a few times by our precinct for assault and robbery, although he's involved in drug rings.”

She glanced at the small photos from the file. Joseph was a very tall and muscular man, bald with a giant cross tattoo going straight up the back of his head. She remembered it when another detective had brought him into the station a couple of times.

He always somehow had an alibi and had gotten to walk free but he was always in the mix when something went wrong involving organized crime.

“We know this guy, Hudson brought him into the station a couple of times. The guy could kill me with one punch if he wanted to.”

Kirsch glanced at the file before he turned the car quickly into an abandoned lot in front of a large decaying warehouse. The wire fence had been long broken down and Carmilla wondered how a place like this hadn’t had a giant skyscraper built on top of it already.

Carmilla laughed, getting a weird look from Kirsch.

She gestures out the car window to explain herself. "I mean come on. Creepy abandoned warehouse? Talk about unoriginal and cliche." It gets Kirsch to laugh with her as they open the doors and step out into the rain.

At this point the entire area is surrounded by the NYPD as the special task force roll out and scope the area with their dogs.

Belmonde stands in front of her car, holding an umbrella as she yells orders.

“Karnstein, Kirsch, move in!” Pointing her hand to the entrance the two detectives nod, a couple officers trailing behind them for backup.   

Carmilla sticks her left hand in her jacket, gripping her gun tightly as she walks towards the building and keeps her eyes alert. She stretches out her arm as she holds her gun forward as the officers break down the front of the warehouse, preparing for something to jump out and attack.

The sound of her boots splashing in the puddles on the ground sounds deafening even over the pounding of the rain around them, and she has to wipe water out of her eyes with her right hand just to see clearly.

"Think it's just a fake address?" Kirsch asks as he comes up next to her, squinting up at the roof of the building. "I mean, what are the chances Vordenberg’s here or something?"

“He probably ins’t," Carmilla agrees. "But I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope he was."

Kirsch hums affirmatively and shrugs his jacket aside, letting his fingers rest on the grip of his gun. "Yeah, that'd be fucking fantastic. End this shit right here right now."

"For good," Carmilla adds, solemnly, as they duck into the warehouse, holding their guns out and turning at every chance as they observe the area, hunched over slightly.

Kirsch glances at her for a moment as if trying to read her tone before saying, "For good?"

"Yeah," Carmilla replies, distracted. She reaches up to signal with her hand for the officers to fan out and clear the area.

"Karnstein, tell me you're not after this guy to kill him or some fucked up shit like that," Kirsch says. “Belmonde will have your badge, you know it.”

She looks over at him as they glide inside the entrance. "Okay, I'm not," she says, her voice low.

Kirsch opens his mouth to argue but seems to finally realize walking into a dangerous situation having this conversation is not the smartest thing to do.

They walk in slowly, Kirsch scanning high and to his right and Carmilla looking low and to her left. From the looks of it there’s no sign of Vordenberg not there, not that she expected him to be. There's not a lot of hiding spots.

Carmilla sees a table in the corner with a few papers on it, nudging Kirsch’s side the two move over slowly.

When they get there Carmilla actually rolls her eyes at what they find because if a creepy abandoned warehouse is unoriginal than a creepy stalker shrine is definitely unoriginal.

The photos from the envelopes lay over the table, a few new ones scattered around.

"Wow," Kirsch comments, eyes roaming over the papers there. "When did our life become a cheesy procedural drama?"

"I know, right?" Carmilla says, looking to the nearest picture.

It's not the only picture of the two of them, most of the pictures in fact are just duplicates of ones she’s already seen.

And then it catches her eye a photo of all four of them, Carmilla, Laura, LaF, and Perry, together.  She can give an exact date of when the photo was taken. A few months ago, just before Perry’s and LaF’s problems. Carmilla eyes the collection trying to figure out the connection, the common thread, the theme but her brain can't seem to connect the dots. It's all too terrifying to think about right now. 

It's like Vordenberg is playing cat and mouse with her. He's baiting her. Trying to make her go crazy with paranoia and madness. And it's kind of working.

She settles for a low, "What the fuck?"

"Well this is clearly Vordenberg," Kirsch says, turning away from the table to look back out over the room.

Before he can say anything else the two hear gunshots as they turn and run back towards the opening, pointing their guns out as a man in black runs towards them. Thinking quickly Kirsch shoots his arm out and punches the man before he can get any further.

Putting his foot on the man’s shoulder he digs in and points his gun at him. “Don’t move, you’re under arrest.”

Hearing more shots Carmilla turned her head and started to run in the direction, hearing DeLucci’s distinct gruff voice.

“Get the fuck outta here! I’ll take you all down! Jeremy!”

Carmilla looked to her left as a figure shot out of the shadows, no doubt being Jeremy, and started to shoot at the officers in pursuit of DeLucci as he held a large black duffle to his chest.

Pointing her gun Carmilla fired a few shots that hit next to Jeremy’s head as he ducked and looked around. “Drop the gun or else you'll be the one I shoot next.”

She was always surprised with the tone her voice took when she was arresting someone. Flinging his gun to the side the supposed Jeremy got on the ground with his hands up, DeLucci calling back to him as he ducked behind a rafter, firing a shot off from behind it.

“Jeremy, you fucking pussy! I’m gonna fucking kill you!”

“I don’t think that will be happening.”

Everyone turned as Belmonde’s voice broke through the sound of gun shots as she stood dead behind DeLucci, pointing her gun at his head as he turned. Carmilla could see a slight tremble in his movements.

It always left her in awe at how Belmonde could render even the most intimidating criminals to trembling messes.

“Nice try DeLucci.”

Kicking out her foot Belmonde’s boot made swift contact with DeLucci’s crotch as he groaned and fell to the ground, dropping his gun as an officer quickly scrambled to pick it up.

Carmilla made sure an officer was taking care of Jeremy as she hustled over, Kirsch dragging the man he had disarmed earlier with him.

“Karnstein, check the bag.” Belmonde spoke softly yet with authority as she kept her eyes boring into DeLucci’s skull. Kneeling down Carmilla unzipped the duffle revealing a couple million dollars worth of cocaine.

“Okay, round them up and let’s take them to the station!”

Pushing DeLucci to his feet, Carmilla quickly handcuffed his wrists and shoved him towards another officer, Kirsch tucking his gun away as he joined her.

“Snagged this.” Kirsch sneakily holds up the photo from the table as Carmilla snags it out of his hand.

Carmilla smirks at his sneakiness but can't suppress the sickening feeling the pictures give her. whomever it was, Vordenberg had the ability to watch her, and it was making her sick. She feels like she's missing something, missing the big picture even though it's staring her right in the eyes.

"This is messed up. I have to bring this to Danny ASAP."

"Yeah," Kirsch answers. "Let's get out of here. This place gives me the creeps," he adds as the two make their way out of the warehouse, watching the scene as DeLucci and his gang are shoved into cop cars.

“Good work today.” Belmonde brushes past the two and if they hadn’t been paying attention they would have missed it.

Making their way back to Kirsch’s car an unsettling feeling grips Carmilla.

She fists the grip of her gun again, something making her want to pull it out into her hand. She feels an itch at the back of her head, like someone's watching them and she can't seem to shake it. So she stops, just outside the entrance to the building and looks around.

A few cop cars have already started to pull away back to the precinct, the rain is beating down harder now making it hard to see again.

"What is it?" Kirsch asks, getting his keys out of his pocket.

"Do you get the feeling we're still being watched?"

Kirsch spins, lets his gaze roam over the building and the abandoned lot, before shrugging at her and lifting his hands up. "This place would make anyone paranoid," he comments, turning back around and walking back to his car.

But Carmilla still can't get the feeling to go away so she just stands there, watches as Kirsch takes his keys out of his pocket and moves to unlock the doors.

A flash of suspicion bursts through her like a shock and she's yelling at Kirsch before she can stop herself.

"Kirsch, NO!” She shouts, starting to run forward, the remaining officers and Belmonde turning at her sudden outburst.

But it's too late. Kirsch turns as she yells it, but his thumb hits the button on his keys, the doors unlocking with a beep and seconds later the car explodes, a rush of flame punching out of it and sending Carmilla flying backwards, her back hitting the ground as she lands in a mix of rain and mud. Pain sears through her spine before everything goes black.

 

—

 

She comes to only a few minutes later but it feels like an eternity. She can hear sirens and yelling all around her. Hands are helping her sit up, the ringing in her ears still going strong as she winces. 

She blinks slowly to get her vision to focus and wipes the rain out of her eyes. Kirsch’s car is still on fire, its charred remains crackling sickeningly in front of her and when she looks a little further she can see Kirsch’s still form not too far away.

Pain flushes through her as she tries to scramble to stand but the arms are pulling her back down, voices are telling her to try to relax and remain still.

He's not moving, and the sight alone makes more fear rush to her heart.

The ambulance pulls up next to them and four guys jump out with a stretcher, the paramedics on the scene helping them load his limp body onto a stretcher. She exhales in relief and calls out to them, her head starting to swim again with pain and adrenaline.

"Get him to a hospital!" she screams out before she’s being pulled to her own ambulance, letting the paramedics help her as she watches Kirsch being taken away.


	14. In The Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating! I'm going to be traveling abroad for a month but I will be trying to update this regularly, there might be a few delays but updates will definitly be coming.
> 
> This fic is almost to 100 kudos and I could not have done it without all of you so thank you, thank you, thank you! I hope the number keeps raising, your interest in this has brought me so much joy and confidence in my writing! I truly cannot thank you enough.
> 
> the chapter name is from the song Between - Courrier 
> 
> xx
> 
> trigger warning: mentions of gun violence

—

 

It’s early in the afternoon when Kirsch and Carmilla were rushed into the hospital. It took about another few hours for everything to be checked and examined. Carmilla was put in a separate room where nurses swarmed her. Eventually it was confirmed that Kirsch was okay, a few broken ribs and a lot of gashes but he was okay. 

Carmilla had gotten away with a few bruises and scratches but the nurse had insisted she stay in the hospital before Laura got there. It had aggravated her because she knew the moment Laura got there and saw butterfly tape on her cheek and bandages on her body that her wife would freak.

So she just sits on the hospital bed, dangling her legs over the side as she tries to manage the aching in her joints. She didn’t realize until now how much she hates hospitals. Even being there when Perry was recovering she didn’t have this hatred she felt now.

There was this guilt weighing on her shoulders that no one would be in this god forsaken place if it weren’t for her. Vordenberg was slowly etching away at her sanity and those close to her. It was only a matter of time. Who was next, Laura, LaF, Danny?

Just the thought of someone coming near Laura made her spine prickle and her fists clench. But before she could think anymore about that slimy old man the sound of footsteps hurrying towards her broke her thoughts.

Looking up her eyes widened as the woman she expected to be her wife was instead Matska Belmonde coming towards her quickly, looking like she wanted to scream. “Chief?”

“Karnstein, I’m taking you off the case.”

Carmilla blinked in shock, shaking her head a bit to make sure the small pain medication the nurse gave her wasn’t making her hallucinate. “But Chief, you can’t do that I—“

“You what? Karnstein so far a woman has been shot and your partner has had their car blown up in their face, you’re too dangerous for this case. Whomever is terrorizing those closest to you are targeting you, I need to put someone else on this before anything else happens.”

Ignoring the pain that tears through her muscles when she leaps off the bed, Carmilla stands in front of Belmonde, clenching her jaw.

“No, you cannot take this away from me Belmonde, you don’t know how hard I’ve been killing myself over this case, I swear I’m getting somewhere with it just please—“

“I can’t afford to lose anymore people on my watch, Karnstein.” Belmonde put her hand up to silence anymore of Carmilla’s words but the detective wasn’t giving up.

From the outside it would seem normal that Belmonde and Carmilla were butting heads. The two often did with each other, and especially over these types of issues. Belmonde’s patience with Carmilla’s somewhat cocky-attitude at the station was thin, she did recognize that Carmilla was probably her top detective but that still didn’t stop her from butting heads with her.

This time Belmonde was partially right. It didn’t help the fact that Carmilla was feeling responsible for Perry and Kirsch, but if Belmonde gave the case to another detective they would lose it no doubt. She was onto Vordenberg and she had an inkling deep down that he was scared of that.

Not knowing how else to get across to Belmonde she just squared her shoulders and looked at the chief of police straight in the eyes. The two had known each other since Carmilla enrolled in the academy.

There was no doubt the two had tension. Carmilla had been ranked number one in her class for everything yet Belmonde still hadn’t hired her straight into her precinct, instead she had sent her to the one in Queens which hardly got any action.

It had been a surprise to everyone in the academy, since Belmonde had been watching Carmilla’s progress the entire time, everyone thought she had been grooming her for greater things.

It had taken Carmilla blood, sweat, and tears to finally get recruited into the Manhattan precinct and she never once took it for granted once she got in.

But that had been Belmonde’s plan all along. It wasn’t until years later that Carmilla realized why she had done that. Belmonde had wanted her to learn about humility and pride. In a way Carmilla kind of loved her for teaching her that lesson more matter how hard it had been.

“Please.” Carmilla’s voice wavered as she tried to show Belmonde how much this meant to her. She had never once begged the chief for anything, Belmonde had never taken her off a case, she had threatened many times, but never acted on it.

“You don’t understand. I need to be the one to put him away.”

Belmonde pursed her lips, shifting her stance a bit as she crossed her arms but she was listening to Carmilla intently.

“Please, please, please. _Mattie_ please.”

Shaking her head while tapping her heel on the floor Belmonde threw her hands up, a flood of relief running through Carmilla.

“Fine. But really Karnstein, one more fuck up and you’re off. I’m giving you one more month to finish this.”

 

—

 

Laura had arrived shortly after Carmilla and Belmonde’s discussion and immediately she had run to the doctor’s and nurses to make sure her wife wasn’t injured in any way majorly. It had taken a lot of convincing mostly on Carmilla’s part but once Laura finally relaxed and had evidence her wife wasn’t dead she calmed down a bit.

“When can we get you discharged?” Laura hung onto Carmilla’s middle loosely as they stood leaning against the side of her bed, looking around for the doctor so they could get out of here. Laura was also sharing Carmilla’s dislike for hospitals, and especially at this moment.

She would never tell Carmilla but seeing her on the hospital bed, even if she had minor wounds, still shook something inside Laura. She knew her wife’s job was one of the most dangerous in the city, but even after all these years she still hadn’t found a way to keep a grip on her emotions. 

Danny was talking to Carmilla but Laura wasn’t listening to that she was concentrated on how her wife was still breathing, standing, and was _alive._

She was living in a constant state of paranoia since Perry’s shooting and the fact that her wife was running around trying to chase down criminals wasn’t helping.

“Hopefully in a few minutes, where is the damn nurse?” Looking around Carmilla rubbed Laura’s back with one hand and hung onto the side of the bed with the other. LaFontaine came around the corner, talking to Carmilla’s doctor as Laura detached herself and went to join the conversation.

Once Laura started inquiring him LaF slipped away and approached her best friend slowly. Carmilla raised an eyebrow as LaF started to lean on the bed next to her.

“I’m sorry about earlier. I was out of line.” Their voice was soft and heavy with guilt. Carmilla shifted as she nudged LaF’s shoulder.

“I know. I’m sorry I have no idea what you’re doing through—it kills me to see you like this everyday.”

LaF sighed, wringing their hands together as they stared ahead at the white hospital wall. “I just thought getting her home would be different. She doesn’t want her being shot the only reason we get back together but it isn’t. Perry’s the only person I ever will love and can love.”

Carmilla nodded in understanding, biting her lip as Laura finally got around to getting the discharge papers. “Just talk to her. Even if she doesn’t want to talk herself say what you have to say and leave it at that.”

LaF could at least do that. If this was the last shred of hope they had in their marriage they could at least tell their wife they honest feelings.

“Okay.” LaF breathed, taking Carmilla’s hand as the two stood in silence. It was becoming quite a habit lately between them. But maybe it was what worked for them.

 

—

 

Laura and Carmilla are almost back to their apartment by mid afternoon. Laura had insisted they take a cab because she wanted Carmilla to relax a bit, but Carmilla hated cabs. They were just money suckers and she preferred walking but the worried and tired look on her wife’s face made her drop her argument and get into the yellow taxi.

“What was Belmonde talking to you about earlier?” Laura’s arm is looped through Carmilla’s as they walk up the steps of their apartment and step into the main hall. Carmilla blinks, trying to search her pain medicated mind for the argument she had had with the chief earlier.

She didn’t even know Laura had seen them talking and like she could read her mind Laura intoned, “I was coming down the hall when I saw you two finishing your conversation.”

Carmilla swallowed. She wanted to tell her Laura that Belmonde had almost kicked her off the case. She wanted to tell her wife that she had almost broken down in tears in front of her boss. But her protective instincts over Laura took precedence so she settled for a shrug as they rode up in their elevator.

“She was concerned about Kirsch.” Carmilla looked down, fiddling with the gauze bandage around her wrist but Laura saw right through her. “Tell me the truth.”

It almost killed Carmilla at how vulnerable and scared her wife’s voice was. It shocked her right back into the reality of their lives.

“She was going to cut me from the case but I convinced her to let me stay.”

They stepped out of the elevator, Laura following Carmilla as she clenched her fists. “Are you kidding me, Carm?!”

Spinning around at the sudden change in Laura’s tone, Carmilla raised her eyebrows, her hand on the door knob as she turned the key halfway. “What?”

Laura rolled her eyes tears filling them as she stood a few feet away from Carmilla, crossing her arms. “Really, Carmilla?”

Maybe it was the pain medication making Carmilla somewhat slow on her wife’s various emotions but her head was pounding and her legs were in pain and all she wanted to do was get into bed and try to get at least four hours of sleep.

“Why did you convince her to let you stay? This all could have been over! If you left now he would call off all his henchmen and—and, you wouldn’t be in this situation, Kirsch wouldn’t be…” Laura knew that would hit Carmilla hard. She didn’t mean for it to be a guilt trip but how else could it have come off?

Carmilla’s partner was in the hospital and Perry had been earlier because whether it was her fault or not, Carmilla’s involvement in the case was clearly creating a big threat for those around her.

“I know. You don’t think I know it’s all my fault?” Carmilla spun around, gritting her teeth as she faced her wife. Tears were in both of their eyes and both of them were ignoring the fact that the guard stationed outside of their door was very much asleep.

It was probably to his benefit he wasn’t awake for this fight.

“I never said it was your fault—“

“But you _implied_ it!”

Laura wiped at her eyes, her bottom lip trembling.

“You didn’t think for one moment that maybe once you stepped off the case all of these threatening letters would stop coming? The reason they are coming is because you’re still _involved._ I can’t live like this, I’m constantly worried that the next call I’m going to get is that you’ve been shot or…”

Carmilla couldn’t hear anymore, throwing open their door she stomped through the entrance, thankful that LaF wasn’t home yet and Perry was probably knocked out sleeping on her medication.

“They wouldn’t have gone away just like that, Laura.”

Shaking her head Laura followed as she slammed the door behind her, the guard jolting awake as he looked around.

“No, but it would have lessened the target on your back. Belmonde pretty much offered you an out. That’s what he wants, once you’re out he won’t come for us anymore!”

Suddenly crying out Carmilla slumped down on the couch, her face in her hands as she sobbed. Her lungs hurt from the effort but she couldn’t stop.

“I have to finish this—I have to _end_ this. He’s taken so much I’m not going to walk away like he wants me to, I’m going to fight him until there’s one of us left standing. This isn't just about him and I anymore, it's about everyone he's hurt.”

She was gasping for breath, every emotion she had was coming to the surface and she didn’t know what she could do. Laura bit her lip as she slowly slid onto the couch next to her, wrapping her arm around Carmilla’s as she cried with her.

“I know you have this sense of duty, but you don’t owe anyone anything, Carm.”

Pressing her palms to her eyes, Carmilla lifted her head and looked at Laura. Memorizing every the facial features she loved. Like the way Laura’s forehead creased slightly when she was upset or worried. And the way she bit her lip when they had a serious conversation.

“I owe it to Sarah Jane, and to the hundreds of other people Baron Vordenberg has killed. I don’t know why, but I’m the one that needs to put him away, not another detective, but me.”

For some reason Laura understood that, maybe she didn’t agree with it, but she understood why Carmilla’s relationship to this case.

Leaning her forehead on Carmilla’s shoulder, Laura kissed it and closed her eyes. “Okay, then I’m here for you. I’m going to support you no matter what.”

Those were all the words Carmilla needed to hear right now. Letting her exhaustion finally take the rains she pulled Laura into her body as the two shifted onto the couch. It wasn’t the comfiest of places to sleep but both of them just needed to be close to one another.

 

—

 

_ Barely a month after becoming official with Laura, they actually broke up. Laura blamed Carmilla. Carmilla blamed the police academy. _

_Well, more accurately. Carmilla blamed Matska Belmonde._

_The chief of police had been on her ass all day and night trying to make her get the scores she knew she deserved. It was all great and fine but it was beginning to take a toll on Carmilla’s personal life, which usually she would put on the back burner, but when Laura came into the picture everything had changed._

_Carmilla was smart. Like off the charts smart and she had a natural aptitude for the kinds of tasks she faced in the police academy._

_But she was also not so great at managing stress at this point in her life and when the pressure of her final exams settled firmly on her shoulders, she snapped. And Laura ended up drawing the short end of the stick._

_It had been about a week, four days, seven hours, thirty-six minutes and fifteen seconds since Laura threw her hands up, said "We're through!” and stormed out of Carmilla’s apartment. Carmilla had been miserable for about a week, four days, seven hours, thirty-five minutes and fifteen seconds of that time._

_Having Laura around all the time had driven her insane at the beginning of her exams. She felt like Laura was this extra obligation that she had to entertain and feed and deal with and it was just taking up too much time and she lost it._

_But now, in her apartment with the silence and the lack of Laura she felt totally empty and she was actually having a harder time concentrating._

_It sucked. It absolutely sucked._

_Not to mention, she never realized how much of a stress reliever Laura was. When Carmilla studied at home, Laura would make her lunch, buy her these energy drinks Carmilla knew she disapproved of, or give her the best head massages she'd ever had._

_Then, when Carmilla lost track of time and the birds outside started their morning chirping, Laura would tug her upstairs and put her to bed and there would be snuggling - Laura was really good at snuggling - and she just missed the girl._

_Carmilla missed Laura and she didn't know what to do about it. It's not like her friends were any help either. LaF had just rolled their eyes and berated Carmilla for being an idiot before Carmilla had pushed them over into a snow bank._

_Perry had just criticized and went on about Carmilla’s inept ability to hold a relationship and it was all just too much for her at this point._

_She stared at the clock near her desk and tapped her highlighter against her open book. It was nearly three in the afternoon and she was hungry and bored and if she had to read another word about vicarious liability she was going to scratch her eyes out._

_Yawning, she threw her highlighter down and shut her book, stretching as she stood and turned to leave._

_It was cold outside and she had to watch where she was walking so she didn't slip on ice and fall on her ass. Two blocks later and she made it to her favorite little market, rubbing her hands as she stepped inside and smiled at George behind the counter._

_The freezers were in the back so Carmilla headed straight there to grab a drink and a box of Hot Pockets. It wasn't a steak and a glass of wine, but it was cheap and easy and Carmilla just wanted to buy her stuff and go back to her apartment where she was going to spend the rest of her afternoon depressed over Laura and how she was totally going to fail out of the academy._

_But then, like God just enjoyed causing her pain, the most adorable sound hit Carmilla’s ears and her chest squeezed as her heart recognized the angelic laughter._

_Sure enough, as she turned back to the front counter, a box of Hot Pockets and a can of Red Bull in her left hand, her now ex-girlfriend was standing there, laughing at George and hitting him on the arm endearingly._

_Carmilla just stared in shock and despite her brain screaming at her to move before Laura saw her, her feet wouldn't obey. Laura was bundled head to toe, a light flush to her cheeks, a hat pulled over her ears, and a scarf hanging down over her jacket and the breath flew right out of Carmilla as she took in how cute and sexy Laura managed to look at the same time._

_Her eyes were starved for the sight and Carmilla blinked slowly as she just stood there._

_As her laughter peeled off, Laura turned, her jaw dropping as she saw Carmilla._

_"Carmilla," Laura breathed._

_With a shake of her head, Carmilla recovered and managed a weak, "Hey," as she moved to set her things next to the cash register._

_Laura looked around the store and at George before turning back to Carmilla again. "I was just," she stuttered and Carmilla narrowed her eyes at the hesitant tone she wasn't used to hearing from Laura. “I was stopping in because they have those little cookie bites I like," she finished._

_And that's when Carmilla realized that this little market was way out of Laura’s neighborhood and the likelihood of them running into each other here was slim to none. She hadn't even thought of that before._

_"Oh," she said, glancing at George. "Cool."_

_She felt totally lame and anxious so she shoved a twenty dollar bill at George before grabbing her stuff and making a move for the exit. "Nice to see you," she shot at Laura._

_It wasn't that she didn't want to be around Laura. On the contrary, she wanted it more than anything, but standing next to her, knowing that they weren't together anymore was too painful at the moment and she felt like between her overstressed nerves and her lack of sleep she'd do something stupid like cry._

_So instead, she was running away before anything ridiculous happened._

_Laura caught up to her a block back towards her apartment._

_"Carm!"_

_She thought about not turning around. Honestly. She thought about it for about three seconds but her stupid feet decided turning was her best option and she was facing Laura before she could stop herself._

_"What's up?"_

_Laura opened her mouth and closed it and seriously, when did Laura Hollis become hesitant and stuttering and speechless? Carmilla felt a flutter of hope that maybe the reason was because Laura was just as depressed and confused over their break up as Carmilla was._

_"I just," Laura started, stuffing mitten-hidden hands in her jacket pockets. "How have you been?"_

_She didn't mean to say it. She meant to say fine. She meant to say good, how are you?, but instead, like a lovesick idiot she said, "I miss you."_

_Laura’s eyes went wide and her jaw dropped open and Carmilla nearly hit herself with the box of Hot Pockets she was holding but she'd already made enough of a fool out of herself. Carmilla Karnstein didn’t miss people. She needed to get home before she said something even more ridiculous._

_But before Carmilla could turn and walk away again, Laura took a step towards her on the ice and looked up into Carmilla’s eyes._

_"I miss you too," she whispered, her words almost lost in the cold wind that blew past them._

_It took a heartbeat for the words to sink in but when they did, Carmilla didn't hesitate. She saw an opening and she dove into it._

_Her Hot Pockets and Red Bull hit the sidewalk with a crash as she stepped forward swiftly and pulled Laura into her body, pressing their lips together. Warmth shot through her whole body as Laura moaned at the assault and brought her hands out of her pockets to cup Carmilla’s face, the soft material of the mittens rubbing against her cheeks._

_Feeling Laura’s lips against her own was like a shock to her entire system and she felt exhaustion and hunger rush out of her and all she was aware of was Laura’s warm lips against hers and the way her laughter sounded and the way Laura’s coat felt clenched in her fists._

_Carmilla didn't know how long they stood there on the cold, desolate sidewalk near her building but Carmilla didn't care. Laura was kissing her and her hands were pulling their faces closer together and she could really give a crap about anything else._

_She could feel a smile stretch against Laura’s lips as their kisses slowed and Laura laughed, the sound settling deep in Carmilla’s heart._

_"I'm sorry," Carmilla whispered into Laura’s lips. "I'm so sorry."_

_Laura shook her head and kissed her again. "Let's not break up again, okay?”_

_This time Carmilla smiled, wide and brilliant and she felt it all throughout her body. "Deal," she agreed._

_"Deals have to be sealed," Laura suggested, rocking on her feet and grabbing the front of Carmilla’s heavy sweatshirt._

_Now, a different kind of warmth shot through Carmilla and her heart flipped over. She grabbed Laura’s hand and turned to make her way back down the sidewalk. "Come on."_

_Hours later, in a bed of rumpled sheets as Laura hummed a soft tune into Carmilla’s hair, she remembered her discarded bag of Hot Pockets and Red Bull still lying out on the sidewalk and laughed out loud._

_By January, when rankings in the academy were posted, Carmilla was at the top of her class._

 

—

 

The doorbell rings and Carmilla jerks awake, blinking sleepily as she looks around. Her neck aches where it’s jammed up against the arm of the couch and Laura’s sprawled next to her, wedged between her and the back of the couch, snoring softly.

She wraps her arms tightly around her wife and shifts out from under her, turning to lay Laura properly back on the couch.

She blindly gropes around for her phone as she flashes the screen at her tired eyes, reading the time of 8:00pm.

Her wife mumbles and licks her lips as they move but doesn’t wake and Carmilla presses a kiss to her forehead before moving quickly upstairs towards the door as it rings again.

Wiping her face to try to seem semi-presentable, Carmilla notices in the hallway mirror how red her eyes were.

She looks through the peephole and opens the door slowly, raising her eyebrows as J.P. shifts nervously from side to side.

“J.P.? What are you doing here?”

The English man smiled anxiously as Carmilla ushered him inside. She noticed he was wringing his hands together, and it wasn't unusual for J.P. to be so nervous in her presence, usually it cracked her up, but for some reason this seemed serious. “Laura’s asleep right now.” 

“That’s alright, I just wanted to drop off some files she left at the office. She hasn’t been in for a few days, I assumed she would want these.”

Carmilla nodded as she took a few folders from him as he handed them to her. “Thank you, I’ll get these to her. You’ve probably heard about Perry and such.”

J.P. nodded, smiling as Rex hurried over to sniff at him. “I did, I’m so glad she’s doing alright now. I figured that’s why Laura was gone, I’m just glad Theodore Straka didn’t end of being a psychopath or something.”

Carmilla hummed absently before she paused. Theodore Straka. That name was so familiar.

Then it clicked with her, that was Vordenberg’s estranged son. The man had changed his last name after college to his mother’s maiden name to not associate with his father. The media had always speculated it had been because Vordenberg had refused to hand his company down to Theodore.

Earlier in the case Danny had ordered him to court to testify but the man was smart and had his lawyers get him out of it. He didn’t seem like a threat but he did seem like he could have had valuable information about his father. He could have been the golden goose they needed this entire time.

And here Laura was, interviewing him and being all buddy buddy with him, had she even thought about Carmilla in all of this? It dawned on Carmilla in a flurry of anger how hypocritical Laura had been earlier, yelling at Carmilla because she wanted to stay on the case but in fact Laura was tangling with Vordenberg's literal son. 

And she hadn't told Carmilla. Not one bit. 

“What do you mean Theodore Straka?”

J.P. looked up from where he had began petting Rex, his eyes widening in realization suddenly.

“She didn’t tell you?”

Carmilla suddenly felt something wrench at her stomach as she gripped the folders so tightly in her hand it looked like she was going to crush them. “Tell…me _what?”_

J.P. started shifting from side to side again as he swallowed, starting to scratch his head as his eyes flicked around anywhere but Carmilla.

“J.P., tell me right now before I rip your spine straight out of your body.”

Knowing he only had two options: Tell Carmilla or be killed by Carmilla, he chose the first.

“Laura’s been interviewing Theodore about his father’s case—I thought you knew, I’m so sorry, Carmilla.”

Feeling like her world was about to implode Carmilla numbly set the folder down on the kitchen counter.

“I should get going…tell Laura I said hi and to come back to work soon.” Carmilla blinked as she raised a hand in a semi good-bye gesture to J.P. as he let himself out quickly.

Hearing a rustling in the living room Carmilla forced her legs to walk her into the space, Laura was sitting up, yawning and rubbing her eyes before she spotted Carmilla. 

“Who was at the door?”

Carmilla stared at her wife for what felt like a long time. Her mind was a mess trying to process everything. Looking at Laura made her want to throw up, she wanted to scream but she knew her lungs couldn’t muster it.

In another time maybe Carmilla wouldn't have minded that Laura had kept something work related from her. She had insisted that they try to keep their careers out of their relationship but this was so intertwined with Carmilla's business. 

The fact that Kirsch was laid up in the hospital and Perry was in their guest room healing from two bullet wounds made the entire situation something Carmilla couldn't let go of.

This felt like karma to her. Vordenberg was coming for her friends and now her marriage. Snapping back into the present moment Laura’s voice finally registered with her ears,

“Carm, what’s wrong…?”

There’s a dark, ominous feeling, a low pressure at the base of her neck and the last thing she needs right now is a reason for her and Laura to be at odds, but this was how it was.

Her voice was low and cold when she spoke, and it instantly made a shiver run up Laura’s spine because she had only ever heard this tone once in her life before.

“When were you going to tell me about Theodore Straka?”


	15. I Was Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating and the slight cliffhanger. This chapter is a tad bit shorter than normal + I apologize, I will try to be updating regularly :) I say this a lot but I truly mean it: thank you, thank YOU for reading.
> 
> The song for this chapter means a lot to me personally as well as it heavily applying to Hollstein's relationship in this chapter and in general. 
> 
> I Was Wrong - Sleeperstar
> 
> I'm even leaving a link to the song here so if you can have a listen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyYAdJGbpjA
> 
> xx

—

 

_ “Can you stop fidgeting? I need to straighten the flowers in your hair!” _

_Carmilla huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest, trying to be patient as Laura lifted her hands to fix the two white roses perched neatly in her hair. “I don’t even know why I have to wear these, I’m not the bride or anything.”_

_Laura smiled affectionately at her girlfriend as she fiddled with the stems before she put them back in place, dropping a kiss to Carmilla’s cheek as she pulled back._

_“It was Perry’s choice, it’s her and LaF’s big day, the least you could do is what they asked, Carm.” Laura shook her head as she giggled gently, Carmilla moved to sit down in front of the vanity mirror, sighing._

_“I’m sorry, I’m just nervous. I’ve never been anyone’s maid of honor…I just don’t want to screw this up for LaF.”_

_Laura tilted her head to the side before she moved to sit next to Carmilla, nodding as she looked at their reflection. “Carm, you’re not going to screw anything up. LaF asked you because you’re their best friend and you deserve to be by their side in this beautiful ceremony more than anyone.”_

_It always stunned Carmilla how Laura just said the right things when she needed them most. For most of her life Carmilla lived on a complex type of guilt, partially from her mother leaving and not feeling good enough._

_It was a cliche type of brooding that had encompassed Carmilla Karnstein but Laura had slowly edged away at it over the years._

_She had spent the bulk of her life believing God hated her and nothing good was ever going to last for her, hence the walls she put up and the relationships she destroyed before they even had had a hint of going anywhere._

_But with Laura everything was different. In the beginning of their relationship when Carmilla had started to revert back into her brooding ways Laura had pushed back, which had surprised her._

_No one she had ever dated wanted to entangle themselves in the baggage that Carmilla carried yet Laura Hollis had dove had first into it._

_“You always say the right thing.” Carmilla smiled, Laura taking her shaking hands in her own as they shared a loving kiss._

_This had all happened so quickly, one moment LaF and Perry were engaged and the next here they were at a large inn in Maryland preparing for the wedding of the century._

_LaFontaine had stepped back during the planning when Perry had gone full bridezilla. They just wanted their future wife to have the wedding of their dreams and apparently that included swans, over ten thousand white roses, and around two hundred guests._

_It gave Carmilla a migraine when she would think about the list of things Perry had rolled out. Of course Perry had made Laura her maid of honor which did take some of the weight off because of Laura’s amazing organizing skills, but none the less her and LaF usually ended up having a scotch in their office when Laura and Perry stayed up late planning._

_It baffled Carmilla how calm LaF had been about the entire thing, they hadn’t put up a fight when Perry asked for anything or even scoffed at the overly lavish venue they had booked._

_Is that what love was? Maybe LaF and Perry’s love. But when Carmilla actually thought about it during those long nights when she would lay awake and think about the ring box stuffed in her dresser that she realized what it was. It wasn’t just their love it was also Carmilla and Laura’s._

_It was pure, untainted, passionate love. It was all consuming, all you wanted to do was see the one you love happy._

_She would marry Laura at the ends of the Earth if that’s what she wanted, would find the largest castle on the planet if that’s what she wanted, yet the fact that Laura didn’t want any of those things made Carmilla fall in love with her even more, and the fact that Carmilla would do those things for her made Laura love her just the same._

_“Think we’ll be here one day?”_

_Carmilla followed Laura’s line of sight through the window of their dressing room and out onto the large courtyard. Flowers lined the aisle that lead to the giant white arch. It was a cliche wedding no doubt, lavish and big but in the moment it didn't’ seem cliche, it was just plain beautiful._

_“In Maryland?” Carmilla joked, Laura swatting her arm as she rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean.”_

_It was no question Carmilla knew Laura was the one she wanted to marry. It was just popping the question and even for the stone cold appearing detective, the thought scared her shitless. What if Laura said no?_

_Not like that would happen but Carmilla liked to know the outcome of things, and even in her toughest cases asking Laura to marry her seemed even scarier. But it was the one thing Carmilla wanted and had to do. It was the next point in their relationship and she didn’t want to ever go a day without Laura next to her._

_“Of course. You can’t get rid of me, cupcake.”_

_Laura grinned, the two sharing another kiss before they heard Perry’s shrill voice barreling down the hallway. “LAURA! CARMILLA! Where the hell are you?! We’re doing photos NOW!”_

_Picking up their bouquets, Laura brushed the invisible creases out of her dress as she took Carmilla’s hand, starting down the hall. The two smiled giddily at each other like two dates at prom before Laura called back to the frantic redhead at the end of the hall._

_“Coming, bridezilla!”_

_ “What did you call me?!” _

_ “Nothing!” _

—

 

 

“W-What?” Laura blinked as she stared at Carmilla, her throat bobbing up and down slightly as she tried to swallow. Her whole body started to feel sweaty as she tried to hold herself together.

“J.P. was just at the door, he wanted me to give you _these._ ” With a flick of her hand Carmilla threw Theodore’s file on the table, the folder flapping open as Laura’s notes were exposed into the air.

Her first instinct was telling her to shut the folder and deny everything, but something about Carmilla’s face stopped her.

She was angry no doubt, but there was something else there and it looked like heartbreak almost, pure unadulterated heartbreak.

“Carm, I can explain—“

Carmilla held her hand up cutting her off mid-sentence as she started to pace back and forth in front of the couch, torn between knowing what to say and not knowing what to say.

“Y-You…you’ve been talking to Theodore Straka? And you…you didn’t tell me?” She stopped next to the armchair and looked at Laura, her eyes shining with unshed tears as she tried to wrap her head around the very notion that her wife would keep something of this magnitude from her.

“Yes but—you don’t understand, I was going—“

“You were going to tell me? When, after the article was published? Do you even know how this makes me feel?”

Laura swallowed hard, a small tear escaping her own eye as she sat on the edge of the couch, wanting so much to just stand up and embrace her wife and tell her everything and explain everything but she knew that wasn’t part of this and it wasn’t what she deserved right now.

“No, I was going to tell you—of course I was! But Theodore swore me to secrecy…”

A bitter laugh cut through the air as Carmilla tossed her head back, Laura frowned as she straightened up, the two making eye contact again. It was a childish thing, swearing someone to secrecy, and especially with how intense the case was getting Laura knew it wasn’t a valid excuse.

“You’re so hypocritical! You got mad at _me_ for not letting go of the case when you've been sneaking around pretty much dive bombing into it yourself!”

Carmilla finally slumped into the chair, pressing her hands into her face as Laura felt another wave of guilt come crashing onto her as she sat further on the edge of the couch, practically off of it as she leaned forward.

“I know. I know, I’m a huge hypocrite but if you just let me explain…Carm, he knows his father killed Sarah Jane I—“

Laura froze when a sob broke through Carmilla’s throat, the detective not able to hold it in any longer as Laura’s heart broke into a million pieces at the sight of her wife so defeated, and it was all because of her stupid need to make an impression at her job. 

“I’ve been literally killing myself over this case for months, Laura, you of all people _know_ that…and for you to go and keep this from me—“

Carmilla’s words cut into her like a knife, it split through her skin and she felt herself cringe at her own selfishness. A sob escaped her throat as well and soon she was crying, not able to see what was in front of her because of the blur of tears.

“I-I wanted to make an impression at The New Yorker, I wanted to make something of myself…”

She knew it wasn’t the right excuse or a good one, but it was the honest truth and even if Carmilla couldn’t think clearly right now perhaps she could see the vulnerability in Laura’s actions.

“I love you more than anything Carm, and I let this selfish need for a good story get in the way—“

“Kirsch. _Perry._ They were victims in this, Laura, and you could have ended it right then and there, Theodore probably knows who hurt them and where they are.”

Laura’s head shot up from her hands, biting her lip she shook her head, for some reason her guilt was now being replaced with a spike of anger. She knew it was out of line, but she said it anyways,

“Don’t you _dare_ blame me for their circumstances! I only could get as much as Theodore would give me, you have no idea—it isn’t that simple, I can’t just ask him to solve everything. You—you even said from the beginning you didn’t want our careers mixing too much with each other! I-I wanted to protect you, everyday I see you walk out that door and I don’t know whether you’re going to come back or if I’m going to get a call telling me you’re dead! It’s terrifying, Carm, I was just trying to do what was right, I wanted to help!”

She knew it was a poor and lame argument, to try to use Carmilla’s words against hers but she felt their relationship slipping through her fingers and it scared the absolute shit out of her.

Her best friend was laying in their guest bedroom recovering from two bullet wounds, Carmilla’s best friend was off somewhere probably drinking themselves miserable.

And here she was, breaking her wife’s heart.

Carmilla scoffed at Laura’s words, shaking her head she stood, wiping viciously at her red eyes as she searched for her jacket.

“I know you didn’t do this to intentionally hurt me, but you still kept this from me, how long did you think you could keep it from me? He’s Vordenberg’s fucking _son_ for crying out loud! Listen to me when I say this: Mattie almost let me go from the precinct, my partner’s car blew up, and I have Perry’s accident on my conscious, and this entire time you’ve kept a key piece of information from me. I almost got blown up, Laura! Does that mean anything to you? I…how could you make me feel so _insignificant_?”

Laura didn’t try to argue this time, instead she sat and listened, she listened because that’s all she could do and she at least owed Carmilla this.

It wasn’t the anger that was breaking Laura it was vulnerability and hurt that Carmilla was showing.

Rarely did the detective ever show a sign of weakness, especially on the job, but the one person that had the privilege of knowing Carmilla’s more delicate side was Laura, and she had betrayed that privilege.

She had stomped all over it and slapped her emotionally in the face.

“My whole career is uncovering secrets, keeping them, and revealing them. I’m sick of it, I don't want my marriage to turn into that—“

“It _won’t_! It _never_ will!”

Laura’s voice was firm and adamant, it shocked them both how loud it had come out, but she had to get her point across. She wasn’t going to let go of this, or Carmilla because of her selfishness.

She could see her wife looking for her jacket, she could feel at any moment now she was going to walk out of the door and slam it behind her. Carmilla's voice was harsh and cutting,

"It already has!"

“Please…don't go, don’t go, just stay. It’s not safe right now, and I can’t bare the idea of you out there without protection. I understand if you don’t want to sleep next to me, I’ll take the couch, but I want to be able to talk about this when you’re ready…I will not let our communication fall apart because I fucked up. I’m going to fix this.”

Laura’s voice cracked as she uttered the final plea she had to her wife, standing she looked at Carmilla across their living room. The only sounds keeping them company was the pattering of the rain, and the lightening occasionally illuminated the dark area.

“Please don’t let us end up like LaF and Perry.”

Carmilla shook her head as she walked slowly to the hallway and to their bedroom, turning back to look once more at her wife. Both of their eyes were puffy and red, they had never been in this state together before, they had never had a fight of this magnitude.

Carmilla remained staring at Laura, unblinking as she clenched her fists. Her voice was small, defeated, and in that moment Laura could see what she had really done. 

“Then why did you do this to me?”

—

 

_ When Laura said yes to her proposal and after a long fucking wait (Carmilla’s fault), the day wasn’t really special at all. _

_Carmilla had tried to get the courage up to do it on so many occasions, but each time her confidence had fallen flat. She suspected that Laura was beginning to notice something, but the smaller girl went on unbothered._

_It was a nothing day. An absolutely, boring, ordinary, insignificant day._

_Neither of them had to go into work and they had spent the day being lazy – something so rare for them that Carmilla marveled at the simplicity of it all._

_The sun streamed in through the window and she could almost feel the seconds tick away slowly on the grandfather clock two floors below them._

_At the moment, Carmilla was in bed - the place she had actually spent the last five hours in. A half-done crossword from the morning paper was propped against her knees and Laura had her head on Carmilla’s stomach, an article she was editing in her hands as she scribbled away with her pen._

_She shifted the newspaper to the side and ran her fingers over the brown hair falling across her stomach._

_Laura didn’t acknowledge her, but her head moved slightly to the side, leaning discreetly into Carmilla’s touch as her eyes moved rapidly over the white pages in front of her._

_Doing something so mundane as reading the paper and lounging in bed felt like the most perfect moment in Carmilla’s life and she was overcome with the need for it to be permanent, for Laura to have a place in her life as solid as the heart in Carmilla’s chest and blood pumping in her veins._

_Laura must have sensed Carmilla’s stare because she turned her head to look up at her, the script in her hands falling to her lap as she arched an eyebrow._

_“Whatcha doing?”_

_Carmilla swallowed and let her eyes roam over Laura’s face, her fingers still tangled in long brown hair. “You have to marry me,” she said, her voice deep and soft and full of all the love she had ever felt for this girl in their bed._

_Laura’s brow furrowed and she shifted slightly to study Carmilla better. Their gazes locked and a smile played over Laura’s lips._

_White teeth scraped across Laura’s bottom lip. “Oh, yeah?”_

_Carmilla smirked and tilted her head to the side. “Say yes.”_

_Pursing her lips, Laura thought about it for a moment. “Interesting approach...”_

_Carmilla turned and reached into her nightstand drawer, pulling out a small black box and setting it on her chest for Laura to look at._

_“I can’t live without you,” Carmilla intoned. “Marry me.”_

_There was no down-on-one-knee, no jazz band behind her, no epic poem or video slideshow or anything other than the rumpled sheets of their bed and the sound of cars rushing outside their window._

_Laura took a deep breath before pressing her lips against Carmilla’s._

_The whispered “Yes,” that came after was one of the greatest moments of Carmilla’s life._

 

—

 

Carmilla shifted slightly under the covers. Her back was aching from where it had hit the ground earlier, she looked over the bedside clock and read the time: 3:30 am.

It’s not like she was going to get any sleep tonight anyways, why was she trying to fool herself? Tossing the covers off her body she sat up, looking around the empty bedroom.

The crack in the door produced a small glimmer of light, meaning Laura was also still awake down the hall in the living room.

Carmilla wanted nothing more than to join her wife, cuddle and make up, but this was different. She was still trying to wrap her mind around the last few hours. There had been more arguing and crying.

Mainly on Carmilla’s part, but she just felt so fucking worthless. This made her feel even more so. Theodore Straka. Her golden ticket had been right under the nose the entire time.

And Laura had kept that from her.

She was going to be lucky if Belmonde let her keep her job after this. Carmilla could look past Laura’s intentions, but the fact that for the last few months Carmilla had been breaking her back to salvage anything from the case left her feeling bitter and broken.

It was still fucking pouring outside to no one’s surprise, and usually the soft sound of the droplets would help Carmilla get to sleep even on her hardest nights but not tonight.

Turning to the mirror near their dresses she could make out a faint reflection of herself in the dark. She raised a hand as if she were really testing to see if the person on the other side of the glass was her, because she sure as hell didn’t recognize her.

Dischevled, destroyed, _defeated._

She felt ashamed of herself, more ashamed than she had ever been. When would she be able to do anything right in her career or her marriage?

She resisted the strong urge to reach out and smash her fist into the glass. She hadn’t told anyone, not even Laura, these days she could barely even look at herself.

She wouldn’t even mind if one of Vordenberg’s rats shot her dead tomorrow, at least she wouldn’t have to live in a world where she hated herself.

“Pull yourself together you fucking idiot.”

Turning away from the glass she walked back to the bed, sitting on the edge as she slammed her face back into her hands and shook with a fresh wave of sobs.

Down the hall, laying uncomfortably on the couch Laura listened to the soft sounds of her wife crying.

Her heart squeezed and she gripped the armrest of the couch, digging her nails in. It was some fucked up kind of torture having to listen to this but she knew she couldn’t comfort her right now.

Instead Laura cried with her, they cried together, separated by a door and what felt like a thousand miles.


	16. All I See is You and Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I hope you're enjoying the action picking up in the story! Thank you for all of your wonderful comments they really make my day. 
> 
> The song for this chapter is: Come Home - OneRepublic
> 
> xx

—

 

LaFontaine snapped their head up as the door to their lab flung open and Carmilla whirled into the room with a flurry of things. Sunlight from the hallway outside flooded in as they blinked, raising their hand up to block it out.

Right off the bat they could make out Carmilla’s messy hair, her red eyes and her pale face.

The time had flown by with the blink of an eye, just a moment ago they had gotten into work at 9 in the morning now the clock read 7:30 the next morning.

It seemed rather early for Carmilla to even be out of the house, but putting two and two together LaF realized something had to be invariably wrong.

They had been so engrossed in the evidence uncovered from Joe DeLucci’s house raid, they didn’t want to jinx anything but there was definitely enough material here to fully indict Vordenberg. It was worth staying up all night even though their mind was on Perry the entire time, they could at least do this.

Taking Vordenberg down was all that mattered at the moment. Maybe it wouldn't fix their marriage but it would let LaF get even for everything that snake of a man had done to Perry. It was consuming LaF, their thoughts were always filled with ways they would kill Vordenberg, or the way they would make the old man bleed.

Perry hadn’t died, but a part of her had been taken when she had gotten shot. A light had gone out of her life and LaF was intent on getting that back.

“Carmilla?” LaF blinked as they set down their notes, watching as the girl stormed into the lab, ignoring any boundaries as she dropped a series of black envelopes in front of LaF.

“I can’t keep this from you—it’s not fair to you.”

LaF looked down at the black envelopes in front of them, slowly picking them up and examining them between their fingers before shooting Carmilla a confused expression.

“Secrets are consuming my life—“ Carmilla continued her voice raspy and rough from hours of crying, “And I don’t want this to come between us any longer. I’m a shit person for keeping this from you. You can hit me again, throw me out or anything—I-I deserve it.”

LaF slowly opened each letter and examined the photos in them. An instant feeling of dread crossed their face as they slowly lifted the photo of Perry and Sarah Jane out of the last envelope, swallowing hard around nothing.

They had never seen Carmilla in this state before, so clearly begging for forgiveness and in this state of defeat. Carmilla was the strongest person LaF knew, hands down. This new Carmilla bolted LaF into an entirely different mindset.

Carmilla stood in silence, her heart pounding in her ears as she gripped the side of the lab bench, waiting for LaF to strike out and hit her.

Her personal and work life was hanging by a thread at this point. A very thin thread that was always moments away from snapping.

LaF just stared at the photos in their hands, shaking slightly unaware if it was anger, fear or both. Carmilla couldn’t bare the silence, you could hear a pin drop it was like a silent black hole.

“Laura—She’s been in contact with Vordenberg's son this entire time…she—she kept it from me, and…I’m _so_ sorry, LaFontaine. I don’t know how I could have done this to you. I’m the reason Perry got shot, I’m the reason Kirsch’s car exploded…I-I’m the reason for _everything._ ”

Carmilla’s cracking voice was cut off as LaF stood and wrapped their arms without hesitation around her. They held on with a vice grip. Carmilla returned the gesture without a word, squeezing her eyes shut as her world fell apart again.

“ _I’m so sorry_ …”

Carmilla’s eyes were getting blurrier as the tears started to emerge again, surprising the detective because she was positive she had no tears left to cry.

There was no room left inside LaF for hate or anger to manifest. There was no time to turn against those that they had left. There was no time for LaF to be mad at Carmilla. There was no anger in their body for Carmilla Karnstein, there was only love.

There was a guilt that ran deep within LaF that they knew Carmilla felt even more so than them. The broken figure of their adopted sister in front of them was enough for LaF to set everything aside.

There was no greater hurt than the pain from your partner. LaF knew that of all people. All those countless nights they had broken down Carmilla’s door, drunk off their ass and slurring about their marriage, they had lost count over the past two years about how many times they had woken up on Carmilla’s living room couch.

Through everything she had been their rock, even when LaF had done everything they possibly could to insult Carmilla and her marriage she had stayed put, unwillingly to give up on them. Maybe it was some sort of suspended sense of repayment Carmilla felt she owed LaF, but regardless it didn’t feel like that.

It was genuine _love._ If someone tried to tell LaF that Carmilla wasn’t their sister then they would fight them on the spot.

After all the things thrown their way; the dissolution of their marriage, Perry’s accident, it was time for LaFontaine to be there for Carmilla.

In all of the overwhelming things happening everyone had sort of forgotten about the emotions of one Carmilla Karnstein. Not this time, LaF wasn’t going to let her fade out. They were going to keep Carmilla alive. 

 

—

 

_ “I think we should tell people right away,” Laura said, fitting an earring into her right ear. _

_ “Tell people what?” Carmilla was still in bed, her back against the headboard as she watched Laura waltz around the room getting ready. _

_ Stopping all of a sudden, Laura propped her hands on her hips and observed Carmilla’s position. “Are you going to get dressed?” _

_ “Yes,” Carmilla answered, crossing her arms over her chest. “Tell people what?” _

_ “About the enagement, obviously!” Laura replied, moving again towards the closet as she held up her hand, the large rock on her finger glinting. _

_ She hadn’t really thought about telling people - she had been too focused on dealing with the news herself and enjoying her fiancee to think about actually telling people. But now that Laura mentioned it, her palms itched to grab her phone. “Yeah, why right away?” _

_ “A lot of reasons,” Laura said, coming back into the room and throwing a dress on the bed. _

_ Carmilla arched an eyebrow at a black dress she recognized as her own on the end of the bed. “That won’t fit you,” she commented, pointing at the outfit. _

_ “It’s for you, get dressed,” Laura ordered. _

_ Rolling her eyes, Carmilla swung her legs off the bed and stood. “Name one reason.” _

_ “It’s a big deal,” Laura answered promptly, opening a drawer in her dresser and rummaging around in it. _

_ “Well yeah,” Carmilla said, picking the dress up and observing it. “That’s why we should wait a bit and keep it to ourselves…” _

_ “No, that’s why we should throw an engagement party,” Laura argued, finding what she was looking for and stepping away to turn towards Carmilla. _

_ Carmilla laughed. “Of course we should.” _

_ They were silent for a while after that as they each went about their task of getting dressed and Carmilla thought about the reactions of their friends when they found out. “Perry’s going to freak,” she commented absently. _

_ “Mmmm,” Laura hummed affirmatively. “Probably.” _

_ “My mom will be so—” Carmilla laughed as she searched for a pair of heels to match the dress, before choking on the words and realizing what she was saying. “I mean,” she stuttered and her eyes went wide. “Nevermind.” _

_ She felt Laura freeze behind her in the room, perched on the edge of the bed, a shoe in one hand as she turned to look at Carmilla with a concerned expression. _

_The world seemed to slow down and all Carmilla could hear was the slow beat of her heart._

_Shaking her head and trying to laugh nonchalantly, she went back to her task of picking shoes out, but Laura walked into their closet and wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s waist, warm and tight as she nuzzled her face into Carmilla’s back._

_ She swallowed and looked down, pressing a hand to Laura’s arm and squeezing her eyes shut for a long, pained moment, sinking backwards into her wife’s warm body to soothe it. _

 

—

 

It’s just after 10 in the morning when Carmilla finally stops crying and lets LaF make them some tea. They sit in silence for a while, the two of them just thinking about the past few weeks. Betty comes in a few times to check on them and leave some notes for LaF but otherwise the two are pretty much left to their own thoughts.

Carmilla wants to go home and crawl into bed and into her wife’s arms. But that familiar thought is making her stomach turn right now. She just wants everything to be fucking okay but it’s as if the world is rotating and she’s running the opposite way.

Everything falls against her.

LaF’s eyes scan over their desk before they stand up suddenly, Carmilla blinking.

“The stuff we found in DeLucci’s house! We have enough evidence…I think we can fully indict Vordenberg, Carm.”

Almost knocking over her mug Carmilla practically sprinted around the lab bench as she bent over to look at the papers and evidence the lab had uncovered. Her heart suddenly picked up, her hands shaking as they lifted up each piece of evidence after another.

This was it. The battle was going to be over sooner than she thought. Like there was some weird intuition everyone had today her phone instantly lit up with Danny’s name on it.

“Lawrence you won’t believe it—“

“Me first. We may be able to get a confession out of Jeremy, DeLucci’s son, we need you and LaF down to the station immediately.”

Normally Carmilla would want to slap Danny for cutting her off but everything was coming up roses for them, nodding to LaF to get their things Carmilla spoke quickly as they headed to the door.

“LaF has so much evidence from DeLucci’s house as well, I think we’ve got something.”

She could hear Danny shuffling around on the other end of the line, both of their excitement showing a little.

“Kirsch gets discharged today, grab him and then meet us at the station.” Before Carmilla could respond Danny hung up. Turning to LaF she made sure they had everything before nodding to their NYPD vehicle.

“Let’s go get Kirsch then kick Vordenberg’s ass.”

LaF smiled widely, following Carmilla to the vehicle as they balanced all of the evidence folders in their arms, “That’s the best thing I’ve heard you say all year.”

 

—

 

They get to the hospital in under a half hour thanks to Carmilla’s maniac driving skills. LaF has to take a minute after they park to regain their composure so they don't puke all over the ambulance landing as Betty just sits in the back and chuckles. 

After they enter the hospital wing that’s all too familiar to the both of them they head straight for Kirsch’s room where he’s already sitting up on the bed ready to go with his things in ziplock bags.

The image of his arm in a sling and the bandages wrapped around his forearms and face hit Carmilla in the heart like a rock but she swallows through it, having had enough break downs for the day. Probably even the year.

Betty goes to sign the discharge papers as LaF goes to make a call to Danny, Carmilla left to wait awkwardly with Kirsch. Knowing something is off immediately he reaches out his good hand and squeezes Carmilla’s arm, raising an eyebrow.

“Long story.” She muttered, crossing her arms defensively as she bites her lip. But Kirsch wasn’t giving in that easily, nudging her side he nodded to the door.

“Betty’s probably going to talk a bit with the doctor, so I’m all ears, Karnstein.” Kirsch doesn't let up as he gives Carmilla a pointed look.

Carmilla gives him the condensed version, and watches as his eyes get wide and surprised and then full of pain for Carmilla. He doesn’t know what to say after he deciphers the sorrow across Carmilla’s face so instead he reaches out again and squeezes her arm once more.

“Laura’s got a lot of balls doing that—but she’s also smart for doing so.”

Turning her head to look at Kirsch incredulously, Carmilla raised an eyebrow at him in return and dared him to continue.

“She was trying to do the right thing, you know that. I know that…it wasn’t fair what she did, I’m not supporting that. But it could have put more of a target on you and her if she had come forward from the beginning. I’m not saying what she did was right, but maybe it was the move she had to make.”

Carmilla listened to Kirsch for once, surprised he wasn’t saying something dumb like he always did. Instead his puppy-like qualities were fading away and Carmilla could almost understand the wise words.

“It’s not about arresting Vordenberg anymore—it’s about getting justice for all the people he’s hurt.” Carmilla nodded, her face taking on a neutral tone as she retracted into her thoughts.

Kirsch watched her intently. Over the years no one had cared but Kirsch had gotten to know Carmilla backwards and forwards. Being assigned her partner wasn’t easy from the get go, he was always trying to keep up with her, but he had spent a lot of time examining her movement, her emotions, her being.

He could spend a lifetime writing a book about Carmilla Karnstein and still learn new things about her. In this moment he knew that she was truly listening to his words, something that not a lot of people did.

“It’s not about Laura lying to you in the end is it? It’s about forgiveness and giving it in a world where there is so little.”

 

—

 

“You guys get to the station, I need to get something before I head over.” Kirsch gave Carmilla a confused look as they loaded into the police vehicle, Carmilla turning to the subway.

“Trust me.” She nods at him and LaF before hurrying to the underground station. It takes around fifteen minutes but soon she makes it to downtown New York right by the One World Trade center building.

Laura’s building.

Taking a deep breath Carmilla stepped through the swinging doors of the skyscraper, her hands stuffed into her pockets as she shuffled awkwardly into the main lobby.

The Conde Nast building was huge and filled with important journalists, magazine editors, photographers and more. Carmilla had never been more out of place with her NYPD jacket on.

A few stiletto heeled women gave her the once over as they tapped along the marble flooring holding the latest copy of Vogue. Carmilla looked down as she hurried to the security desk, happy to see a familiar face as she smiled at a small chubby guard.

“Harold! How are you?”

The old man chuckled as he stood from his seat and reached over the front desk to squeeze Carmilla’s hand. Harold and Carmilla had gotten to know each other since Laura started working at The New Yorker, it had been an instant friendship between the two.

Harold had retired from active police duty about ten years prior and Carmilla had always valued his wisdom on the NYPD when she was waiting for Laura to come down and let her through the gates except lately Carmilla had struck up such a friendship with him he let her right through.

“I’m doing well, here to see Laura?” Carmilla nodded, smiling at the softness and lovable qualities the guard carried with him.

It was so mundane, his job, yet he showed up and did his job with enthusiasm and vigor every day. He was just a single person in the world, but he was apart of Carmilla’s world and for some reason watching him as she passed through the security gates gave her a renewed sense of strength.

Carmilla was a fighter. A fighter for the people of New York.

As she stood in the elevator towards the 30th floor she took a couple of deep breaths. Clenching and unclenching her fists by her sides, letting the adrenaline of the day flood her veins. They were winning now, they were all going to get through this.

Stepping off onto Laura’s floor she walked quietly to the doors, the secretary smiling at her as she turned the corner to the investigative journalism sector. Her hands were starting to shake and her adrenaline was replaced with anxiety.

She took three minutes just standing in front of Laura’s office door. Just three minutes to collect herself before she pushed open the door.

She was instantly greeted by the sight of her wife face down on her desk, hiding her head in her arms before she shot up, blinking. “I’m doing work—!”

Carmilla wanted to laugh at how equally adorable and funny Laura looked in these moments but stopped herself, pausing in the doorway as she bit her lip. “It’s just me, which I know isn’t any better, but…”

Laura blinked before she stood quickly almost knocking her chair over, beckoning her into the office. “Carm! What are you—are you okay, did something happen?” Laura swallowed, Carmilla shaking her head as she motioned for them to sit.

“I…”, Carmilla started but stopped herself, swallowing she looked down at her hands, Laura listening intently as she practically leant her whole body forward on her desk. The tension in the room becoming unbearable.

Laura knew this was it, Carmilla was coming to tell her it’s over. She would never be able to trust her again and Laura had caused all of it, she had been the one to break them completely. She couldn’t bare the thought of seeing Carmilla get up and walk through that door, suddenly Laura shot up and blurted out,

“ _Please_ don’t leave me!”

It was louder than she intended it to be and Carmilla just stared at her from where she was sitting as her voice bounced off the walls of the small office.

The past 48 hours had been the worst days of Laura’s life. She was torn between this constant need to call Carmilla and the constant need to tell herself to back off and give her space.

They had never fought like this, even in their worst times there had never been a period where they had slept separately. It was a normal thing, Laura knew that, couple’s fought all the time and didn’t sleep in the same bed but it wasn’t normal thing to Carmilla and Laura.

The emotions from the fight were still very prominent in her mind along with a constant pressure to make sure they don’t end up like LaFontaine and Perry.

She hadn’t been through anything this bad. From their fight in the living room to waking up on the couch the next morning she could barely think about what she had done. Each time she did she felt a turning in her stomach and the immediate need to cry.

Carmilla looked up at her wife, her eyes wide as she acknowledged how utterly distraught Laura looked.

It suddenly dawned on Carmilla that there were two equally broken hearts in the room. They had spent so long walking on eggshells since Perry and LaF’s break up, they had concentrated so hard on not letting their marriage end up like theirs that they forgot how to really be married.

“We're not going to end up like LaF and Perry. We're Carmilla and Laura.” Laura swallowed her voice strong and adamant, walking around her desk she dropped in front of Carmilla, her eyes desperate as she wrapped her arms around her wife’s torso. She had never seen Carmilla look or feel so small compared to herself.

Carmilla let Laura hold her as she sagged into the embrace. She didn’t have anymore fight left in her but she still had a job to do and people to arrest.

“Please tell me everything you know about Theodore Straka,” she breathed as her voice broke the silence. Laura took a deep breath as she nodded against Carmilla’s shoulder.

“Okay, come with me.”

—

 

An hour later the two stood outside of Theodore Straka's townhouse. Carmilla didn't even believe neighborhoods like this existed in New York but the city was full of new surprises everyday. Just standing on the sidewalk made Carmilla feel out of place, she wouldn't be surprised if the pavement cost more than her apartment.

"He can tell you everything you need to know better than I can." Laura nodded to the door as she took Carmilla's hand, the two of them walking up the steps to the house as she used the knocker. 

They only had to wait a few beats before Theodore opened the door. Carmilla finally had an up close look of the man as he stood in the doorway just dressed in slacks, loafers, and a button down. Even though he was dressed down his very posture exuded luxury. He had dark slicked back hair and beautiful tanned skin. He didn't look like Baron Vordenberg at all, that was probably a good thing.

Instead he looked very much like his late mother. It was a sort of creepy feeling Carmilla had in this moment, she had gone through countless photos of Vordenberg's family in the earlier parts of the case. She had pretty much witnessed Theo's whole life through photos. He had always been at the center of his father's family photos.

The two appeared to have a close relationship which made Carmilla wary. His other siblings didn't appear to get the same privilege he had of being Vordenberg's favorite.

"Theo, thank you for taking my call--I'd like you to meet my wife, Carmilla Karnstein."

Sticking her hand out automatically Carmilla felt his hand grip hers in a friendly shake as he nodded to her, "Detective Karnstein, it's great to finally meet you, I'm Theo Straka."

Stepping back from the entrance he ushered them inside before closing the door. Laura cut right to the point, still holding Carmilla's hand. 

"Theo the court has enough evidence to fully indict your father, but we need your part of the story to solidify it, and we need it now. Your words could be the ones that put him away for good...You can finish this." Laura looked at Theo, the two exchanging a silent conversation with their eyes which was making Carmilla a little uneasy.

She opened her mouth to break up whatever was going on before Theo cleared his throat.

She blinked as Theo nodded without hesitation and led them into his living room. Photos of his mother were spread out everywhere in the large living room, along with his photos of his siblings, particularly his younger brother and sister. Carmilla noted the absence of Vordenberg in all of the photos.

As they all took seats, Theo sitting across from them in an armchair, Laura and Carmilla situated on a couch, there was an awkward pause before Laura took out her recorder and notepad.

"How do I know your wife won't arrest me for what I'm about to say?"

Laura looked over to Carmilla, the taller woman raising her eyebrows. "You don't know, so get talking rich boy," she gritted out, crossing her arms. She didn't have time to play games. 

Laura bit her lip as she silently chided Carmilla with her eyes, turning to Theo to apologize before he tossed his head back in laughter. "I like her. I can see why my father would hate you and I like it."

Carmilla relaxed a little at that as she rolled her eyes, waving her hand for him to continue as Laura pressed record.

Theo cleared his throat, glancing around the room before starting.

"I went to college thinking I would be following in my father's footsteps. I'd be the next Wall Street monster, I'd make him proud and one day take over his firms—there was nothing else I wanted more than to make him proud, my entire life was spent being the golden boy."

Laura listened intently, scribbling things on her notepad.

"After I graduated I started at the firm like all was planned, it was good for a while, I was working my way up and being his favorite child didn't hurt either. It wasn't until the summer after I graduated that I drove out to the family summer home in Cape Cod with my current girlfriend...I didn't know my father was going to be there that weekend, when I walked into the kitchen I witnessed my father shoot the brains out of a former colleague of his. The man had been like my uncle growing up, but apparently he had left my father's firm and was threatening to reveal his secrets."

Theo paused, looking down at his legs as he picked at the invisible dust on his pants before continuing, 

"I had no idea what to do, my girlfriend had witnessed it and without a second passing my father shot her through the head on the spot...he threatened to shoot me if I told, he made me help his henchmen drop their bodies into a nearby river..."

Laura gasped, her eyes widening as Carmilla spoke exactly what she was thinking, "The disappearances of David Schultz and Ashley Jameson...everyone said they had run off together and had had an affair...I saw you give a speech about her disappearance." Carmilla's eyes flicked to Theo's as he fiddled with his fingers.

"That's what my father had his minions orchestrate, he made it look like they had run off together like two star crossed lovers so he could explain both of their disappearances. He even had David's car driven into a lake upstate so it looked like they had crashed and died."

Shaking his head Theo took a shaky breath, unable to look at the two women in front of him.

"It all made sense from then on. My mother's death, all of the men that came to my father's summer home and never came back. From that day forward I was apart of the scheme, and I hated myself more and more everyday because of it."

Theo paused, gesturing to a photo of his mother by the grand piano that sat in the corner of the living room,

"I changed my last name that week from Vordenberg to Straka, my mother's maiden name. I contemplated killing myself so my father couldn't do it first but I stayed...I stayed so I could overthrow him —for years I planned his demise, I-I even committed a lot of illegal fraud and embezzlement within his company so I could have more leverage to destroy him, but he would always catch wind of something happening and stamp it down. A lot of innocent colleagues of mine died because of the things I did to try to destroy my father, yet he never suspected me...I carry their deaths on my shoulders everyday."

Carmilla inhaled sharply, a pain jumping up in her chest, reaching out she grabbed Laura's hand tightly in hers. This was what she had wanted to hear from the beginning. Cold hard proof. But now that she was getting it, the information complicated everything else and made her head spin. The end wasn't as close as she had thought.

"So why didn't you turn him into the police?" Laura asked, biting the end of her pen as Theo shrugged, "I couldn't or else he'd hurt my siblings, this man is ruthless Laura. He would shoot all of his children in a line without flinching if any of them so much as attempted to cross him."

"Fuck," Carmilla choked without meaning to speak out loud. Theo nodded, his lips in a firm line.

"I was right onto his tail, I thought I had it and I was so close to taking him down two years ago until I met Sarah Jane Wilde..." Theo stopped and turned his head to look out the window. The rain had started again and was falling harder than usual. It beat against the large glass panels as he remained fixated. Without taking his eyes away from the window he spoke,

"We fell in love. We fell so deeply in love, but by that point she was already married to my father. We started having an affair, I was so in love with her I no longer cared about overthrowing him anymore, all I wanted was to be with her," He paused and clenched his fists hard, "but even he had taken that from me."

Carmilla stared at Theo, everything suddenly falling into place for her. She felt the man's heartbreak, she felt it so deeply in the way he tensed his muscles and clenched his fists. He had fallen in love and his father had taken everything from him.

"We were meeting up one day in one of my father's towers when a guard caught us..."

"Dylan Phillips..." Carmilla spoke without hesitation, Theo nodding his head but still not turning to look at her or Laura.

"We paid him off easily with a diamond bracelet he could sell. Two weeks later his body showed up at the bottom of the Hudson River. My father then came to my house that night and told me he'd known of the affair the entire time...he didn't care because it was just another way of him being able to manipulate me, by threatening the safety of Sarah Jane. I was his puppet once again."

Laura squeezed Carmilla's hand hard, checking her recorder as she scribbled more notes on her notepad. If this story didn't get her 4 weeks of paid vacation from Callis then she was going to kill Vordenberg herself.

"He was the one orchestrating the 'China Town Murders', he controls all of the organized crime in the city, it was like a cake walk for him. He killed Dylan Phillips then he had a series of random people in the area killed to cover it up. He did it to show me that he's the one that keeps the secrets, no one else." Theo laughed bitterly, clenching his jaw. 

"He killed those innocent people to control me, to send a message to me that he was the one always pulling the strings. The man that was arrested and put away for the murders was just another rat of my father's. He does this, so he never takes the fall for anything he pays incredibly large sums of money to criminals to get put away for certain amounts of time. He promises them a comfortable life when they're out of jail, it's how he's able to do all the things he does without getting caught. I knew then that if I was ever going to have a life with Sarah Jane I needed to get rid of him first."

Carmilla was in a state of shock, all she could do was sit there as she listened to the truth flood the room like a wave. It felt like ice water was being poured down her back and all she could do was become so paralyzed by it.

"I didn't sleep for months, all I did was work and work to undermine him slowly, I moved around funds, committed more fraud so his company would go under because without his firms he was nothing. I didn't stop, I wasn't going to until he was gone. I've never hated anyone more, but I had to stay on his good side somehow because that was the only thing to my advantage. Then it finally happened, I had the power to terminate his firms and lock him away, that's the day he murdered Sarah Jane. After that I stopped, I didn't know what the fuck to do, so I closed myself off. He won."

Theo finished, finally turning to look at the shaken faces of Carmilla and Laura. He folded his hands in his lap, Laura reaching out with a shaky hand she finished the recording, gripping it in her hand. "Theo, I don't...I don't know where to start."

Carmilla stood, her hand automatically going to the handcuffs on her belt before her phone buzzed erratically. Seeing Kirsch's name on the ID she answered, 

"What is it, Kirsch?"

"Karnstein, we're at Vordenberg's house to make an arrest and he's vacated-probably got a tip off. We have to track him down now, get the fuck down to the station ASAP."

"We'll be right there." Hanging up she turned to Theo, Laura gathering her things. "Your father's made a run for it, you're our secret weapon now."

Theo stood with them, his face stern and determined. "I know exactly where he is."


	17. Splitting At The Seams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sad this story is slowly coming to a close but I'm excited for everything to happen! I'm heavily considering writing a sequel, or something else in this universe. 
> 
> I have more ideas for Carmilla fics so I'd love to hear what you guys would like to see from me next xx
> 
> trigger warning: this chapter contains gun violence
> 
> No One's Gonna Love You - Band of Horses

—

 

Thunder claps in the distance as Carmilla makes her way down the street, the rain feeling cold and biting against her face. They had taken Theo’s car to the station and she had left them with Kirsch and Danny but realizing LaFontaine had gone back to the apartment she volunteered to go get them.

Laura had been a mess when she had left, shock and fear all over her face as she kept trying to piece together everything Theo had told them along with the evidence that LaF had found.

She realized that Perry had been home alone all day and a wave of guilt grips her stomach. Well, actually, she wasn’t completely alone Carmilla had made sure their apartment was completely covered in guards but still.

Two cops outside the apartment, one outside the door and two in a car on the street was reassuring enough that she felt she could leave, but she still felt bad Perry was pretty much a prisoner in their apartment.

So here she is, walking briskly through the rain to the subway back to her place, her hands in the pockets of her coat and her hair plastered to the sides of her face, soaked from the rain. For whatever reason, she's hyper aware of the gun in the holster on her belt, the way it presses into her side and they way she can feel the heaviness of the object.

It's paranoia. She knows it is, but it doesn't stop her from wanting to grab at the weapon, hold it out in her hand, safety off and ready to shoot at anyone that threatened her. She takes a deep breath and keeps her hands in her pockets as she takes the steps underground and out of the rain.

The station is relatively empty when she gets there, just a few night commuters and some homeless people lingering in the station's dry warmth. Compared to the zoo this place becomes at rush hour, it's practically deserted. The lights are dim and the place smells like old rain-soaked sewage.

She kind of loves the emptiness, she finds it comforting even as her nose wrinkles up at the stench. Warm air blasts from the subway tunnel and washes over her face as she strokes wet hair off her forehead, shaking her coat out, trying to get dry. The sound of her boots stomping on the ground is the only sound in the station.

She almost doesn't notice him. Almost. But paying attention to her surroundings, noticing small details, picking out criminals from a crowd are all skills she lists on her resume. It's what makes her a great detective, what made her the youngest one on the force.

The lights in the station flicker as she steps up to the platform to wait for the next train, the tips of her shoes creeping up to the yellow warning strip on the edge.

It's like the itch she felt after Perry’s accident and before Kirsch’s car exploded, the one starting at the back of her neck and creeping down her spine. Her whole body tenses as she feels it and her shoulders creep upwards as she realizes what it means.

She tries to force nonchalance through her muscles, keeps her body still and wills herself not to spin around wildly. Instead, she pulls her phone out of her pocket with her right hand, slides the lock screen open and presses a few buttons at random before putting it to her ear. Her left hand clenches and releases, desire to palm her gun racing through her.

She spins then, as if trying to find shelter to make a quiet phone call and walks up to a board displaying all the train times. Her eyes dart around the station casually, trying to place the source of her sudden itch.

That's when she spots him, standing on the other edge of the platform and staring right at her, a maniacal smile on his lips. Baron Vordenberg.

Her phone nearly drops out of her fingers as her eyes go wide and her stomach turns over, but she manages to quickly put it in her pocket, reaching for her gun with her other hand at the same time and turning towards Vordenberg, a shout about to leave her lips.

He lets out a barking laugh before she can yell at him, the sound echoing loudly across the station before he turns and walks, straight up the stairs and out of the station.

It doesn’t register with Carmilla that he’s not wielding his usual walking cane and the old man is actually making quick movements for being his damn age.

She only hesitates a second before her hand is taking out her gun and she's running right after him, sprinting up the stairs and back out into the rain.

Her coat flaps open as she reaches the top of the stairs and the rain is obscuring her vision as she tries to find him on the dark street. She twirls around, her eyes squinting against the rain until she makes out a dark figure, walking quickly down the road. She takes off again, her legs pumping hard and fast, her hand tight around the grip of her gun.

It feels like she’s chasing a mirage, maybe she is seeing things but her legs won’t stop.

But he's nowhere to be seen. She lost him. Her gun feels heavy where it's hanging at her side. She readjusts her grip, her fingers slick from the rain.

She turns around and glances up, eyes roaming the wire ladders on the sides of the alley, trying to make out a figure climbing them but there's nothing, not like the old man could get up there but just incase. 

Both of her hands grab her gun as she walks slowly down the sidewalk, eying the few cars on the street to see if he's in one or behind one, but it's to no avail. He's gone. She walks back into the alley and frustration floods through her.

Her back hits the brick wall behind her and she sags into it, trying to catch her breath and calm her nerves. She fucking lost him if he was even there to begin with. She pushes off the wall and spins around, kicking out violently against the bricks in frustration as tears nearly leave her eyes. Her chance to end it and she fucking lost him. Fuck.

She puts her gun back into the holster and wipes a wet hand against her eyes. Fuck. Her legs ache from the short chase but it's nothing against the pain in her chest knowing she just fucking lost Vordenberg.

The walk back to the subway is long and cold.

 

—

 

LaFontaine nods to the two guards standing outside of the apartment, their bag heavy on their shoulder with the weight of DeLucci’s evidence they put the key in the lock and step inside before shutting it. 

The apartment is mainly dark for the most part and they feel bad for having left Perry here all day. They hear footsteps shuffling round the corner as Perry gruffly limps into the living room, throwing a newspaper onto the couch as she throws her arms up.

“Well, I’m finally graced with someone’s presence! It’s like I’m a fucking fugitive here or something.”

Dropping their bag by the coat rack, LaF gently shakes their coat of raindrops as they toss an apologetic face in Perry’s direction.

“I’m sorry Per, we had a huge break in the case and now we’re working on arresting Vordenberg…” Perry’s eyes went wide as she had to grip the back of the couch to stay balanced on her bad leg.

“They’re making an arrest?! Why didn’t anyone call me?!”

LaF wanted to chuckle at the classic Perry attitude coming through but all they could do is shake their head, coming to help her sit down on the couch. “Kirsch went to make an arrest but Vordenberg got wind and made a run for it. We’re about to go on a chase.”

Perry looked at LaF with wide eyes, shaking her head wildly as she spluttered for a few moments before grabbing LaF’s hand without hesitation. “No—LaFontaine, you are not going out there!”

LaF sighed, letting Perry hold their hand as they relished the feeling of her hand in theirs. “I have to Per, I’m the lead forensic on this case, the whole team is going—I have to be there when we get that rat…I want to see the pain on his face…”

LaF didn’t realize how hard they were squeezing Perry’s hand, almost as if she were a lifeline, and in that moment she really was. There was no other way that LaF could describe this to Perry, this ultimate need for revenge, to make Vordenberg bleed.

“LaFontaine, that’s ridiculous. I think the NYPD can handle arresting an 85 year old man, you don’t need to get involved this isn’t your problem—“

LaF stood up, shaking their head as they dropped Perry’s hand, pacing a little in front of the couch,

“You’re wrong, you’re so wrong. It is my problem, it became my problem when he came after _you.”_

Perry inhaled sharply, emotions rolling off of LaF’s body like boulders as they tried to convey to her the incredible pain that Vordenberg had brought into their life. Looking down at her hands Perry swallows, fiddling with the bandages around her wrist.

“I left you, I left us…I deserved it—“

“Don’t you dare say that, Perry. You did nothing to ever deserve this.” LaF’s voice was harsh and serious but not meant to hurt her, just to make her understand. The two looked at each other, reading into the depths of the other’s eyes with intensity.

“We both broke us,” LaF finally admitted, sagging into the couch next to Perry. They sat in silence, the absence of sound enveloping the room in an ironic way.

It was the silence that had gripped their relationship.

The silence their relationship had succumbed to.

Perry finally spoke after what felt like an eternity, her voice shaky as she bit her lip, “I didn’t want to talk about us—I wanted to run away from it after I got shot…because,”

She paused, looking at LaF’s face as they listened, hanging onto every single word falling from her mouth, “I was afraid the only reason you’d want me back was because I almost died…I didn’t want our relationship to be rebuilt on guilt.”

LaF’s face softened, their mouth at a loss of words as they stared at Perry, the validity of her statement resonating with LaF and everything they’ve been through in the last few months. Their eyes catch the time on the wall clock by the front door as they blink.

“Shit, I have to be at the station—“, They don’t want to stop talking, in fact that’s all they want to do. They could care less about Vordenberg right now, all they want to do is listen to Perry because giving her the chance to speak now was two months too late.

“I’m coming with you.” Perry tugged on LaF’s arm as she gave them a determined look, LaF shaking their head instantly as they looked at Perry as if she were insane.

“We have so much to talk about, and that’s all I want to do right now,” LaF explained, trying to get their bearings together. “But you can’t come with me Per, I need to know you’re here safe.”

They were finally hearing everything Perry was thinking and they were finally able to talk but the timing couldn’t be more off. It hurt LaF to say it,

"Nothing's changed," LaF gets out with a choke, Perry moving away from them slightly, the movement causing a shot of pain to shoot through them, “You still left me."

They see Perry’s protest start and keeps talking before it can get out. "Yeah, you stayed away because you dropped your cell phone down a sewer, but you still left, Per…”

"You couldn’t tell me why you married me," Perry challenged, looking more hurt as the sting of the memory hits LaF all over again.

"You wanted to leave. You wouldn't have left if you didn't want to," LaF argues, feeling their chest squeeze as all the feelings of abandonment come back to them.

“I felt abandoned long before I stepped out that door,” Perry’s voice was soft as she practically whispered it to LaF, tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

"I didn't want to leave," Perry choked out.

"Then why did you?"

Perry doesn't have an answer for that right away, she sets her hand on LaF’s knee and looks ahead. “Sometimes you just have to walk away to see if the other person comes with you—to see if they really want to be with you.”

It feels like their heart is being slowly clawed out of their chest but they listen to Perry, understanding her words. “I didn’t go after you,” LaF whispered as they looked down at her hand on their knee.

Shaking her head Perry sighed, biting her lip as silence filled the room once more. Suddenly it hits LaFontaine like a bus.

All they wanted was Perry. All they needed was Perry.

They had spent too long being mad at her and the dissolution of their marriage that it didn’t dawn on them that this was a two way street. It’s always been a two way street but LaF had ignored that.

They closed the space between them and put their lips to Perry’s shoulder, closing their eyes as they inhaled the scent of Perry’s skin.

"I love you," they whispered. Perry closed her eyes, her grip on LaF’s knee tightening as she listened this time.

“Perry, I loved you before I even knew what love was.”

LaF smiled at the memories pouring back into their head; of nights spent falling in love with one Lola Perry, early mornings memorizing every inch of her face while she slept, and evenings cuddled beside one another, telling each other things that no one else knew but them.

“I want you and I want a family—I want you and I want us to grow old together with a bunch of kids, I won’t let fear control me anymore. I won’t let it win. I was terrified and it manifested into me shutting you out…I was a real fucking jerk, and I hurt the most important person I’ve ever had in my life. I’ve never wanted anything more but you and _us_.”

LaF swallowed, almost choking on their words again as they lifted their head to look at Perry’s face.

"I love you so fucking much it's ridiculous. When you left it killed me, it absolutely killed me. So if you're going to leave again, if you don’t want this, I need you to tell me. I need you to do it now."

Perry shakes her head, turning to cup LaF’s face in her hands as she rests their foreheads together. Her eyes close automatically as tears fall freely down her cheeks.

“Life is crazy right now, and I need for us not to be,” she whispered, still holding firmly onto LaF’s cheeks, her thumbs stroking their jawline.

"You were the most important thing in my life," Perry says and LaF closes their eyes briefly at the “were” part.

"Per," LaF tries to interject, not totally positive they want to hear the rest of this argument.

"No, I just need," Perry gets out before stopping and looking straight at LaF. “When you couldn’t tell me why you married me it shattered me, LaFontaine. It utterly destroyed me.”

Reaching over to wipe a tear away with their thumb they sigh. They feel like punching someone as the memory of that night comes back to them, slicing through their gut and taking the air out of their lungs.

“We were together for so long I just figured you—you had had enough of us and me.” Perry looks away, untangling herself from LaF as the two sit beside each other before LaF gets a message on their phone that Carmilla is waiting outside.

“I’ll never have enough of you. Ever.”

Desperation creeps into their voice at the lack of time and LaF clenches their jaw for a moment against the feeling. “I-I won't be able to handle it again, if you leave, so I need to know now instead of later.”

Perry opened her mouth to speak but LaF shook their head quickly, cutting her off.

“Just think about this, okay?” LaF gestures to the open space, not really sure what they’re referring to but Perry gets the idea as she nods her head in affirmation.

Standing LaF shrugged back into their jacket and headed to the door, opening it they turned to take one more glance back at Perry, their hand on the knob.

In the end this was for Perry, this was LaF taking down the one person that almost took the most important person in their life from them.

“Be safe,” Perry speaks softly, clasping her hands in her lap as LaF nods and tries to give her a reassuring smile.

“I always am.”

 

—

 

_ It was late by the time she got back to the apartment and the place was shrouded in darkness, only the noise of Rex’s collar tags clinking against each other breaking the silence.  _

_He blinked sleepily at her from his bed in the living room before licking his lips and putting his head back down. She smiled briefly at the sight before flipping the light on in the kitchen and heading to the fridge._

_She threw her coat on the counter, her keys, phone and wallet following. Her head rolled back on her neck as she tugged a finger in her uniform collar and opened the fridge, eyes roaming over its contents for what she was looking for._

_The beer was cold in her palm and the sound of the cap twisting off made her sigh involuntarily. She took a long sip and felt the liquid settle in her stomach as she leaned back against the edge of the counter._

_Her hand rested instinctively on the gun at her hip but when the cold metal grazed her wrist she jerked upwards, nearly choking on her beer. She mentally chastised herself for being such a pansy, but set her beer on the counter, rested both her hands on cool marble and took a deep breath trying not to think of what had happened that night._

_But the memory wouldn't leave her and she knew even the beer wasn't going to help. So she abandoned the kitchen and headed back to the bedroom, starting to get out of her clothes._

_Laura was in bed when she got there, spread out on her stomach, her hand palm down on sheets of Carmilla’s side. She expected the sight to calm her, to put her at ease, to help her breathe easy but for some reason it did the opposite, made it harder to force air out of her lungs and squeezed her heart to the point of pain._

_She felt tainted, and dirty and the last thing she wanted to do was slide between the sheets next to Laura._

_She undressed anyway but couldn't seem to move her feet in the direction of the bed, just ended up standing beside it staring down at light brunette hair, spread out in all directions on the pillow._

_Laura must have sensed her presence on some subconscious level because after a few minutes of just staring, the blonde turned over onto her back and opened sleepy eyes to see Carmilla._

_“Carm? What are you doing?" Laura blinked up at her and licked her lips, reaching a hand out in invitation._

_Carmilla took a deep breath and forced herself to slide in beside her wife, tugging the sheets over both of them and burying herself deep into the pillow._

_But Laura was pretty much an expert at all things Carmilla Karnstein so instead of snuggling into her side and falling back into sleep, Laura pulled Carmilla over by her arm until she was basically on top of her wife, her face in Laura’s collar bone and Laura’s hands stroking down Carmilla’s back._

_"What's wrong?" Laura whispered into the darkness._

_Carmilla ran her teeth over her bottom lip before answering. She wanted to lie, denial was right there on the tip of her tongue. But she didn't really like to lie to Laura, didn't like how it felt._

_Laura would know, or course, right away, that she was lying, but the blonde girl wouldn't say anything about it, wouldn't push Carmilla if she felt something was seriously wrong._

_And that, really, was the worse part - Laura’s awareness that she was lying. It always made her feel like such an asshole and she didn't think she could handle that tonight. So the truth came out instead._

_"I shot someone tonight." The words came out low and under her breath, spoken into the soft skin of Laura’s neck._

_Laura didn't say anything, but Carmilla knew her girlfriend heard her, could feel the reaction in the tense muscles underneath her._

_Fear gripped her by the throat and she could still feel the recoil of her gun in the muscles of her arms, could still see the way the other guy flew back with the bullet, how blood poured out of his chest and she could still feel the way his life bled out of him under the palms of her hands. If Laura was ever going to walk away from her, it'd be now._

_It was the first time she had ever shot her gun outside the range, first time she had watched a bullet pierce someone's chest, the first time she had killed someone._

_Most detectives and officers could go their whole career without discharging their weapon, most cops never shoot a criminal much less actually kill them and here she was, only two years on the job, still wet behind the ears according to most of the veterans on the force and she had blood all over hands._

_Before Carmilla’s thoughts spiraled out of control, Laura turned to face her and pressed her lips onto Carmilla’s head, whispering, "I love you" into her hair._

_It pierced through her, right into her gut and all of a sudden, pain, guilt, sadness blended together and turned to anger. "How can you even say that?" Carmilla hissed. "I killed someone tonight."_

_She moved to get up out of bed, unable to give herself the privilege of snuggling Laura,_

_But Laura wrapped strong arms around her and held her down, pressed their bodies together and merely repeated the words. "I love you."_

_Carmilla sagged into the body under her and sighed, love replacing her guilt._

 

—

 

The walk back to the precinct isn’t awkward but it’s quiet. Carmilla knew something had happened with Perry the minute LaFontaine had appeared in the doorway, but she didn’t press on. Her mind was too occupied by Theo’s confession.

When they got to the station Carmilla noted she had never seen the place in such disarray as this. NYPD vehicles were being dispatched like crazy, Belmonde was at the front desk barking orders to various officers and people.

This wasn’t just about arresting Vordenberg anymore this was trying to get every single snake he controlled in the city.

“Karnstein, where the fuck have you been?” Belmonde growled as Kirsch emerged from his office with Laura, LaF interrupting Carmilla’s excuse, “Sorry chief, it was me.”

Belmonde eyed LaF before nodding and pointing to the documents in front of her, everyone gathered around suddenly.

“Mr. Straka has instructed us to Vordenberg’s whereabouts in an area a little outside of the city. Our plan of attack is simple, we need to surround the place and arrest anyone on the premises. No doubt there will be plenty of Vordenberg minions crawling around.”

Carmilla nodded, picking up the sheets of information that Theo had given them, she scored through them, not missing a detail as her hand went to her gun absently.

“We’ll dispatch in a few minutes,” Belmonde nodded to Carmilla and Kirsch before hurrying away to bark more orders.

Carmilla looked to Laura standing on the other side of the table, setting the papers down slowly. She somehow still hurt from their earlier fight but it was slowly dissipating into anxiety and fear.

“This is it,” she breathed, Laura biting her lip as she shook her head. “I’m coming with you.”

Carmilla wanted to laugh at how ridiculous of a statement that was but she couldn’t all she could do was scoff. “You know you’re not going to do that.”

Laura opens her mouth, a protest on the tip of her tongue before Danny walks quickly into the room, followed by none other than Melanippe Callis. Laura blinks as her boss and friend approach, Danny waving a black envelope in her hand which instantly makes Carmilla’s stomach drop.

“Just arrived for you.” Danny tossed it over as Carmilla snatched it out of the air with wide eyes.

“Ms. Callis…?” Laura inquired as she motioned to her boss, the woman looking around the room at the various faces.

“I told you to call me Mel.” The powerful woman chuckled, Carmilla too distracted with the even lope to notice the appearance of Laura’s boss.

Danny glanced between Laura and Mel, smiling slightly as LaF tipped their head to the side. “Laura, meet my girlfriend, I think you two may know each other.”

Everyone’s head snapped up to Danny as Laura gaped like a fish out of water, blinking as Mel giggled and leaned into Danny’s side, shaking her head. “We didn’t want to tell people just yet with everything going on, we’ve been keeping it very private…”

Carmilla tore her mind away from the envelope for a second to register everything that Danny was saying. “So undatable Xena finally becomes datable…with my wife’s boss?” Danny smirked and shrugged as she looked down at Mel.

“It just kind of happened.”

Maybe it was the shock of the situation or the fact that an 85 year old psychopath was on the run that Carmilla didn’t have time to fully process the news but she was happy for Danny in that moment.

Relationships had never come easy to the hard edged lawyer, she never seemed to be able to catch a break between work and a personal life—something she had always griped about, and Carmilla had always wondered how Danny had gone so long without even a glance in someone’s direction but what mattered was that she was happy.

It was an odd pairing, but for some reason it worked in Carmilla’s mind.

Laura and LaF started to barge the two with questions as Carmilla returned to the piece of paper making her hand feel like cement.

With a deep breath she broke the seal on the envelope and hastily opened it, pulling out the familiar fancy parchment paper she scanned her eyes over the cursive writing;

_**“We’ve taken Lola Perry. If you want her to stay alive you have 24 hours. Come alone. This time is not a warning.”** _

And just like that the world stopped.  
****


	18. Come A Little Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all! I'm so sorry once again for the delay. I hope you enjoy this chapter, not too much action but I promise a lot of action is to come in the following chapters so I wanted a small bridge into that. As always thank you for reading, enjoying, sharing, etc. 
> 
> I'm excited to wrap this up and possibly consider a sequel or something like this AU. 
> 
> Fire Meet Gasoline - Sia
> 
> xx

—

 

It takes her a good ten minutes before she feels like she can get off the ground without vomitting, the rain water on her jacket suddenly weighing her down like it’s trying to drown her, dripping down her spine into her skin. 

Her legs are shaky when she stands and even when she tries to grab hold of something to steady herself she stumbles the first few steps before her legs start functioning.

“Karnstein, what the fuck?” LaFontaine’s voice breaks through her sudden shock as her eyes dart to her friend’s.

Laura is at her side instantly, grabbing onto her to try to support her faltering weight but she can't feel anything around her, not even the warm touch of her wife's comforting arms. 

"Carm, Carm what's going on?!" Laura's panicked voice is loud in her head, her throat constricts tightly as the words she's trying to accumulate get stuck coming up. All she can do is shakily grip onto the envelope which she shoves into Laura's hands. 

Later, when all is said and done, she won't remember this moment. She won't remember the way her legs burned from trying to hold herself up, or how she almost tripped over Kirsch’s bag on the ground. She won’t remember any of this because this isn’t a reality Carmilla’s in.

But she'll never forget the photos of seven squad cars on the street in front of her apartment when they got to the scene, their lights flashing blue and red across the darkened street.

Black body bags are being carted away from the steps of her apartment, the bodies of the guards that had been stationed in front of her door. Protecting Perry.

"He's got her," she pants out, her desperate eyes turn to LaF, her lungs suddenly feeling frozen as all of the color drains of out of the scientist’s face. They don't even have to know who "her" is, they already know that it's their " _her_ ".

“Vordenberg's taken Perry, he's fucking taken Perry!”

The scientist began to frantically look around for their coat, not really knowing where they were going to go, but it was going to involve gutting that old man.

“What’s going on? How do you know?” The questions suddenly came out rapid fire as Belmonde appeared in the doorway, the words bleeding together almost incoherently but Carmilla can't get her brain to stop racing and slow down, she can barely get her vision to stop blurring enough to focus on the envelope in her hand.

Carmilla felt her stomach start to turn over again and the urge to vomit is back as she processes the look on her friend’s faces.

“Where the fuck has he taken her?!” LaF’s voice cuts into her thoughts, practically screaming as they look around frantically, Danny trying to find a way to calm them down but they’re already halfway out the door before Kirsch stops them.

“Theo says he knows where Vordenberg is most likely hiding, in his summer place upstate...we've got to get going now!”

But Kirsch’s words of reassurance aren't enough right now. Nothing could ever be enough in this moment to quell the utter terror running through everyone’s veins. Even Kirsch couldn’t find a convincing face to put on.

Carmilla shook her head as it started to pound but she tried to force the pain away and tried to focus, afraid she's going to lose it soon.

LaF is looking around, the urge to reach out and strangle something so strong in their body. Just a few hours ago they had been sitting with Perry in the living room. Just a few hours ago they had felt Perry’s heartbreak but also her love for LaF.

They were fixing things—now LaF had nothing left to fix, it had all been taken from them.

"I was just gone for a few hours," Carmilla choked out, closing her eyes tightly, feeling the wind get knocked out of her like a bat had been slammed into her ribs.

Before LaF could say anything, Belmonde stepped in, telling Kirsch to get the best of the squad ready to go, before she turned to Carmilla, holding out her hand.

"As of right now you're on leave, Karnstein," she said in a gruff voice, palm turned up towards her. "Badge and gun.”

Everyone turned to face Belmonde, shocked, as she didn’t even flinch at the expression on Carmilla’s face.

"No," she bit out, her fist clenching as she stepped forward up against the chief of police. "You can't take me off this case. Not now," she tried to argue even though she should have seen this coming.

“I can, and I just did. I said one more fuck up Karnstein and you're off the case, don't make this harder than it has to be.” Belmonde bites out without a second thought as she stretches her palm out once more, Carmilla backing away.

“I can’t. I have to end this fucking mess. He only wants me to come, or else Perry could die, Chief...I _have_ to end this...” Handing the envelope to Belmonde’s hand instead of her badge and gun she waited while the chief scanned the letter.

They were in a tight fix. She was too close to the case at this point but there was no one else that could end this vicious battle. Vordenberg wasn't going to give up Perry for anyone but the detective.

More than anything right now she needed to save Perry—she didn’t care if she was the one that died doing it, but after all this she needed to follow this to the very end.

Laura bit her lip, wanting to say something but kept her mouth shut, gripping Carmilla’s arm harder she couldn’t tare her eyes away from the letter in Belmonde’s hand. 

There was no way Belmonde was going to let Carmilla go alone, and even if she did there was no way Laura was letting her go. Not now. Not ever. They had just gotten to a good place, she was going to hang onto Carmilla’s life even if it meant Carmilla resenting her further.

Belmonde scanned over the detective in front of her. Barely twenty six and already a prodigy in the eyes of the criminal justice board. She was strong willed, wouldn’t take no for an answer, and incredibly stubborn.

She sort of reminded Belmonde of what she had been like in her early days in the NYPD, it had gotten her a good kick in the ass. But it made her stronger. Every trial and tribulation was just another way of proving herself.

This is what she saw in Carmilla Karnstein right now. Her insistent need to finish this with Baron Vordenberg was not lost on Belmonde. She could sense and feel every emotion Carmilla had gone through or was going through in this moment.

She understood the girl’s struggle. It was much like her own.

“Fine. We’re going to wire you Karnstein, we’ll set up a base not far from the location and track you. Once you have a good handle of the place we’ll send troops in once we know Lola Perry is secured. Once we have her and Vordenberg then we’ll clear the place. If we’re not able to obtain the culprit, a raid might be called in.”

Carmilla nodded, Laura tightening her arms around Carmilla's waist absentmindedly as Belmonde laid out the plan for them. Every detail struck Laura like lightening and paralyzed her in fear. Just the thought of her wife not coming out of this made her entire mind shatter.

Belmonde nodded to Carmilla as she tightened her lips into a firm line. “You have five minutes before we’re sending you off.”

Turning on her heel the chief hurried out of the office, leaving everyone very little time to process everything that had just happened. Carmilla was the first to jump into action, her body was on autopilot. She didn't want to wait around and have time to process all of this because if she did then she doesn't know whether she'll be able to make it out.

“You’re not going...!” Laura’s shrill voice was the first to break the silence. Carmilla turned her head to her wife with wide desperate eyes. If anything this was the time she needed Laura to understand, understand that this is what she  _has_ to do. 

“Not alone. I'm coming with you.” LaF cut in, coming around the desk.

“LaF, Laur—“

“No, you listen to me…I just got you back, you can’t think there’s a chance I’m going to let you go _alone_ into a trap Vordenberg has clearly set up.” Laura chokes on the end of her sentence, shaking her head so violently her hair is going all over the place and in any other circumstance Carmilla would find the determined side of Laura completely endearing but it just broke her heart instead.

There was no hesitation or shakiness in Laura’s voice this time. It seemed all her anxiety had manifested itself into anger and protectiveness. She spoke with firmness and wasn’t going to let Carmilla leave the office without getting her point across.

“You’re not stepping out of this without some sort of backup, for fuck's sake you’re not going into this alone! Carm...you're my entire world, I can't just let you walk straight into your d-death...”

Kirsch tried to cut in, “She’s technically not going alone, she’ll be wired and we’ll be tracking everything,” but it was lost on Laura who just waved of his words angrily. The only person that she registered in the room was Carmilla.

“Laura, you know I have to do this—,” Even Carmilla couldn't form her own sentences correctly. The prospect of facing Vordenberg alone has haunted her dreams for the past year, that’s all she had wanted but now actually coming to face the demon she felt herself shrinking from this shadow.

“I know, I know, you have to finish this and what the fuck ever, but I’m not letting you do this! I don’t care if you grow to resent me—I’m not going to risk losing you...I c-can't...I’m going with you, or LaF is going with you there’s no argument.”

Her hands grip Carmilla’s like they were the only thing she had close to sanity at this point. Her mind was visually trying to remember the way the taller woman felt, the feel of her NYPD jacket, the smell of the rainwater mixed with the perfume she wore every day. If this was all Laura had left of Carmilla in the end she needed to memorize it forever.

The last twenty four hours were pouring into the room and into everyone’s bodies, awakening an adrenaline that coursed through their veins and while people's emotions were a mixed bag at the moment but the consistent emotions were; fear, anger, exhaustion, and confusion.

Her best friend had been kidnapped by a geriatric psychopath, her wife was about to go on a literal suicide mission, her boss was dating one of her best friends, the son of the geriatric psychopath was standing next to her, and her other friend was dealing with the fact their wife had just been kidnapped by once again the geriatric psychopath.

Nothing seemed right in these moments. Everything was a fucking crime film and Laura needed it to be done with right this second. She was going to take her wife and go back to their apartment. They were going to crawl into bed and fall asleep and when they woke up all of this will have been a dream.

Perry and LaFontaine will be okay and in their own apartment. Kirsch won’t be injured from the car that almost killed him, Danny will be off with Mel doing god knows what, but the point is everything will be okay.

The zero sleep Laura had been deprived of was finally catching up to her and her limbs weren't having it. Everyone’s exhaustion was evident on each of their faces.

Through all of the thousands of thought racing through Laura’s head Carmilla could see it all. She saw everything. She knew her wife better than she knew herself.

Reaching a hand up she cupped the side of Laura’s face, running her thumb over her cheek as she leaned in close, talking like they were the only ones in the room.

“I gotta go be a hero, cupcake, and you have to let me…” Laura shook her head, her eyes squeezing shut as tears fell from them quietly, Carmilla leaning in to kiss one away.

“I know you’re scared, I’m scared too, Laura. But I’m going to come out the other end, and when I do with Perry safe and sound, we’re all going to go to my favorite Indian place on Madison, and even though none of you like it you’re all going to sit there and enjoy it because I’m going to come out of this _alive.”_

There was no fear in Carmilla’s voice, only determination and the strength she needed to uphold for everyone else.

“You can’t come with me, LaF, you know that. But I'm going to bring back Perry, I promise, I fucking promise.”

It hurt to say and it hurt even more for Laura to hear it. There was no guarantee Carmilla was going to even make it past the threshold of Vordenberg’s lair without being shot down. But it was a risk she had to take, a risk that came with her job.

Laura grasped at Carmilla’s wrists as she tightened her small hands around them, still shaking her head as she absorbed every ounce of Carmilla’s voice in her ears.

“It’s okay…I’m okay…” Carmilla’s voice was soft as it met Laura’s ears, making her cry even more. They stayed like that for a couple of moments before Laura nodded reluctantly, biting her lip.

“Okay.”

—

 

“Follow the path Straka gave you, if we’re positive he’s there you radio in before ditching the car and we’ll set up shop close by. Remember we’ll always be on mic, even if your front mic is taken from your body or destroyed there will be a hidden one in your leg.”

Carmilla nodded, zipping up her jacket halfway, her bulletproof vest resting against her chest as she tried to calm her breathing and the rapid heartbeat banging against her ribcage.

Her hand rested on her gun holster by her side as Belmonde led her to her black car, patting her on the shoulder.

The chief looked around them to make sure no one was in general hearing distance as she muttered. “If we call in a raid we don’t have a set extraction plan for you, Karnstein. If it goes to shit you get the fuck out of there, I don’t care who you leave, you get out.”

Carmilla swallowed, nodding before she slipped into the car, Belmonde shutting the door as she patted the roof of the car. “You’ve got balls Karnstein, I hope I see you get out of this alive.”

Stepping away from the vehicle Belmonde made her way to the squad cars to follow, LaF hurrying over to the window of the car, bending down so they were eye level with their best friend.

“Bring my wife home.” They spoke with clarity and sincerity, their eyes showing unshed tears.

Carmilla nodded her promise, if it killed her, Lola Perry was coming out of this shit show alive.

Without hesitation LaF reached into the car and wrapped their arms tightly around their sister. Squeezing her with everything they had, they buried their face in her neck.

“Come home too, Karnstein, no one's done with you here yet.”

Stepping back LaF straightened up and nodded to Carmilla. Both of them not letting the other one break down right now.

With a small smile LaF lifted their hand to their forehead and saluted Carmilla jokingly, but at the same time there was an edge of seriousness to it.

It was as if they were actually giving Carmilla this salute as a show of respect for her.

Carmilla blinked as Theo was the next person to step up to her car. Clearing his throat he looked down at his hands before his dark eyes locked onto hers.

“Detective, watch your back out there. My father always has a series of tricks up his sleeve. I would go with you if I could, but Belmonde needs me to steer clear. When you get to the house make sure to abandon the car at least 100 feet away from the place. There will be henchmen in the front, go around the back and take out the two guards there. Your friend will most likely be in wine cellar of the manor.”

She listened to Theo intently, memorizing every word that fell from his mouth.

“Thank you Theo.” Theo’s face softened at the mention of his love before he reached in and shook Carmilla’s hand firmly.

Theo stepped back from the car, allowing Laura to weave around him, stepping into Carmilla’s view she wordlessly leaned into the car and crashed their lips together effortlessly.

Carmilla’s hands instinctively went to Laura’s waist, holding her there as long as they could manage. Their lips pressed together in a desperate kiss as she relished and memorized every curve of Laura’s face.

Laura stayed pressed up against the door of the car as they got lost in one another, Laura not willing to let Carmilla go just yet.

The way she tasted, the feel of her tongue against Carmilla’s as they poured everything they had into the kiss.

“It’s okay.” Laura repeated Carmilla’s earlier sentence as she pulled back from the kiss, whispering against Carmilla's lips, trying to convince herself her wife was going to come back.

“It’s okay.” Carmilla echoed back to her wife, nodding firmly as she gave a sharp squeeze to Laura’s waist before settling back into the car.

“Alright Karnstein, it’s all you!” Belmonde called through their loud speaker, Laura stepping back to join everyone else.

Carmilla gave one last look at everyone. The entirety of the NYPD were on the steps of her precinct, waving her off. Like a soldier going to war. Her wife was there, her best friends were there.

The image of the crowd standing before the detective was something that belonged at a funeral. Carmilla's funeral.

Not knowing how to proceed Carmilla lifted her hand in a small wave slash salute, nodding before she rolled the window up, pulling away from the curb as she hit the directions into the GPS. 

 

—

 

“Everybody round up and let’s go! SWAT team you move out first. My eyes in the sky lock onto Karnstein’s car. Let’s go, let’s go!!” 

Belmonde commanded the entire crowd as everyone leapt into action, it was impressive how powerful this woman was.

Kirsch started barking orders as he jumped into his own squad car with Danny and LaF joining him.

Mel was on the phone, no doubt calling in a few journalists and news reporters so they could make their way to the scene as she snapped her fingers and got into the car.

Everyone was getting caught up in their job in the moment Laura seized the opportunity as she tugged Theo aside aggressively. The man looked at her puzzled as she held a finger to her lips silently and beckoned with her head away from the crowd of officers.

“I know where they keep the bullet proof gear and weapons…You’re taking me to your father’s house right now. I’m not letting Carmilla do this alone, I don’t give a shit. I’m not taking no for an answer.”

Theo watched the woman in front of him. She was tiny, yet had such a presence it was undeniable.

"Laura, are you sure you want to get involved in this? My father is a criminal mastermind, I'm not bringing you into this mess."

Laura stopped, trying to gather her thoughts as she held onto Theo's arm. She shook her head as she stood her ground. Her mind already made up.

"She's my wife. She's...everything. There's no debate here. You would do the same for Sarah Jane. I'm going to help her with or without you."

Theo smiled, his heart hurting momentarily at the mention of Sarah Jane, before he conceded to the journalist as she pulled them inside of the station.

“Okay, but follow my lead.”

—

 

Carmilla looked at the GPS on her dashboard as she approached the Vordenberg manor in the distance. Pulling the car over to the side she radioed into Belmonde quickly as she checked to make sure she had her gear. 

She made sure the car was obscured by bushes and trees as she stepped out into the night, rain instantly clinging to her body.

It had taken her only 35 minutes to get upstate and to the area. She had been speeding like a demon, the whole time her mind had been blank. She had listened to nothing but the whir of the engine.

Tightening her jacket around her torso Carmilla looked to see the lit up manor in the distance. The lights flickered like demons drawing her into their midst. Her body was telling her to turn back and let the SWAT take care of this but her friend's life was on the damn line.

There's a few streetlights illuminating the road to the manor but the light is dim, the whole area looking abandoned and desolate, but Carmilla knows she's in the right place. She can feel it in her bones.

Reaching into the side of the car Carmilla pulled out an AK-47 firearm. She had never held anything of this size or even used one before but she knew how they operated from the many tests and exams she had been forced to take on gun knowledge, and it usually should irk her on how easy it is to obtain these weapons but that's not what's important at the moment.

The gun makes loud, mechanical noises as she checks the ammo and grabs a few more bullets from the bag in the car, stuffing them in the pockets of her coat. Honestly, she doesn't expect a gun fight or anything, but she wouldn't mind unloading about 15 clips into Vordenberg. Just to make him bleed out.

"Last chance," she muttered to herself, the rain dripping into her eyes. Thunder claps in the distance and a cold breeze brushes past her, as if it were ushering her towards the manor.


	19. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is slightly shorter! I promise the last few will be longer :) 
> 
> trigger warnings: this chapter contains gun violence + mentions of guns
> 
> xx

—

 

Weaving through the various bushes and trees Carmilla made her way up the property of Vordenberg’s manor. The steady rain falling was getting in her eyes and obscuring her vision of the building but she pushed through it, looking for the back entrance as Theo had mentioned.

There were no guards on the actual grounds of the place, it made Carmilla’s stomach drop at the prospect that Vordenberg was probably expecting her at this point.

He wanted her to walk into this trap. He wanted to kill her himself probably, but that was a satisfaction Carmilla was not going to let him have.

Following the small trail up the drive she keeps her figure hidden as best she can, seeing a narrow stone path down to what appears to be the back of the manor. Following it quickly she gripped her gun in her hands, her knuckles going white as she anticipated any minute she would have to pull the trigger.

A small door in the distance sits as the entrance to the palace like house, and when Carmilla finally gets to the door she doesn't feel fear, she doesn't feel anxiety, she doesn't feel anything but a cold calm, a certainty.

Putting her back up against the wall next to the door she pressed her palm against its surface, feeling to see if it was locked, with small surprise the door slowly pushes open at the weight of her palm.

Carmilla gently shoved it open, realizing it was unlocked and Vordenberg was definitely expecting her. Letting the finger of her other hand rest on the trigger of her gun she slowly takes a step forward.

Swinging her body fully into the basement she heard quick footsteps approaching. On reflex she pointed her gun and laid a bullet into the approaching man.

Stepping quietly through the basement among old pieces of furniture and paintings she glanced down at the dead man, taking note of his black suit and gloves, each item of clothing stamped with the Vordenberg seal.

Turning her lip up in disgust she didn’t let the guilt of killing him weigh on her for a second. Just seeing the seal and remembering Perry was somewhere in the building, suffering, in pain, and probably scared shitless—all of that mattered more over the death of one of Vordenberg’s snakes.

Vordenberg probably didn’t even know his name, let alone care if he were dead or alive. That was the point of these disposable henchmen.

Continuing through the dimly lit cavern she kept her gun pointed in front of her, half crouching as she tried to figure out the layout of the excessively large manor.

 

—

 

The motor of the car came to a silent halt as Theo turned off the car, biting his lip he turned to face Laura, the darkness surrounding the car encompassing them. 

“I see Carmilla’s car a few feet away, she must have hopped off here.” Laura followed Theo’s line of sight to see the car her wife had indeed left in sitting by the side of the road, obscured by a few bushes and trees.

“I know the walk like the back of my hand, we just need to get the things out of the back.” Laura nodded as she slipped out of the vehicle, going to the trunk and opened it to reveal the varied firearms they had absconded with from the precinct.

She was probably committing a few federal crimes right now but it was all worth it if she could help Carmilla and keep her safe. “I don’t even know the names of any of these…” She muttered, her eyes scanning over the few guns they had taken.

Theo came to stand next to her, picking up a pistol as he weighed it in his palm. “I don’t think there will be a shoot out, but we’d be safe with a pistol each.”

Laura followed his directions as she took the pistol he handed her, checking the bullets and the safety.

She was surprised of her knowledge of the pistol upon holding it in her hand, but she assumed Carmilla hadn’t taught her all those boring and unnecessary things for nothing.

Carmilla probably assumed her wife would never ever come to the point where she would wield a firearm but things changed everyday.

She wondered somewhere in the back of her head what Carmilla’s face would look like seeing her holding a gun, looking like a CIA agent in her all black attire.

She wondered if her wife would be proud, horrified, annoyed, or all three of those emotions. Probably all three.

Chuckling to herself Laura ignores Theo’s confused look as she nods to him, ready to follow. She zips up her black rain slicker, making sure it’s secure as she follows the man through the trees as he picks up markers from Carmilla’s trail.

The manor that comes into view almost takes the air out of Laura’s lungs. This was a house that belonged in Downton Abbey or some shit. It didn’t belong in upstate New York, no, this manor was something that looked like it belonged to royalty.

Theo catches her shocked expression and lets out a small laugh, pulling her forward by her arm. “I get overwhelmed seeing it sometimes too, and I grew up with it.”

“Where do you think Perry is?” Laura inquires, finally prying her eyes away from the lit up castle.

“She’ll be in the wine cellar most likely, that’s probably where your wife is too.” They stop just as the land reaches the manor’s borders.

“Are you sure about this Laura? We can turn back right now…I can get rid of these weapons and we can go to the meet point without them even noticing.”

Theo looked like he was trying to plead with Laura to back down. He didn’t want her to get into this mess, she was already somewhat in it but he felt some sort of protectiveness over her. It was probably due to the fact that she reminded him of his younger sister.

“No, I’m positive. Lead the way, Straka.” Laura tightened her hand around her gun as Theo took a deep breath and led the way towards the back of the manor. Thanks to the night sky and the rain no one could have seen them coming.

As Laura sees the door to the back come into her view she realizes it’s already open, upon further inspection it doesn’t look like Carmilla had to break into anything. Theo took a breath, stepping in through the door first.

“My father was definitely expecting her.” Laura swallows around a sudden nervous lump in her throat as she follows him, her eyes going wide as they casually step over the dead body of the man Carmilla took out earlier.

Theo acting all cavalier about it allows Laura the time to momentarily freak out before she regains her composure and follows him through the halls he has memorized. 

Making their way through the maze that is the Vordenberg manor they encounter many dead figures, Theo noting with respect how quick and sly Carmilla is with her marksmanship. Usually these men didn’t go down without a fight but it appears as if Detective Karnstein had other ideas.

Theo slows down his movements as they get to the entrance of the wine cellar, his heart beat suddenly spiking as he listens for any noise on the other end.

He pressed his ear close to the small opening at the door as Laura waits behind him before he kicks the door down, holding his gun in front of him as he enters the room.

To their surprise they find no one in the dingy cellar. Just a few racks of wine and an empty chair in the middle of the room with a note on it. Laura lets out a breath she was holding as she looks around the empty room, feeling eerily like this is some crime movie.

Theo quickly picks up the note, Laura realizing it’s the same material from the letters that were sent to Carmilla and Danny.

**_“Welcome to my home, Detective. Come find your friend in the main hall.”_ **

Theo swallowed before handing the note to Laura to read, a heat creeping up the back of his neck. “I should’ve known he would make Carmilla navigate up to the front hall. I’m sorry.”

From the looks of it it appeared Carmilla had already beaten them to the room and had already made her way up to the main hall.

Laura shook her head as she squeezed Theo’s arm reassuringly, nodding to the stairs. “Don’t worry. Let’s go up there, is there a more private way we can go so they don’t see us?”

Theo nodded towards the door quietly as they stepped out, he turned to Laura as she waited for him to move. His tan skin was pale in the dim light Laura could see him in. She surveyed his features. His arm was slightly shaking and his eyes were trying to focus on her. “Theo?”

“I’m sorry, Laura.”

She blinked, opening her mouth to inquire why he was sorry before she felt the butt of his gun collide with her forehead with a loud crack. She didn’t even have time to feel pain as her vision started blurring like a broken TV before she collapsed into the darkness.

 

—

 

Carmilla held her gun in front of her defensively, stepping up the marble stairs leading to what appeared to be the main hall. As the room came into view she took in her surroundings. 

The marble floors, the giant glass windows, the archways. It was all too grand for Carmilla. It looked like she was in the mansion from Beauty and the Beast.

The “main hall”, or so it was called, was huge in size, marble floors and archways that made Carmilla think Vordenberg had designed this to look like a Disney ballroom or something.

Yet the lavish area had a very sinister feel to it. Maybe it was the task looming over Carmilla’s head or the fact that she could die at any second.

As she stepped onto the final landing, scanning the area to make sure no one was waiting to take a shot at her she immediately saw Perry come into view.

The woman was sat in a chair much like the one in the cellar. Her hands were tied behind her back and a steak of blood was running down her head.

The image made a shiver run down Carmilla’s spine as she shook a little, rolling her sleeves up she swallowed down her own nervousness for the sake of Perry. She had to save her and get the fuck out.

Her head was hung low as Carmilla’s emotions took an angry turn, she started to run towards her, Perry’s head lifting as her face flooded with relief at the sight of Carmilla before they turned to fear, Carmilla turning just in time to take out a man running at her.

“Perry, oh my god, are you okay?!”

The German professor gave Carmilla an incredulous look, shaking the ties around her wrists. “Does it look like I’m okay? I’ve been locked up in some elderly psychopaths house! No I’m not _Okay_!”

Carmilla sighed with relief that Perry seems physically alright beside the small gash on her face, moving to untie her Carmilla freezes as she hears a familiar laugh behind her. Vordenberg.

Turning she stares as the old man rises up the steps she was just climbing, no cane with him as he holds a glass of whiskey in one hand.

“Welcome detective. I can see you met my welcoming party in the basement.” Carmilla eyed him, not lowering her gun as she swallowed. “What do you want from me? What do you want from my friends and I?”

Vordenberg shrugged, taking a sip from the glass of whiskey in his hand, running his fingers around the rim of the glass. “I just wanted to talk, can we do that?”

Carmilla tensed as she stayed next to Perry. “Why don’t you let her go and I’ll talk with you however long you want.”

Vordenberg chuckled menacingly as he walked around the floor, shaking his head as he finished his whiskey. There was a pause before he raised his hand and smashed the glass at his feet, both Perry and Carmilla jumping at the shatter.

“You know I’m not dumb detective, and I know you aren’t too. So let’s not lie to each other.”

Vordenberg snapped his fingers waiting before two men emerged from the shadows holding a chair as they placed it down a few ways away from Perry. Carmilla observed to see if the old man would sit, keeping her stance tensed.

“You must be tired from carrying around all those deaths on your back.” Carmilla couldn’t help but grit her teeth and practically spit the sentence as she clenches her fists, her right hand still closed around her gun as she lifted the safety off.

“Oh, this chair isn’t for me.” He snapped his fingers again as the men returned from the shadows, handing a large pistol to the old man as he grasped it, weighing it in his palm before he turned his eyes directly to Carmilla’s and it makes it gasp.

They’re so filled with anger and evil she feels the breath almost get knocked out of her. Blinking she moves slightly in front of Perry, raising an inquiring eyebrow to Vordenberg as he curls his snake like lips into a smile.

“It’s for your wife.”

And with that a loud crack ripped through the air, Carmilla screaming out as she felt a bullet rip through her shoulder.


	20. Young God

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as this story comes to the last few chapters I want to thank everyone who has stuck with this. Your support has meant the most to me. This fic would have not been written without all of you to encourage it 
> 
> I want to continue writing hollstein of course and I have a few ideas for upcoming fics! I don't think I've ever loved writing a hollstein AU more than this though.
> 
> Young God - Halsey
> 
> xx
> 
> trigger warning: this chapter contains gun violence

 

 —

 

Carmilla staggered back as she clutched her shoulder, spluttering her sentences as she let out a loud scream. She couldn’t hear it though, the blood that was roaring through her ears blocked out any sound as she tried to regain her composure.

“FUCK!” She screamed as she doubled over, her hand gripping her shoulder as blood started to seep through her fingers. Perry watched her in horror before she turned her attention to two men dragging a disoriented Laura over to the chair and sitting her down.

Laura looked around frantically, too afraid to speak or move but she landed her eyes right on Carmilla as the woman staggered in pain. It sent daggers down Laura’s spine and she felt her heart constrict in fear at the thought that this might be it.

She can’t believe she had trusted Theo, her instincts were so off on this one and now she had only made things worse. Now she was staring death down right in the eyes as she waited for the end to come, all she could think about was Carmilla. Her wife. Her everything. All she could think about was how they were both about to die.

Carmilla felt like she couldn’t breathe, her lungs weren’t working properly as she stared in terror into the eye’s of Laura, the two watching each other closely.

“Detective, aren’t you happy to see your wife?” Carmilla choked as she held up her gun, the two men quickly drawing their guns on her as Vordenberg just laughed. “You know that’s not how this is going to go.”

Laura blinked from where she was sitting, her head hurt like a fucking bitch and she vaguely remembers it was _Theo_ who had hit her. She started to look around for the man before he rose from the shadows with his gun outstretched from where it had shot Carmilla.

He slowly made his way to stand by Vordenberg as Carmilla looked like she was going to pass out. Her face was getting paler by the second from the loss of blood.

“Theo?!” Carmilla gritted out as she tried to decide who to point her gun at. Vordenberg or Theo, Theo or Vordenberg. Theo smiled sadly as Vordenberg placed a hand over his shoulder proudly.

“Did you really think you could trust my own _son,_ detective? Tsk, tsk. I thought you were smarter than that dear, dear Carmilla.”

Theo didn’t say anything as his father spoke, he just stared straight ahead at Carmilla, his eyes dead and no expression on his features. Vordenberg pretended to think for a moment as Carmilla tried to mentally get her bearings together and figure out how the fuck they were all going to get out of this.

Belmonde! She could hear everything! Carmilla had forgotten about the wires on her. Still holding her gun she bent down in pain once more but subtly tapped on the mic on her leg before she straightened up again, darting her eyes back to Laura as her heart clenched in fear.

“Who do you think sent you all those letters and took all those photos?” Vordenberg gestured to all around as realization hit Carmilla like a block of cement. It had been Theo this entire time. He had been the one this entire fucking time.

Theo nodded as he clenched his jaw, Vordenberg letting out a haughty laugh at the realization washing over everyone’s faces. “But Sarah Jane—“ Vordneberg shook his head with another chilling laugh.

“He never loved her, that was all a ruse to gain her trust. She was trying to overthrow me and she had to be dealt with. It was easy.” Carmilla frowned, feeling her body start to waver slightly from the loss of blood but she tried to keep her eyes intact.

“Why are you admitting all of this to me? You can't think you're going to just be able to walk away from this?” Carmilla swallowed as Vordenberg took a step towards her and shook his head. “No, I may not be able to but I will be able to kill you and everyone you love. Because you, Carmilla Karnstein, are the only thing in my life that makes everything go wrong.”

“You remind me a lot of myself, Carmilla. We’re both sharks, we take out anything in our way and we’re the best at it. We don’t sleep. We only kill and kill.”

Carmilla swallowed down the urge to vomit again but she let him continue as she watched the blood dripping from her shoulder right down to stain the perfect marble floor. She was feeling dizzy but she focused on retaining her composure as best she could.

“For years you have been locking up some of my most valued colleagues and criminals. At first I was frustrated, but now I’m just impressed at your ability. You have thwarted plan after plan of mine, but now I’m done with this game. Detective, you are the one threat to me and now you and your friends have walked right into my trap.”

“I tried to kill your friend, your partner, and now I’m going to end you all right here, oh you’ll make a great memorial photo in the police precinct…you’ll be missed by so many, even me. But sharks don’t let other sharks take what is theirs.”

Carmilla growled, taking a step forward as she dared Vordneberg to mention her wife or her friends one more time. The finger on the trigger of her gun was ready to pull and she was pointing it directly at the old man’s head.

"So why don't you stop hiding behind my wife and come out to finish it? Leave her out of this," she tries to bargain.

Out of the corner of her eye she catches movement at a back window, out of Vordenberg’s line of sight. _Please be Kirsch_ , she thinks not knowing how much more time she has to stall the old man.

"It's me you want dead," Carmilla grits out, trying to get him to focus on her and not anyone else, not Laura, not Perry. "Not her.”

“I’m not dumb, detective.”

Vordenberg turns and clicks the safety of his gun off before looking at Laura in the chair beside him, hunching over before Carmilla has a clear shot to his chest.

"But this," he continued, getting his gun ready gun and lifting it up.

"Well this is the main event. This is when I break the last pillar, the last thing holding you up, and destroy you. Just like you tried to destroy me. And guess what?" Vordenberg asks, smiling at her.

"The best part. The very best part of all of this is that you get to watch," he ends before letting out a long peal of laughter and bringing his gun up to Laura’s temple and standing upright as he does it.

Everything stops. Everything. And it's straight out of a movie scene, the way Carmilla feels time slow down around her. She doesn't feel the pain from the bullet that split through her shoulder she just feels nothing.

It's weird, because in that moment she doesn't think about the normal things. Like the fear all over Laura and Perry’s face, Vordenberg’s maniacal laughter next to her or the way the grip of her gun feels heavy in her palm.

She doesn't think about Kirsch, pulling his gun up towards Vordenberg from outside of the manor, or the sound of Vordenberg clicking the safety off on his own gun.

She doesn't think about Theo Straka standing next to his father. Even the bead of sweat dripping down her temple doesn't cross her mind and she doesn't give a second thought to that itch at the small of her back.

She doesn't think about how she’s probably going to die, and how everyone she saw earlier will be at her funeral. She doesn't think about how in this moment she’s more alone than she’s ever been before.

She doesn't think about all the missed opportunities, about how unfair life is or how these years weren’t nearly enough time with Laura. She doesn't think about earlier that night when she kissed Laura goodbye.

No, when it all slows down and she's standing, gun pointed in Baron Vordenberg’s direction and one eye on her wife, she thinks about all of the things that make up Carmilla Karnstein.

 

—

 

_ They were at Henry’s after a long day at work, nursing beers in their corner booth. They weren't drunk, but they were getting there and Carmilla was feeling a pleasant buzz enter her brain and lower her inhibitions. It was the only reason she asked the next question. _

_"You'd take a bullet for me?" Carmilla asked, glancing sideways at LaFontaine._

_They looked at her like she just asked the stupidest question they’d ever heard. "In a fucking heartbeat."_

_She took a long pull of her beer as she thought about the answer. "Me too," she responded after she swallowed._

_"I know," LaF said, kicking her leg affectionately under the table. "I know.”_

 

—

 

_ "I'm sorry," Kirsch said, soft and under his breath as they drove down Madison Ave one night during their patrol. _

_"For what?" Carmilla asked._

_He gripped his fingers harder around the steering wheel, his knuckles going white. "I should have gotten there sooner," he said after a moment._

_Kirsch didn't have to explain what he meant by that, Carmilla knew. "If you had gotten to the store sooner we'd both be shot and then I'd probably be dead," Carmilla argued._

_"If I had gotten there sooner I could have offed that guy before he shot you."_

_Carmilla thought about that. Thought about what it would have been like if Kirsch had arrived minutes earlier in that moment, when the guy had pulled his gun out._

_But all she could see was both of them going down, of Kirsch never showing up and Carmilla bleeding out in the street, dying. "You don't know that."_

_"I should have gotten there sooner," Kirsch repeated, convinced._

_"You got there when you got there," Carmilla said, turning in the passenger seat to face him. "And it saved my life."_

 

—

 

_ After Perry left and LaF realized their wife wasn't coming back, they took a week off of work. They spent the first day filling their body with as much alcohol and nicotine as they possibly could without passing out.  _

_ They spent the second day doing the same. The third day, Carmilla finally tried to talk to them. _

_“Can I help you, Carmilla?” LaF spat out, leaving the girl in the open doorway as she stumbled back to the couch. It was really Carmilla and Laura’s living room but they were in mourning right now._

_They sank back into the cushions with a grateful sigh, the smell of alcohol sifting to their nose as they unscrewed the bottle and brought it to their lips._

_"Laura and I are worried about you," Carmilla said, closing the door and walking into the living room. The detective surveyed the table full of empty liquor bottles and cigarette packs with a raised eyebrow as she sat on the chair next to the sofa._

_Even though this was her apartment she had been so devastated over Perry leaving she had let LaF make a mess of the living room however much they wanted._

_LaF rolled their eyes at Carmilla and scoffed, tipping the tequila bottle back and letting the liquid pour down their throat. At this point, they could barely taste it._

_"LaF," Carmilla admitted. "Laura is worried about you. I, on the other hand," Carmilla continued, leaning back into the chair and crossing her legs. "Told her this was typical LaFontaine behavior. You'll spend a week getting blitzed and acting like a moron and the next you'll be back at work, working into the wee hours of the night."_

_LaF ignored her, propped their feet up against the coffee table and continued to drink her tequila. Carmilla, however, remained undeterred. "What exactly is this accomplishing? You’re trashing my living room and drinking your liver into oblivion.”_

_"Well," LaF finally answered, lifting the bottle in their hands before their face. They let their eyes blur in and out on the label. "It's getting me pretty drunk."_

_Carmilla rolled her eyes and stood up. "You're useless. Sitting around here, feeling sorry for yourself. No wonder Perry left."_

_It punched them square in the chest, the alcohol and pain all mixed together in the pit of their stomach. Before they knew it they were on their feet, throwing the half-full tequila bottle against the far wall and hearing it make contact with a satisfying wet crash. Carmilla didn't even flinch._

_"She'll come back," LaF said, low and almost too soft to hear._

_"Not if you don't go and get her," Carmilla replied, turning on her heel and leaving the apartment._

 

—

 

_ "I want a puppy," Laura said over morning waffles as she tried to gobble them down as fast as she could. _

_"You want a what?" Carmilla put her coffee back down on the table, convinced she just hallucinated the last question._

_"A puppy. I think we should get one!”_

_"Where the hell did you get that idea?"_

_"Perry and I were talking-"_

_"You need to stop hanging out with Perry," she intoned, picking her coffee up again. Laura rolling her eyes at her comment before continuing,_

_"Perry and I were talking," Laura repeated firmly, glaring adorably at Carmilla’s eye roll. "And I've decided we should get a puppy."_

_Carmilla narrowed her eyes and made a mental note to smack Perry later. "A puppy?”_

_"Yes."_

_"Cupcake, we barely have enough time to take the garbage out once a week," Carmilla argued. "How do you think we're going to take care of a puppy?"_

_"Perry wants a baby," Laura stated, throwing the conversation off-track as she took a sip from her TARDIS mug._

_"What?" Carmilla shook her head to try and process the comment. "She wants a baby, but she hasn't told LaF yet."_

_Carmilla looked at her pointedly, "And you're telling me this because?"_

_"Because Perry wants a baby but they don't have time for it either," Laura continued as she tilted her head to the side in that adorable way that had Carmilla melting most of the time._

_Carmilla rolled her eyes. "Yeah, no shit. LaF works worse hours than me sometimes and sees the worst homiacides in New York."_

_"Right, so she's afraid to tell LaF about it."_

_"Good, the last thing LaF needs to worry about is Perry on some new baby-making crusade."_

_Laura ran her fork through the syrup on her plate. "I told her she should tell LaF, Carm.”_

_"What?" Carmilla leaned back in her chair and observed her wife incredulously. "Why?"_

_"She wants a baby. So she should should tell them!"_

_"No she shouldn't."_

_Laura nodded matter of factly, trying to explain. "That's what Perry said and then I told her I didn't get it."_

_"What do you mean you didn't get it? If she tells LaF then they'll definitely have a huge fight and it will all go to hell because LaF will probably end up on our couch for a week or something. Alf definitely can’t handle a child. She shouldn't tell them," Carmilla said, definitively._

_"I know all that," Laura replied. "I meant I didn't get why Perry wouldn't at least tell LaF."_

_"Cupcake, I just said why."_

_“Okay but that aside, I think we should still get a puppy,” Laura said again, stabbing her fork in another waffle with a smile._

_Carmilla pinched the bridge of her nose. "Too many conversations. Can't keep track," she mumbled to herself._

_"I want a puppy so I told you, Carm.” "You did," Carmilla agreed. "And I said no."_

_“Come on Carm," Laura said, looking forlorn. “The point is I told you. I don't know why Perry doesn't tell LaF. I tell you stuff like this all the time. I think it would really improve our mood to have a nice puppy around.”_

_"You want a puppy, Laura. A baby is like an entirely new ball game."_

_Laura smirked and rolled her eyes again. ”A puppy is a baby dog."_

_"I know I don't need to explain how that's different, Cupcake."_

_"Perry wants to start a family with LaF. I think it's cute," Laura said, stabbing another bite of waffles before stuffing it in her mouth and chewing._

_Carmilla scoffed at that. "More like gross. Lola Perry spawn," she shuddered. "Gross."_

_"It's like saying 'I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, let's have a family.' It's cute."_

_"Okay," Carmilla said, still preoccupied with Perry miniatures running around in her head. She winced when they started all speaking German in unision._

_Laura ignored her. "I want to start one with you too, Carm. Only I just want a puppy."_

_Carmilla’s body went still as the words went through her and she stared at Laura. "You want to what?"_

_"I want to start a family with you. I want us to have a puppy together."_

_It was like she just realized exactly what Laura was saying, or what she was trying to say, because this incredible warmth flowed through her and she latched on to only a few words. "You want to start a family with me?"_

_Laura tilted her head to the side, amused that that's what Carmilla was focused on. “Duh."_

 

—

 

_ They picked up their new puppy, the one Laura wanted, later that afternoon, driving over three hours to meet the breeder. _

_"He's so cute!" Laura cooed for the hundredth time since they got back. Carmilla couldn’t help it, the small terrier was pretty cute._

_"He can walk you know," Carmilla deadpanned, observing the way Laura hadn't let the puppy out of her arms once since getting home._

_"Aw, Carm’s so grumpy," Laura said to the puppy like she was speaking to a child._

_"I'm just so tried, babe. Put the puppy down and let's go to bed," she said._

_"Come on, Carm," Laura entreated. "Look at him, he's our's! We're a family. You, me, LaF, Perry, Danny, Kirsch and now Rex!”_

_Carmilla looked at her then, saw the joy and the light in Laura’s face and felt her own break out into a happy smile. "Yeah," she agreed, reveling with Laura in the moment of happiness. "He is," she said, swallowing thickly. "We are."_

_Laura walked over and pressed the sweetest kiss to her lips, Rex cuddling against Carmilla’s chest between them._

_She didn't know how to even describe the love she felt at this moment. It was suffocating her, drowning her, pulling her down without any fight from her. She couldn't breathe but it was okay because Laura was here and so was Rex and they had a family. Like a real family, something that Carmilla never knew she would ever get._

_She doesn't notice she's crying before Laura kisses a few of her tears away with a knowing smile._

_It's their small apartment in New York, with Laura holding their new puppy and Carmilla holding Laura that Carmilla Karnstein learns the real meaning of unconditional love._

 

—

 

With the last few years of her life in her head, and Vordenberg’s laugh breaking through her stream of memories, time starts up again and the sound of a gun shot splits through the entire room. 


	21. Burn A Bridge Or Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is folks! The last chapter. I will be posting an Epilogue later this weekend or early next week, so don't worry there is still some more to come. 
> 
> I don't know how to express how grateful I am to everyone that has read and enjoyed this fic. I can't even put into words how emotional it is for me to be wrapping up this fic- but this is not the end!
> 
> I believe I want to start working on a sequel or prequel for this- or another Hollstein fic but we will see, this is not the end of me writing for this. Especially with season 3 dropping soon I'm sure more ideas will be coming out of that.
> 
> You have all contributed to the life of this fic and I cannot thank you enough.
> 
> Here it is!
> 
> trigger warning: this chapter contains gun violence
> 
> xx

—

 

Carmilla has heard and seen guns go off all the time, in all kind of scenarios regarding her job. The sound of it at the range, muffled by her earphones, the pop pop of a revolver on an empty street, or the way it sounds on the screen of her TV.

The first time she ever shot a gun her shoulders recoiled so badly she almost fell over. It took weeks before the rest of the people at her precinct stopped giving her shit for that.

The first time she shot someone, legitimately shot them, she cried for hours into Laura’s shoulder. 

The first time she got shot herself, it was the most painful thing that's ever happened and it took months for her to stop flinching whenever a gun went off.

But guns are kind of, part and parcel with her job, shooting them, cleaning them, getting shot. It's all part of her life, something she's grown used to over the past decade.

The feel of the gun under her arm is comforting, so much a part of her that she's barely able to function correctly without it.

Even now, with Laura on a dirty chair and Vordenberg pointing a gun at her head she isn't feeling anything but the gun in her hand and her finger on the trigger.

When she hears the popping of a bullet break through the air she doesn't move, doesn't flinch, just aims her gun and waits for time to speed up.

She sees the bullet clearly, and it’s almost as if she has this hyper sensitive vision to weapons like this but she watches it soar through the air like a bird of death and clip right through Vordenberg’s hand that’s holding his own gun.

He screams in horror as the gun he’s holding to Laura’s head drops to the ground while he stumbles back with a look of pure pain spreading across his elderly features.

Carmilla lets out the breath she was holding, her body frozen as she watches the scene unfold before her. Laura falls to the side as Vordenberg stumbles back, tipping the chair over and scrambling away as fast as she can to help Perry whilst everyone else is distracted.

But Carmilla doesn't pay her any mind besides the fact she knows Laura is okay. She can't focus on her wife when Vordenberg is still breathing.

Before his henchmen can even make a move to shoot her, two bullets rip between their chests as they crumple to the ground, Carmilla whipping her head to see Theo with his gun smoking from shooting them.

She doesn’t have time to register that Theo just saved her life as a loud explosion wracks through her ears and the window that Vordneberg had been shot through shatters and then another window is shattering and SWAT officers are gliding through the windows like they’re in a fucking James Bond film.

She doesn’t have time to register everything that’s happening because then Lafontaine is climbing in through the window after the SWAT team and they’re running to Perry and Laura holding a damn AK-47 rifle. Whoever gave LaF a gun was definitely going to lose their job after all of this was over.

Carmilla looks back to Vordenberg lying on the ground in agony, holding his hand that is gushing with blood onto the perfect tiles below him. She feels no remorse or empathy for the old man right now, nor will she ever. How could she? The man before her has tried to take everything from her but like hell he would.

She walks over, ignoring the sound of Belmonde entering the scene with guns blazing, she can’t really hear anything around her except the beat of her own heart pounding in her ears. She leans over the body of Vordenberg and watches as he averts his pained gaze to her, his throat bobbing in agony.

She doesn’t say anything she just lifts the heel of her boot and presses it down ever so lightly into the bullet wound deep in his hand. The sharp yell of pain he lets out flowing through her with satisfaction.

She brings her gun up again, breathes deep and points it at his thigh. Her breath blows out in a gust as she pulls the trigger again and the bullet slices right through the flesh in his leg.

“That’s for Sarah Jane.”

She looks up and sees Belmonde approaching, Kirsch holding back Theo as he handcuffs his hands behind him. The back of her throat is dry and her heart is beating hard and heavy inside her chest as she stares at him, her index finger nearly twitching with the urge to shoot him again.

Her eyes roam Vordenberg’s body as her brain tries to decide where to shoot next, whether she can put another bullet in and end this. She lingers on his forehead because putting a bullet between his eyes would be so satisfying, but she lets that urge pass.

Not here. Not now.

“Just end it, detective.” Carmilla looks down at the scratchy voice that comes from the old man and it makes her cringe. He grins up at her in such a menacing way she can’t fathom how a man with two bullet wounds in his body could still have such a sinister and hallow demeanor.

She shakes her head and puts her gun away, ready to give him over to Belmonde and the officials but he turns his lips up in a snarl.

“If you won’t, I will.”

Before she can do anything Vordenberg reaches out with whatever strength he has left and picks up his dropped gun with his good hand and aims it at Laura who’s standing a few feet away, wrapped in a blanket next to Perry.

She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time and Vordenberg had gotten his last word in. His hands don’t even fumble as he doesn’t hesitate and pulls the trigger.

Suddenly Carmilla can’t breathe, and she feels her entire world, the world she had just put back together, shatter and in a flash she does all she can and side steps, trying to lodge her shoe into his side to throw off his aim but the sound of the trigger going off resonates in her ears and everyone gasps in shock.

She stares in utter horror as a spout of blood flies out of Vordenberg’s chest and he sputters, trying to regain composure but Kirsch is standing beside Belmonde, his hand outstretched and his gun fresh from firing as his face remains serious.

Carmilla feels a flood of relief go through her and she turns to Kirsch with a look of pure gratefulness on her face before a numbness settles over her body.

She takes a step but before she can comprehend what’s happening her knees give out and she falls to the ground, Laura lets out a broken scream as her vision blurs slightly and she glances down at the pool of blood coming from… _her._

She looks down in confusion at the growing patch of maroon on her stomach, her hands feel somewhat tingly and she can feel herself paling.

She can feel the bullet now. She can feel it lodged deep into her stomach and she puts a hand to the river of blood coming from her abdomen like that will suddenly stop the bleeding but she can’t feel anything as she pulls her palm away and examines the crimson painting it.

She gasps, looking up at Laura who’s running towards her with LaF and then she’s on her side and the world is sideways. Belmonde is barking orders into her radio for the EMT’s to get here asap but Carmilla’s head lolls to the side and she stares up at the suddenly very bright lights of the ballroom.

“Carm! CARM!” Laura crashes onto her knees beside her body, the pain not even registering with her legs as she instantly cradles Carmilla’s head into her arms, tears staining her cheeks as she looms over her wife, gasping at the rapidly growing river of blood under her.

“I’ve got you, I’ve got you—h-help is on the way, just hang in there Carm, hold onto me…” Laura is sobbing through her words and Carmilla’s eyelids feel heavy as she tries to blink, tries to stay focused on her wife who looks like an angel right now.

“She’s losing blood quickly, tell the EMTS to get here the fuck now, we’re going to need to clear the roads!” Belmonde screams into her radio, Kirsch shouting orders at the SWAT before moving to join Laura next to Carmilla.

“Come on, Karnstein, stay with us, you’re going to be okay.”

Laura brushes the hair out of her face and frames her pale cheeks between her palms, trying to get Carmilla to focus on her as she feels the world slipping. She doesn’t have much strength left in her dissolving body but she lifts a shaky hand and grips Laura’s wrist in comfort.

“Carm, stay with me…please, please! I’m here…” Laura’s kissing her hand and palm, pressing her tear stained cheeks to her finger tips as she grasps onto the life slipping from her wife’s body.

She can feel Laura’s tears on her face and she thinks she can feel her own falling down her cheeks.

“It’s okay…I’m okay…”

She repeats her words from earlier, not willing to let Laura give up hope. Vordenberg is dead, they did it. They did it and everyone is safe now. She moves to close her eyes, Laura’s screams fading from her ears as her head lolls slightly to the side.

Before she’s taken completely by the darkness she catches Vordenberg staring straight at her, his own features fading as they practically lay side by side. His lips turn up into one more menacing smile before his eyes fall close just as Carmilla’s do.

It was over. It was finally all over.

 

—

 

_ Carmilla married Laura on the twelfth day of the third month of the year in a small, unassuming courthouse not ten blocks from where they lived. _

_At first they both had wanted a big, huge ceremony like Perry and LaF’s but realizing that wasn’t really their thing they decided on a small, clandestine courthouse wedding that only their closest friends would attend._

_When they left the courthouse, Carmilla checked her watch, tangling her fingers with Laura and glancing up into the light sunlight settling down on them. Laura moved to turn right towards their building but Carmilla tugged her in the other direction, smiling at the way Laura bounced backwards with the pull and let out a surprised yelp._

_"Carm!" Laura gasped indignantly. "What are you-"_

_"Surprise," Carmilla interrupted, walking backwards as she held Laura's hand. "Go with it."_

_The honeymoon wasn't planned for a few more weeks - it made more sense with their work schedules, - but Carmilla couldn't resist giving them this at least._

_She was greedy by nature and she'd like to have her wife to herself for a few days before she had to really share her with the world. Plus, Laura planned the honeymoon and Carmilla just…she just needed to give Laura something._

_Laura shook her head, but smiled and leaned into Carmilla's side when she turned to face forward. They walked briskly down the sidewalk and Carmilla waited for Laura to figure out where they were headed. It was kind of a long walk, but it was a familiar one and Carmilla knew it'd be worth it._

_Ten minutes into their stroll, Laura finally realized where they were going and she gave a little jump as they walked, an excited laugh erupting out of her that put an even larger grin on Carmilla's face. "The Plaza?"_

_Carmilla nodded and grinned at Laura. "The Plaza."_

_"It's my dream to go to the Plaza," Laura continued, practically bouncing as they walked down the sidewalk._

_"I know it is."_

_"Why are we going to a hotel?" Laura asked suddenly._

_They crossed an intersection and Carmilla looked up into the sky before smiling down at Laura. "Maybe I just want you to myself for a few days."_

_Laura beamed at her, bumping into her side and humming softly. "We're staying there a few days?"_

_"Until Monday," Carmilla answered._

_They reached the grandiose entrance of the historic hotel and Carmilla held the door open as Laura stepped into the lobby, her wife's eyes going wide as she took in her surroundings as if it were her first time here._

_Check-in was quick and Carmilla led Laura to the suite she had picked out months and months ago._

_As they walked up to the set of white double doors, Carmilla wrapped her arm around Laura's shoulders and bent over to scoop her up with another arm under her knees._

_Laura let out a surprised sound before wrapping her arms around Carmilla's neck and laughing. "What are you doing?"_

_"Tradition," Carmilla responded, bending down a little to get one of her hands around the doorknob and pushing it forward._

_"In case you hadn't noticed," Laura whispered as if she were telling Carmilla a deep, dark secret. "This marriage isn't exactly traditional."_

_Carmilla laughed and walked into the gigantic suite, kicking the door shut behind her. "Humor me."_

_Laura turned and looked around as Carmilla set her back on her feet. "What are we going to do here for four days?"_

_Blowing out a deep breath, Carmilla wrapped her arms around Laura from behind and pressed a kiss to her shoulder._

_"There are about six rooms in the place and a terrace," she answered. "I plan to make good use of every single one of them."_

_Her palms slid over Laura's stomach and around to her back as the girl spun in her arms. Laura twined her fingers together behind Carmilla's head and gave her the sexiest smile Carmilla had ever seen. Her knees went weak a little and she backed her wife up against a nearby wall._

_"A terrace, you say?" It was an understatement that Laura had a strong attachment to anything but the norm on the sexual playing field._

_Terraces were a particular weakness Carmilla had discovered on a vacation to Miami in their first year of dating._

_"Yup," she replied, kissing a trail down Laura's jaw and onto her neck._

_"Can we start there?"_

_Laughing, Carmilla bit down lightly on soft flesh and ran her hand down Laura's back to settle on her ass. "We have four days, what do you say we give this entryway a go?"_

_Laura's neck moved under Carmilla's lips as the other girl swallowed and she smiled into the flesh, scraping her teeth down the smooth column. "Yeah that could work for me."_

_"I thought so," Carmilla replied, pulling away to look at her wife. Just thinking with that word, looking at Laura and realizing they were married was pumping hot desperation all through Carmilla's body._

_It was an overpowering feeling and she didn't resist it all._

_"I love you," she whispered against Laura's lips._

_"Good thing," Laura replied, pressing their lips together hard and quick. "Because you're kind of stuck with me now."_

_A wide grin spread across Carmilla's face and she found herself lost in smiling brown eyes._

_"Sounds perfect," she said, before sliding her palm up Laura's back to pull down the zipper of her dress._

_By Monday morning they did hit all six rooms (Laura was always diligent about to-do lists), and they got to the terrace. Five times._

 

—

 

The lights are blaring into her eyes and she blinks against the heaviness she feels on her lids. She can hear sounds, whispers, and she can comprehend a bit of where she is and what she’s doing.

She can feel the police blanket wrapped around her shoulders and the feel of her legs are heavy, and her wrists are sore from being tied behind her back.

She’s afraid she doesn’t know whether she’s alive or dead right now.

“Perry, perry!” Strong arms wrap around her and she’s tugged into a body. A familiar body. She instantly wraps her arms around the torso holding her, blinking rapidly.

LaFontaine. She moves her head into LaF’s shoulder and inhales, tears suddenly falling from her eyes as the last 48 hours crash down on her.

She was alive.

“Baby, baby…” She hiccups and cries harder into LaF’s arms, her partner holding her so tight it might bruise her but it doesn’t matter because she’s alive, LaF is alive. She's alive. They're both fucking alive.

She loves LaF. She will never love someone else more, or could ever possibly try to. Their arms feel like home and after all this time, after all this drama and time spent apart she realizes how in this lifetime, and maybe another, she’s not going to be able to make it without LaF.

She pulls back and before LaF can even get a sentence out she crashes their lips together tightly in a bruising kiss. She wants LaF to feel everything, she wants them to feel the pain, the love, and the passion Perry has for them.

They pause, LaF’s arms around Perry’s waist as she frames their face between her hands. “I thought about it…I—I, there is no one else. I don’t care if you want children or not, I just want you…I love you, LaFontaine. I’m not going anywhere, I’m right where I belong.”

LaF lets out a breath they didn’t even know they had been holding. The world was suddenly flooding open and everything that is Perry was crashing back into their life. They smile widely, barely able to breathe in the presence of their wife right now.

They repeat what they said earlier, in the dim light of Carmilla and Laura’s apartment; words of devotion and honesty.

“I’ll never have enough of you. Ever.”

Perry mimics their grin and crashes their lips together once more, the sounds of sirens and voices drowning away and only they were left.

“Let’s have a baby.” LaF whispers against her lips, a feeling of warmth and happiness shooting up Perry’s spine despite the situation they were in currently. She smiles and nods, whispering back to their partner.

“Let’s have a baby.”

 

—

 

“Need to get to Carm…” Laura mutters, her mind blank and her body moving like a zombie but Kirsch holds her back. 

“She’s in the ambulance right now, don’t worry they’re going to take care of her Laura.”

She blinks slowly and just stares ahead at the lights of the ambulance speeding away at full motion. They didn’t let her get in the back, they said she had to be medically examined herself for injuries. She didn’t even feel the EMTs poking and prodding her arms and sides, checking for any major damage but there was none.

She watches as they roll away Vordenberg in a body bag, and at this point in her crazy fucking life she should be satisfied with the old man being gone but all she can think about is the way Carmilla moved in front of the bullet for her.

Why was she so stupid? Why did Carmilla have to go and be a dumb hero? Laura should’ve taken that bullet but now it’s lodged in her wife and she’s never felt more lost in her entire life.

She looks up at Kirsch, his face blank but serious as she follows his line of sight. Theo was being led away to a NYPD car but another officer, his head was bowed but he looks up and locks eyes with Laura. She can’t really tell what’s swirling in his orbs but it’s somewhere between guilt and happiness his father is finally gone.

“He was a double agent, no triple agent. Convincing Vordenberg he was leading us on, then crossing us, then crossing him again...I wouldn't be surprised if he’s been corresponding with Belmonde this entire time.”

Kirsch turns away from Theo as he’s situated in the back of the car, Laura swallowing. So, in the end Theo was a good guy, but what good guy does the things Theo has done.

She turns away from his as well, her hands shaking as she rubs them together, the cold rain sprinkling around them as Kirsch holds an umbrella over her head. “We’re going to get going soon, just some left over sweeping of the manor.”

She nods, not really sure why she has to stay here and wait for Kirsch but she sees something, a shimmer out of the corner of her eye. She recognizes it instantly, because she’s seen it laying over her apartment too many times to count.

Carmilla’s leather jacket.

"That's...that's Carm's jacket she's going to want it..."

She starts to walk towards it, wondering why in the earth someone left it to get dirty and wet on the ground, it kind of pisses her off someone could be so careless. Carmilla’s going to want it later.

“Laura?” She ignores Kirsch as she continues toward the object sitting in the mud and continues to disregard Kirsch trying to tell her to stop but she doesn’t.

“Laura, wait—“

She leans down and touches her fingers to the leather, starting to lift the item from the mud before her eyes widen and she feels herself go stone cold. It’s covered, no, _soaked_ in blood. Carmilla’s blood.

It's all over her hands, her arms, and her shirt now.

She drops the jacket, her eyes staying fixed on it as it drops back onto the muddy ground, a gasp escaping her lips. She lets out a scream and feels Kirsch trying to pull her away so she doesn’t freak out more but she keeps repeating over and over;

_“Carmilla’s going to want it.”_

 

—

 

_ "Do you ever miss your mom?" LaF asked. _

_Carmilla snapped her head to look at her friend. "What?"_

_"Your mom," LaF repeated. "Do you miss her?"_

_"I barely knew my mom," Carmilla answered, looking at her friend curiously. She picked her scotch up off the bar and took a sip._

_"Everyone knows their parents," LaF argued, pushing their own glass back and forth on the bar top._

_"Not my mom," Carmilla denied, throwing back the rest of her glass. "We didn't exactly have a loving relationship. You were there. You know what it was like."_

_"Your mom loved you," LaF replied, turning to look at Carmilla._

_She laughed. "No she didn't. And whatever," Carmilla continued. "Fuck her. Who cares?"_

_LaF shook their head and stared at their glass again, pouring the rest of it down their throat and slamming it back down on the wood. "She loved you," they repeated, not looking at Carmilla._

 

—

 

_ "If Laura killed someone, would you turn her in?" LaF asked out of the blue. They were out to dinner, the four of them, at some Italian joint by Carmilla and Laura’s building and after a couple of bottles of wine they were all in a pretty good mood. LaF it seemed, was having a better time than all of them. _

_"LaF!" Perry exclaimed, as if the name alone was sufficient admonishment._

_LaF turned toward the redhead with a curious smirk on their face. "What? I'm just curious."_

_"I wouldn't kill anyone," Laura added seriously, her face open and concerned. She looked towards Carmilla. “You know that, right?”_

_"They know that, Laur," Carmilla said, glaring at LaF while running her fingertips over Laura's thigh._

_"Of course Carmilla would turn her in. It's murder," Perry argued._

_"Oh yeah?" LaF said, with more anger in their voice than Carmilla thought was necessary. "So what, you'd turn me in if I killed someone?"_

_Perry turned to LaF and eyed them curiously, picking up on the extra harshness in their voice. "LaF," she started._

_"Because you should know," the scientist interjected and Carmilla tried to count how many glasses of wine her friend had consumed. "I wouldn't do that to you. But if you want to go ahead and just betray me and send me to some shithole prison for the rest of my life, so be it!"_

_Perry blinked at LaF before grabbing their partner’s face with both her hands and making eye contact. "What's wrong? Did something happen with the case today?"_

_"No," LaF denied, pulling their face out of Perry's grasp. "Sorry if I'm upset with how easily you'd throw me to the wolves."_

_Carmilla observed her two friends with a raised eyebrow. The couple almost never fought. Never. It was sickening how little they got into arguments, at least public arguments._

_LaF was the master of propriety, more concerned with putting out a flawless front than almost anyone Carmilla had ever met. To see LaF get this emotional, with Perry, in public. It was unnerving._

_"It's not like you have to worry about it, Carm," Laura said, pulling LaF and Perry's attention to her. "If anyone's going to go postal, we all know it's Perry."_

_It got a giggle out of LaF beside her and a deep laugh out of Perry even as the redhead attempted to plaster on an indignant expression._

_Carmilla eyed her best friend and after a second, not long enough for anyone to really notice, but long enough for Carmilla to, LaF chuckled as well, put on a smile and lets the subject go._

_"Good point, Laur," LaF joked and Perry smacked them on the arm, laughing._

 

—

 

_ Carmilla met Wilson Kirsch on a Thursday on her first day at the police academy. He spent the first five days of knowing her trying unsuccessfully to get into her pants, he met Laura on the sixth day and on the seventh they got completely and totally plastered together. _

_“I like this bar,” Kirsch said. “S’nice.” Which wasn’t totally true. It was near the station, which was good, and it was full of cops, which made it comfortable, but it was dark and smoky and nice wasn’t really what Carmilla would use to describe it. Nonetheless, she agreed with the sentiment._

_Carmilla nodded, or at least tried to, but her head was moving in directions she wasn’t totally in control of. “Me too,” she slurred out._

_“I like you,” he added. “You’re awesome.”_

_“Girlfriend,” she managed to say, hoping he understood the message in the word. It was the same thing she had been telling him all week. She thought meeting Laura would have stopped his barrage of pick up attempts._

_Kirsch shook his head, the leather draped over his shoulders moving with the action as she swayed on his stool. “No, no,” he denied. “You’re like a bro. We should be bros.” He explained._

_She raised an eyebrow at him and pointed a finger at her chest. “Chick,” she stated._

_“Like a bro,” he repeated, propping his head on his fist. “That bangs a piece of supremely hot ass. We have that in common. Got to fucking stick together.”_

_He swayed his head forward in back. “But I would never refuse a fucking threesome. Your girl is hot,” he said, his voice rising an octave on the last word as he drew it out._

_She tried to swat him on the arm, actually got her hand to move forward but she lost the motivation halfway through the motion and ended up just resting her hand on his bicep, leaning forward towards him._

_“You’re disgusting,” she accused._

_“I’ll grow on you. Give it time.” He grinned, wide and open in a way Carmilla was sure he used on all kinds of girls to get what he wanted._

_She shook her head. “We are so not ever going to be friends.”_

_He laughed, loud and from the belly, throwing his head back before clapping her drunkenly on the shoulder. “Oh babe. We so fucking are.”_

 

—

 

She doesn't feel the burn in her legs as she sprints down the hallway of the hospital, Kirsch, Danny, LaF and Perry hot on her heels. Her arms are waving wildly and every nurse that tells them to slow down is ignored.

She’s alive and Laura could practically kiss one of the doctors right now, she doesn’t care. Her wife was alive—in critical condition, but none the less alive.

The group finally get their bodies, no one knowing how anyone is functioning correctly right now, outside of Carmilla’s room. Room 506.

Laura can see through the glass the limp body of her wife surrounded by machines, tubes and IVs. The sight hits her like a truck and she tries to regain her composure but Perry’s hand is on her back and Danny is helping hold her up.

She can do this. She’s survived the last 48 hours—and it didn’t kill her. She can do this. She takes a deep breath and pushes the door open.


	22. Epilogue: There and Back Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are my friends: the very end. 
> 
> I cannot express my utter gratitude to those who have stayed with this fic from its conception to its end. This is emotional for me but I know I'm not done writing for this verse, although I will be taking a break from it for a bit.
> 
> I'm actually going to be posting a NEW Hollstein AU later tonight, so please keep an eye out for it and if you have any questions about this fic or the next!
> 
> UPDATE**March 2017: I am planning a sequel to this, I will be posting a prologue soon so look out for it!
> 
> xx

—

 

“I’m so sorry, for what I did to you and Laura.”

Theo looks at Carmilla over the small metal table in front of him. His wrists remain cuffed to the object as Carmilla nods and closes the case file in front of her. She wasn’t here to intimidate him, or even berate him.

The small light bulb that blinks above them hangs low from the ceiling and Theo’s seen enough cop movies to know what goes on in this room but Carmilla is doing the exact opposite of what a detective should be doing right now.

“I could punch you for shooting me...in the end you fought for the right side.”

Carmilla isn’t really mad Theo shot her, she doesn’t think she can be mad at him after all of this, but she'll always have the bullet scar as a reminder of his mark in her life.

She kind of admires the man sitting in front of her, because after all this time Theo still had done the thing he had come to do: destroy his father. He had pushed through the guise of his bloodline against all odds.

Her shoulder still aches in pain every day but if that’s what comes out of this and Vordenberg defeated she can deal with it.

“We’re releasing you and handing over your father’s assets and companies into your possession, as you are the oldest living heir...”

Theo’s face floods with shock and he can barely explain the feeling that runs up his back and fills his body as he shakes his head in astonishment. It’s something like happiness and relief all at once. He hasn't felt any of these emotions for years.

“Carmilla, thank you—I can’t…”

She shakes her head, halting any other words he has. “I just hope you do something good with all of this.”

Theo nods instantly, the rattle of his cuffs echoing in the small interrogation room.

“I plan to give most of his funds to charity, I don’t need anymore of his money in my life. But please, let me buy something for you and Laura, a car, an apartment?”

Carmilla shakes her head once more, a grateful smile forming on her lips

“No, but thank you, Theo, we really appreciate the gesture but we just want to be done with this part of our life. I just hope _you_ can live a happy and fulfilling life after all of this.”

Theo bows his head with a small smile, his shoulders lifting up when he takes a deep breath. He raises his head back up, unshed tears glimmering in his eyes.

He shows nothing but gratefulness and respect for the woman sitting across from him. 

Even though he’ll move out of New York entirely and restart his life somewhere in the Caribbean sea in a couple months, sailing the boat he and Sarah Jane were going to run away on, Theo will never forget detective Carmilla Karnstein and Laura Hollis for as long as he lives.

“Thank you, so much detective. I hope I can too.”

 

—

 

“Did it hurt?” Carmilla glances down at Laura tracing her fingers delicately over the bandages wrapped air tight around her ribs and shoulder. She shakes her head, contemplating for a moment before shaking her head once more. 

“No, it’s kind of weird, I didn’t even feel it at first, but then when it started to hit me I just felt numbness not pain.”

“It must have been the shock,” Laura thinks aloud before she looks up into Carmilla’s eyes. They were laying in their bedroom, finally out of the hospital room after what had been the longest two weeks of Laura’s life.

The doctors had managed to remove the bullet from Carmilla’s stomach but not without some struggles. She had lost so much blood she had two transfusions in the last week.

The bullet had just but grazed one of Carmilla’s vital arteries. If it had been centimeter closer it would have been game over.

Laura can’t get that thought out of her head. She had known what it felt like to almost lose Carmilla the first time she had been shot, but the time actually witnessing the event and seeing Carmilla’s life teetering on the edge had really done Laura in.

It hadn’t taken much convincing from Belmonde or Laura for Carmilla to take an extended paid vacation. In Belmonde’s words: “I don’t want to see you back at this precinct until September, Karnstein.”

It was June.

Four months paid vacation was perfectly alright on Carmilla’s list. She intended to use the most of it too. Laura on the other hand could not have been more busy at work.

After publishing her interview with Theo and later her followup interview with him it had been like a bidding war from various magazines and newspapers to snatch Laura away from the New York Times.

Anyone who knew Laura, knew she was fiercely loyal and wasn’t going to leave her new position at the Times; which was now head of investigative journalism. 

The promotion had been unanimous among almost all the journalism departments and especially from Mel.

She even had appointed Laura some of her own pieces she had been working on as she was taking a reduced work load for the summer—

Because planning her wedding with Danny was becoming increasingly stressful as their July date was approaching rapidly.

Perry was officially three months pregnant and glowing more than ever, and so was LaF surprisingly. They seemed just as excited about the pregnancy if not more so than Perry. 

Kirsch and Betty had taken the next move in their relationship and had moved in together, to everyone's surprise. Of course they had all taken bets on how long it would take Betty to kick Kirsch out but so far everything seemed to be going smoothly...for now. 

Time had moved on for everyone, and the case was finally coming to a close but Laura knew the real investigation into Vordenberg’s web of lies was just beginning.

It made Carmilla uneasy to think about what they were going to uncover next--but a part of her new the worst of it was over.

“I think it’ll leave a badass scar, though.” Carmilla smirks, trying to get her calm demeanor to settle Laura’s nerves. She runs a hand through her wife’s locks and tilts Laura’s head to face her.

“I’m okay, I promise.”

Laura tries to nod in a convincing manner but Carmilla can see through it. “I promise.” She leans in and presses her lips lovingly to Laura’s and lets the shorter girl melt into her.

“I promise,” She repeats with emphasis on each kiss to her lips. She could get shot five times, and she still won’t ever let Laura lose hope in her.

 

—

 

Carmilla shifts her umbrella in one hand as it blocks out the rain above her, Laura is standing next to her, bundled in a raincoat and huddled under the umbrella as she furiously scribbles away in her notebook and exchanging quiet whispers with Mel who is next to her, proudly watching Danny about to take the podium in front of the sea of cameras.

Carmilla leans on her crutch, relieving the slight pain from her abdomen and shoulder as she smiles gratefully at Laura when she touches her hand to Carmilla’s back to steady her affectionately. 

Danny’s standing not too far away, holding a series of papers in front of her, dressed impeccably in a gunmetal grey suit, and a dark trench coat on her shoulders to ward off the rain.

The podium stands before her and assorted members of the press are scattered on the steps of the courthouse, waiting for Danny Lawrence to address the public on the closed case of Baron Vordenberg.

Carmilla can make out LaF’s bundled form at the bottom of the steps near a hot dog cart, standing under an umbrella of their own next to Perry. A very pregnant Perry. She sends a quick smile at the pair before turning to look at her friend.

Then, through the rain and the rush of cars passing on the street, Danny’s voice cuts across the noise, clear and succinct and determined.

“As you all may know, Baron Vordenberg, head of the Vordenberg empire, passed away from his injuries after being apprehended by detective Carmilla Karnstein earlier this year after resisting arrest, and attempted kidnapping and murder. This almost puts an end to part of a long term investigation into mob-related criminal activities and murders Vordenberg has orchestrated over the past years, one of the murders being that of Sarah Jane Vordenberg.”

A hushed sound of interest ripples across the crowd as microphones strain forward in the rain to catch Danny’s speech.

“After a long investigation into the history of the Vordenberg empire and family and the murder of Sarah Jane, we can announce Baron Vordenberg is officially responsible for the murder of his second wife, first wife; Sheryl Vordenberg, and multiple missing colleagues. The assets of his companies are currently frozen but will all go directly to his son, Theodore Straka, who intends to donate the main half of his family’s company fortune to various charities.”

Danny gestures to a group of people behind her, dressed in suits and standing under their own black umbrellas.

“A team of attorneys have been assigned to the rest of the cases Vordenberg is still guilty of, and even though he has passed we will remain diligent in digging up every hidden secret of his so we can put an end to his reign of control over New York City.”

The rain beats loudly against the umbrella above Carmilla’s head and Laura shifts closer to her as Carmilla readjusts her grip on her crutch, the only evidence of any residual pain.

“Let me be clear,” Danny says. “Baron Vordenberg was not a man of his word and neither were his companies. He was not the man that we all thought him to be. In his 84 years of age he was a maniacal, manipulating, sociopath of a man and the NYPD will not rest until the world knows that.”

Her voice is hard and unwavering and Carmilla can almost feel the way it affects the crowd, the way they all stand up straighter, lean even closer and no one makes a sound.

She continues, emphasizing the last word firmly. “And I will do my very best to see that our legal system brings him to justice.”

Danny takes a deep breath and stares out at the crowd. “Organized crime is a dark stain upon this city. A battle we all fight daily. All of us. We must remain vigilant, we must stand strong.”

Carmilla feels Laura move next to her and she looks down, watches the brunette stare transfixed at her wife, her head bobbing up and down slightly and a low almost silent tune bubbling out of her lips. She was probably playing a damn movie theme in her head and the sight is so cute it makes Carmilla smile.

Danny’s voice cuts her out of her thoughts and Carmilla tries to stop herself from hearing some epic end theme song in her head. But here she stands, a healing wound in her abdomen and a determined posture radiating forth and she can’t stop herself.

Carmilla wonders if after years of being a detective she’ll remember this time in her life that stands out among the many others.

Even in the epic moments from the case of her life she’ll remember the moments in her personal life that took place during that time almost more so than the action.

The way Vordenberg’s bullet felt splitting through her skin, or the shock she felt when Theo had crossed her and then crossed his father once more.

She wonders if she’ll remember the way her heart absolutely stopped when she saw Vordenberg holding a gun to Laura’s head, or the way she felt seeing Perry’s blood spread on the pavement.

The way LaF looked curled up on her couch in a heaping mess. The way Kirsch’s body flew threw the air like a rag doll when his car exploded, or the way Belmonde had held out her hand to take Carmilla’s badge.

No, Carmilla will remember it all. Every piece of pain and happiness.

She doesn't think she'll ever forget it. Any of it.


End file.
